Honest Reviews - CLOSED FOR CATCH UP

My Vampire Prince

Written by fuzzypaws123

Reviewed by: Sarah

Cover
Well done on the cover! I find it goes quite well with the story. I specially like the word prince as it stands out the most. However, I do think your username needs to be a teensy bit brighter.

Summary
The description is very enticing, fair play. I feel like it could slightly be more descriptive. However I don't agree with the amount of commas where it goes " so she runs, runs for her life by going undercover, but this is where faith takes on unpredictable twist, in more ways than one" I felt like you should've put a full stop by undercover and did a new sentence.

Opinion
Not bad, it goes grab your attention. I like how you make it sound like she defeats the supernatural. It's good to have a change where a character doesnt love the supernaturals. It would have been nice if you went into a bit more detail on why she 'revolts' vampires.
  The description of Mr Smith puzzles me because is he young or old? I know that you said 25 but with the way you describe how he looks. He sounds as though he is a 60 year old man with a love for books.
  The part where it goes  'he suddenly mention' it should be mentioned. He strokes his beard? But when you described him, you didn't state that he had a beard?
  I would love to know why she hates vampires. Is there a story behind It?
   I'm curious to know why Mr Smith is into tarot cards. Would love to have a little bit of a pov into Mr Smith.
   I'm sorry but I think you need to change the prologue as it did confuse me when she went into that strange dream.
   I don't find you awkward in the author notes or your writing. Your author notes are great! Your engaging with your readers which is vital. On the other hand, I do think you need to add a glossary and add the meaning of the tarot cards. Many readers out there may or may not know the meaning behind tarot cards.
  You should state if it's a dream or a memory as it's quite confusing. I'd do a different word to hemp as it doesnt quite fit within the chapter.
   Okay, I'm not trying to be mean or anything but what's happened? After the memory ended, your style of writing has drastically changed. You've gone from being a describing genius to an amateur writing within seconds! I like the name Circe, its very unique. Keep up with the names!

Overall
You NEED a glossary as not many people know the meanings behind the words you use. I can't tell if it's based in modern day or the olden days. Would be nice if you could classify that.

NEGATIVES
●Glossary
●Describing ●characters
●Changing writing styles constantly
●Confusing

POSITIVES
●Cover
●Length of chapters
●Engagement with your readers
●That's a wrap saying

TIPS
●There is a limit between small confusion and a heck load so beware you don't over cross that line.

●Try being in the same place/mood etc as you were when writing the good chapters.

●Skim and scan so you avoid careless mistakes.

●By adding a glossary, you are allowing the reader to understand the words you use.

♡I really enjoyed this story so please continue writing It!♡
Sarah
6.5/10