How Did I Ever Love You?

Chapter 19: I Forgot to Care

England's pov

After all this time, I thought something would have changed, but no. I still feel awful about everything damn thing I do... Right down to the way I walk or fucking stand. Everybody has said throughout my life that it's okay to ask for help, and I agree with that. But I want so hard to believe that I can figure myself out on my own! Besides, I'm done asking for help anyway, I'm not taking the risk of being ignored or put down again. Once is much more than enough. Yes, I've never said anything, but around people at school I stopped trying to hide everything. Some say I've been acting more insane lately, even though they've called me insane for years. Honestly I didn't mind, obviously I'm fully sane, but having people not wanna be around you is a good way to avoid being annoyed! Enjoying my fantasy world again, I ignored the noise in the room as I laid my head on the table. France kept nudging and hitting me but I ignored that too, didn't bother me much anyway.

I muttered the English lyrics to Self-Inflicted Achromatic and almost laughed. So stupid that I was feeling sad right? I mean so many other teens feel sad, so why would I be any different? It'll all pass when I turn at least eighteen. I stood up and walked around the room, staring at the ground while I walk. I was very bored and wondered what would happen if everyone in the room were to drop dead.

"What if you could..."

I snapped my fingers and in an instant the endless noise stopped, everyone fell to the floor motionless... Somehow, three random kids escaped the blast and looked at me. Before they could run out the door, I pull out the gun I had in my pocket and shot them all, causing me to become covered in their blood. I walked out into the hallway and the world seemed to turn to dull and washed out colors. Some things were full black and white, but anything red was bright and vibrant. it was hypnotizing almost... A few people were left, so I used my gun to finish off any one I saw. I felt powerful, like I was the one in charge now... The streets were glowing and red as well. and the sky was overcast, beautiful isn't it? After peaking in every room to see the dead bodies, I smiled and raised the gun to my head... Wait-!

I blinked and just shrugged.

"That ending was different. Not that I mind" I thought as I grabbed my stuff to leave. 

. . .

I stepped outside and saw my Mom's car parked in lot waiting for me. I started running and jumped in the front seat, Immediately putting my stuff on the floor. I'm glad I took the offer my parents to just pick me up from school everyday. Much better than a lonely, fifty minute bus ride... I started ranting about my day, Mom adding a comment every few sentences. When we got home, Dad asked me if I had any homework. I felt my heart sink and stomach tighten, mentally screaming at myself. I had homework, but I forgot it at school, so what was I supposed to say?! He would be mad if I said I forgot it, and even if he believed a lie, what if he asked to see it?!

"Y-Yeah, I have it with me..!" I manged to say as calmly as I could, and surprisingly he believed it. Luckily he never asked me to show it, sending a wave of relief over me. That night when he asked if I did it, I told him yes, and that seemed to be the end of it. I had a plan already, go to school the next day, grab the paper, do it in class, simple! Shamed to admit that this wasn't the first time this had happened though... Not much went on for a while, I had noticed things have been getting worse, but I kinda forgot to care. Many days came where I had to fake being happy, even if I annoyed people, and like I said, I kinda couldn't care less anymore. It wasn't for them, it was all for myself.