"If You Want Me To Be"

19 - I don't understand how I made every chapter have a title like this

"Frank, Gee! Dinner!" "We're coming mom!" I start whining a bit. "Noo I don't wanna go. You're warm and so comfy. Don't wanna get up." "Oh come on sugar, it's just dinner. We can cuddle very soon again after that. And the faster we go, the sooner we're back." "Mmh okay fine. But only if you sit in my lap." "Like always. Come on, let's go then." Frankie stands up and holds his hand out for me. I grab it, stand up too and we're going to the kitchen. We sit down at the table, or rather I sit down and pull Frankie on my lap. I feel his parents looking at us and look up to see Linda smiling. I smile back and we start eating. After we finished and both went to take a shower, we can finally cuddle again. "Ah nice. Finally." "See? It wasn't that hard, was it?" "Actually, Frankie, it was. I almost died from the lack of cuddles." "Okay come on, you're exaggerating." "But you still love me." "Did I say I didn't? I can't recall." "Dork. I love you too. So fucking much." "Shut up and kiss me already." I giggle and lean in, so that our lips meet. "We're so fucking cliche.", I mumble against his lips and kiss him again. Our faces stay close together after the kiss and Frankie tries to get my attention by whispering to me. "Hey psst, sugar." "Yeah?" "I need to tell you something. A secret." Then he looks at me with a very adorable, dorky smile. I giggle and say "A'ight, you got me curious. What is it?" He tries to move even closerto my face. "So, the secret is that...okay so you do know my datemate?" I giggle again. "Yes Frankie, I fairly well know who you're dating." "Good. Because-...because the secret is that they are the most beautiful and wonderful person I have ever met. Thought I might share that with you." I blush and then laugh a little before leanin in to kiss him again. "You act like you could be drunk as fuck. But...I have a secret for you in return though...my boyfriend, you might know him, he's the most adorable and cute little dude in my life and I love him really much." And he kisses me again. After that, we actually move away from each other a bit, but only because I'm getting really tired and use Frankie's chest as my pillow now. "You wanna sleep, sugar?" "Yeah. Tired." "Then sleep. I'll protect you." "So sweet of you. Can you sing something for me? Please?" He smiles gently at me and nods, before he starts humming my favorite melody. After a while, I feel that I'm slowly drifting off to sleep. Frankie seems to notice it too, because he suddenly stops singing, strokes my hair and kises me on the forehead before saying "Sleep well, sugar. I love you." he keeps on stroking my hair and before I can answer, I'm asleep.
"Gee...wake up. Good morning, my sweet sugar." "Mmmh? Oh morning Frankie. How late is it?" "It's six thirty. Would have waken you up sooner but you looked so cute asleep, I didn't want to wake you up sooner. Besides, you could literally sleep a lot longer anyway." "But now we can't cuddle for more than like fifteen minutes." I try to sound as little disappointed as I can but I can't really hide it that well. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that sugar, but I promise I'll make it up to you. For now, we still have about ten minutes, so come here." I quickly scoot closer and snuggle up to Frankie. "You're warm. And cozy. I would literally just lie here with you for the entire day if there was no one stopping me. But the world's gona slap me in the face in about ten minutes, calling me a bitch and saying that I can't fuckin do that. Oh well." "Come on, you can complain later, sugar. Let's just enjoy these few minutes we have rather than not having any at all." I stay silent for a moment, then I nod and move my head, so I can look into my boyfriend's eyes. He smiles an me gently and moves one hand to my face to trace my facial features. Gradually, he moves down until he reaches my lips. He gently moves his thumb over them and then cups my face, softly pulls me closer and kisses me. I immediately deepen the kiss and smile into it. "Did that cheer you up in any way?" "Yeah, 'course it did. I love it when we do stuff like this. I love it a lot. And most impotantly, I love you." "You're literally so fucking adorable. I love you too. Now, come on, I guess I have to get up. You need to let go of me. Of course you could still stay in bed if you want." I grumble a bit but shake my head and get up nonetheless. Frankie takes my hand, pulls me closer to him and intertwines our fingers. We walk into the kitchen like that and start our morning routine.
After we've finished, I kiss Frankie goodbye and tell him we'll see each other later. Then I go back to his room to wake up Sweet Pea. Whenever I sleep over here on a thursday, I always take her for the morning walk, so Linda doesn't have to do it. Also I like being outside early in the morning, when almost everything is still sleeping and it's all quiet and beautiful. I wish I could do this every morning and I might one day, if I get a job that doesn't require getting jo early as fuck like for school. But for now I can only do this on thursdays and maybe on the weekend if Frankie and I aren't snuggled up for until like eleven. He doesn't like getting up early at all, which I understand of course, but maybe I just have to take him with me on a morning like this. He prefers staying home to make us breakfast and it's always so nice, like the one time he made heart shaped pancakes. But still I would love to have him around on these morning walks. I'll try to convince him maybe this weekend. But for now, I'll just be out here alone, except for Sweet Pea.
After I've got back home (yes, I'm referring to that as my second home) I consider laying back down but then I'll probably not be able to get up, so instead I decide to draw. I don't get around to do that much anymore, but I'm not complaining. Though sometimes I do miss it a little. Or a lot. Depends on how I'm feeling. Anyway, I can draw now so I'm doing that.
After about half an hour I have to stop and need to get to school. Almost outside the door, I hear Linda walking towards me. "Oh Gee, you're off to school I see. Sorry that I can't bring you." "Oh it's fine, I like walking. Besides, the weather is really nice and I enjoy early morning walks. Been out with Sweet Pea too already." "Oh that's very nice of you, thanks. Now, I think you should get going. Have fun!" "Thanks. Bye Linda." She waves a little and then goes into the kitchen. And I'm off to school. The walk is almost as long as if I'd walk to my home, which is probably because I live very near the school. It's a bid hard walking that long with a stupid bag over your shoulders but it's fine. Walking into the building always feels weird when no other people are there to walk in with you and I always feel very not safe. But I'm gonna see my boyfriend very soon so that makes up for it. I slowly start walking to my first class for today, when I suddenly spot Trick. He's standing infront of a still closed door, which I recognize as the door to the room where Frankie had in. And that makes me smile a lot because since his school day starts when mine starts, his first thought was to wait for Frankie because he cares about his friend. I decide to stay here, kind of hidden from them to see me, so that I can surprise them. About a minute later, the door opens and Frankie is one of the first people to go outside. His eyes light up when he sees Trick standing there and the first thing he does is hug him. It literally melts my heart. They start walking to the room where we all have our next/first lesson and I hurry up to follow them. After I caught up, I sneak on to Frankie and hug him from behind. He immediately turns around in my arms and kisses me. "This would have been really awkward if I wasn't the one hugging you." "Yes, I am also very happy to see you." "Oh shut up and kiss me again." I grin at him and he smiles back at me stupidly before leaning in to kiss me again. Trick coughs awkward and says "Guys, you know how happy I am for the both of you and that I don't like interrupting, but we need to get to class. And I would appreciate if we wouldn't need to run there." "Okay, okay. We get you and I have to agree, running does seem very stupid.", Frankie quickly agrees. "Yeah. Besides, I guess we can do this all when we're there. Also, I didn't even intend on this to happen, just wanted to surprise you nicely." We start walking to the classroom again, but we don't stop talking."That's so sweet of you." "Yeah and do you know what also was very sweet? I was walking towards the room you just had in, Frankie and I saw you guys. Trick waiting on you was literally so nice and I could see how happy you were about it. I just fucking melted." Trick blushes a little and smiles at us. "I mean, that's what friends are for, right? I like making you guys happy. Makes me happy too." "Aww Trick that. is. such. an. adorable. thing. to. say." I'm actually about to cry he's so precious. "Patrick you're literally just making me happy by being here and being our friend. And if we weren't walking to our next class to not be late, I would tackle you and Gee in a hug now." Trick looks really touched by this and I'm positive if we continue like this, one of us is gonna start crying becausd of how adorable anc nice the other two are. But then Frankie suddenly changes the topic. "Hey um I just remembered, I didn't tell you about what happened on tuesday yesterday. I'm gonna do it this lunch break though. This time for real." Finally, while he was talking, we arrived the room. Trick and I both look at my boyfriend shortly, then we nod and go inside. I take Frankie's hand and smile at him reassuringly. "It's going to be okay. And if not, I promise I'm gonna be there for you. Whenever you need me." He smiles at me too. "Thank you."
Lunch break. And Frankie seems to get more and more nervous by every passing minute. Sometimes I can quietly here him whisper: "I can't do it, I can't do it" to himself. And I'll take his hand again and repeat what I've said before. I'm not entirely sure if it works, but now it's too late to chicken out of it again anyway, because I just spotted our friends. "Frankie. Now, take a deep breath and just get it over with. I'm here for you and I'm supporting you. Okay, let's go." He does take a deep breath and nods. Then he takes my hand, I can feel his' shaking slightly. We start walking over to our friends and as soon as Trick sees us, he looks at us a bit unsure. Frankie nods at him and Trick smiles at him reassuringly. We come over and take a seat. "Umm guys, I'm very sorry to interrupt what you're talking about but...this is like, kinda important. Mostly since you have all been so- so...worried about me on tuesday. Okay so here I go. Umm yeah so I...have been feeling extremely down. And that was mostly because I got extremely stuck in my thoughts. I've felt like...like no one actually loves me. But I know that that's not true and I knew it back then too. I felt like Gee was the only person who actually loves me and I started feeling so guilty for it. I mean, my brain was and also still is a little stuck on 'the people who befriend you don't want anything to do with you and don't even like you the slightest anyway', because I was taken advantage of a lot. But that doesn't matter right now. Anyway, I really didn't want this at all. I didn't want to feel like the people I just found out care about me a lot, in fact actually wouldn't like me at all. Because it just is not true. And then I slowly started tearing myself down. I kept telling myself you don't deserve a friend like this and that you'd just immediately abandon me from this friend group andd it started getting worse until I talked to Gee. I felt a lot better and also relieved to have gotten this all off my chest and that despite it, they would continue to be there for me no matter what and help me with this. And they did, a lot. Just as much as Patrick has done, probably even without realizing it. And I also do feel a lot better by having told you guys about this. But also I'm feeling extremely nervous because I don't know your reaction to this all. I guess that's what's awaiting me now." I feel extremely proud of Frankie for actually having done this. And so suddenly into the break. I was pretty sure he would try to drag it to the end of the break. "You did this really great, I'm so proud of you.", I whisper in his ear. He turns around to me, smiles and kisses me. While that, the others stand up and walk towards us. Frankie moves away from me a bit again, after we're done and allof our friends tackle him into a big hug. "Wh- Guys, what are you doing?", he asks, laughing, but I can see that he's really really happy about this. "If you really thought we wouldn't love you anymore because of what you just told us, you have been very wrong." Pete quickly agrees. "Yeah, Ray's right. Perhaps, we might even love you more now, for sharing your fears and problems with us."

"And? It really went well, didn't it?" "Yeah. I'm so glad that I didn't not do this. Also, thank you so much for helping me staying relatively calm, throughout the day, I'd probably have collapsed about three times without you." We're currently sitting on the couch in my living room , or I'm sitting on the couch and my boyfriend's sprawled partly on the couch too, but mostly on me. We ordered pizza for us, Pete and Mikey, which are currently here too. Mine and Mikey's parent's are out for dinner on their own, so we all took the opportunity to hang around here. Frankie and I just because first of all the way to school is a lot shorter and we can cuddle more and also we have the living room now. Mikey and Pete used the opportunity for...other reasons. I man, who can really blame them? Hopefully Frankie and I will be able to get any sleep at all. Okay, maybe I should think about something, anything else now. "Gee? Everything okay? You look like you didn't think about the most pleasant thing." "Yeah no. So, I am okay but like, I was just thinking about the reason why we're here and the reason Pete ecided to come here and sleep over." "Oh. OH. Yeah, no. Really not the best thing to thing about. Oh great, now I'm thinking about it too though, great. Thanks a lot. I chuckle lightly and kiss my boyfriend on the forhead. He wants to say something, but in that moment, the doorbell rings.  "PIZZA!"  This extremely loud and startling screech of happiness was coming from Pete, who is currently just fucking sprinting down the stairs. And appearently he's the one answering the door now. Oh whatever. "Wow. This was the most exercise I've ever seen Pete do in the few years I've known him. He's gotta be really hungry." "For the record, yes I am. Also that was true, I am quite hurting now because I simply don't sports but for pizza I'd do anything. Here's yours by the way." He hands us our pizzas and skips upstairs again. "That was...kinda weird." "Yeah...okay but like, we have pizza now, let's just eat that and don't think about this anymore. And then - how late is it? Ah yes, okay so then we should probably shower and go to sleep. "Sounds like a good idea, Frankie. Let's do this then."

This took long as fuhk to make, but like, I started i when I had a lot of time but couldn't finish before school started again. Also I'm ass lazy. But you'll not even have a difference, because well, you know. Okay that's it for today. Thank you so much for reading this and until next time! ~Midnight <3