Rusame- could it be love?

Chapter five: understanding

Russia~
As America runs to the bathroom, crying, I stay frozen in shock, not being able to move as the weight of emotions that America put into his words was so vast. I don't remember how long I stood there, but all I could think about were his words. Did he really feel like no one understands him? I mean, what about his brother, Uh what's his name again, Canada? I thought they were super close. If America feels so bad about himself though, what is he doing now? I swirl around in my thoughts for a while, just thinking about every interaction I've had with him over the years. On the surface, he seems fine, a little egotistical, but doing good nonetheless. But as I start to really scrutinize my memory, I realize that all of that confidence and over the top personality was all just a front, to hide his true emotions of anxiety, anger, and depression from me, his allies, and even his own brother.

I feel so stupid now.

Wait......how long have I been here?

I snap back to reality and look at the clock. Damn, it's already 8pm. I should go check on America.

I walk to the bathroom, already worried about what he might have done. "America?" I ask, but I get no response. I knock on the door, and talk louder this time. "Amerika, are you ok? I'm sorry if I upset you." Again I get no response. But I hear some music, like someone is blasting it on their headphones. I wonder who the artist is? I use one of my phone apps to see who he is listening to. "Billie Eilish" my phone says. I listen to her music and it is very sad. As I listen more to what I hear under the door, I pick out a faint snore. Well, I guess I'll wait here until he wakes up. I was intending to stay up longer, but the stress of everything made me fall asleep.

America~
I didn't dream. More so like the darkness enveloped me as I struggled to breath air. It consumed me, and when I woke up, I knew what I had to do. I opened the door, to see Russia asleep. Wow, he waited for me? I never knew he had a shred of kindness. I know his father didn't. Well whatever, let's continue with the plan. I creeped down to the bedroom, and opened my bag. Hopefully Canada put my book in there. I just want to get rid of this pain. I rummage through my bad a bit more until I find what I want. "Aha!" I say under my breath, taking out a razor that i stashed. I creep back to the bathroom and lock myself in. My arms are shaking but I still want to do this. Wow, how long has it been? I haven't done this since I got through the pain of 9/11.

Authors note: btw, you can never get over pain like losing a loved one, or some other traumatic experience. The only way to feel good about what you are doing with your emotions is to get through it. You can't just jump over your emotions cause they will come back, and it just won't feel good. This process may take longer, but it is better for your mental health.

WOW THAT WAS SOME DEEP SHIT

BACK TO THE FANFICTON I KNOW YALL ONLY REALLY CARE ABOUT HAHAHAHA......yeah

I cut my arm, slight at first, noticing the sting of the blade against my arm. But I keep going, and going and going and going until I've cut my flag with an x on it into myself. Now I realize the amount of hate I put on myself, and I sigh. Putting the razor away, I clean my wounds and wrap them. I open the door to see Russia standing there, with a remorseful look on his face.
What does he want now?
"Look," he says, " I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean to upset you so much. I never knew you went through all of that, from the way you act. I apologize."

I am shocked. Russia is apologizing to me? He's not even mad? Now I feel really guilty for all the things I just did. Guilty. The word echos in my head, but I have to tell him something. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to go off on you like that, it just kinda happened. I also didn't mean to mention your father. I know you probably miss him, and I know I'm probably the reason he's gone." I say, tearing up again. Russia tries to help me. "come on, you couldn't have know that was going to happen." "But I did!" I say, my head down. "The Cold War was literally about us having spies everywhere and backing nations to fight each other. I knew our proxy wars were killing his financial state, but I was just so scared of him winning and taking over everything that I didn't stop. I'm a monster, I should have just let Britain tax me."

Russia was silent for a moment. And then, he did the most surprising thing ever. He pulled me into a hug. "Still, you should not beat yourself up over the past. I forgive you." My tears froze on my face. I looked up at him. "Really?" I asked. "After all that I did, being an absolute pill to you at world meetings?" "What does that mean, being a pill?" He asked, confused. I laughed. "Oh it just means to be an annoying jerk." "Oh. Well, I forgive you anyways." "I—ok." After that we just stayed there, in a hug, unsure that we ever needed to do more to be friends.

974 words- how but ok

100+ total reads

I am so proud of myself and thankful to you guys for taking the time to read this.

I am open to hearing suggestions about which states should be included and a little bit about them if you'r from that one.

The waiting time will be longer now since school is a pill but I will try to make them longer to make up for it. My goal for next chapter is 1000 words.

See y'all soon