"If You Want Me To Be"

1 - I have no idea how I should call this and I don't know what I'm doing

P.o.V Gee

I am excited. And scared. Honestly, I don't even know which of the two feelings is stonger than the other. It's sunday evening and tomorrow I'll have my first day at a new school. I'm mostly afraid of what the people in school will say about me, my general appearance. Usually I don't think about these things too much, they tend to make me worry and then overreact so I mostly just go for what I want, but since a few incidents this isn't possible for me anymore. "Gerard, dinner!", my mom calls me and I sigh. I hate when she calles me by my birthname but I almost never correct her because last time she just m snapped at me. Apart of that she's a good mother though. She genuinely cares about me and my little brother Mikey and has a great relationship to our dad. They both accept Mikey's and mine sexuality but my mom doesn't seem to understand the concept of me being non-binary. But I shouldn't complain here, should I? I mean, I could definetely be worse.

It's now monday morning and the feeling of being scared definetely grew stronger but I simply try to shrug it off and concentrate on my coffee. I need this cup of coffee in the morning or I swear I could kill someone. Sometimes I feel like this is the equivalent of girls on periods (or anyone with periods, for that matter.) After finishing my coffee, I think I'm gonna get ready for the day. I put on my favourite Smashing Pumpkins tee and a light purple pleated skirt. Also I get in dark grey tights and put on my newest pair of flat shoes. They're black and have small ribbons on the front. I'm looking in the mirror, roughly going through my messy and also a little greasy black hair with my hand. Yeah, I should wash that again soon probably. I glance at the clock and nearly start choking on air, I have only about twenty fucking minutes until school starts. Luckily school's only about five minutes away from here, but I'll still need time to get my schedule and maybe find a person who can show me around a little bit.  I grab my bag and one of my many leather jackets. I have like eight of these or something, each one a different color and I connect memories with every one of them and I don't want to ever give these away. and I will fight everyone who tries to take them. I'm going with my black one and head out. For a second my thoughts wander off to Mikey and how lucky he is to not having to go to school yet because he's sick. Finally I arrive at the school and head directly to the principal's to get my schedule and books. Once I've got them, I quickly look at my schedule and almost run through the hall to get to class as quick as I can, without knowing where to go, I simply just forgot it again. Of course I justg have to bump into someone and all my books fall down. I mentally already prepare for a snarky, annoyed comment to watch where I'm going but instead I hear a shocked voice. "Holy smokes! Oh my, I'm so sorry, are you okay? Let me help you pick those up." "Uhh  yeah, thanks. I'm good." We both bend down to grab my books as the other guy notices something. "Hey, I haven't seen you here before! You new?" "Yeah I am, name's Gee. I'm in grade ten" "Me too! I'm Patrick. Umm do you need someone to show you around later?" "Yeah...that be awesome, thanks." I start smiling a bit shyly and he does so as well. "Sure no problem. What class have you now?" "Uhh english." I state and he smiles a bit wider. "I do too! We can walk there together if you'd like." I simply nod and we make our way to class. We even get there on time, still two miutes left until class starts. "Umm, where can I sit?" I ask Patrick a bit awkwardly because everyone is basically staring at me now. "Oh uh, sorry, next to me you can't, Joe's got that place already. Well, actually there's only one place left. The one next to Ray, he's the other boy with a fro. The place next to Josh, the one with the dyed hair is only free for today, Tyler's at the doctor's. He usually sits there." "Okay, thanks" I make my way to the desk where Ray sits. "Hi, I'm Gee." I introduce myself, trying to sound at least a bit sure of myself. Ray smiles at me, holds his hand out and greets me friendly "Ray, but I assume Pat told you this already." We get interrupted by the teacher who finally showes up, five minutes late. I grin a bit to myself because I totally know the reason he's too late. His hair is all messy and his shirt is halfway unbuttoned. The teacher is already about to start the class as Partick raises his arm. "Yes, Partick?" "Mr. Urie, we got a new student!" "Oh really?" Mr. Urie asks and looks around until he spots me. "Ah, you're right. Well how about you tell us about yourself a little?" "Uh, okay." I say as I stand up as Mr. Urie gestured me to do. "So, My names Gee. Gee Way, uhm, my family and I just moved here a bit ago. I have a smaller brother who will go to this school too, once he isn't sick anymore. Uhh, I don't have any pets. Oh, I am really a fan of comic books and music though. Yeah." "Thank you, Gee. Someone's got any questions?" A few arms are raised and one person says: "I'm really not wanting to be rude or anything, just, are you a boy or a girl? Sorry if this comes off weird, I was just wondering." "Oh- no it's totally fine, many people get confused about this. I identify as non-binary, so I'm neither a boy nor a girl, really. I'd very much appreciate you using they and them pronouns, thanks." There were a few understanding nods and mostly genuine, positive smiles. I can tell when a smile is fake, don't ask, it's one of these useless but sometimes handy abilities some people have. I sit back down and Ray looks at me shortly. "Oh I haven't even seen your shirt before. Dude the Smashing Pumpkins are awesome!" We proceed to talk about bands we like until class is over. Partick already has his stuff ready and waits on me. Before he asks me what class I have next everytime again we simply compare our schedules. Too convenient to be true, but we have the same schedule. Patrick, or just Trick, what I decided to call him now told me that we will only have two classes together with Ray which I find a bit sad because I started to really like him. Maybe we could even become friends. To our great luck now is a break, so Patrick can show me around.

A few hours later we finally reach lunch period.  As we go into he cafeteria we're greeted by a yell. "Pattycakes! Over here!" Trick smiles a little and we walk to the person who just yelled. "Hey, Pete. I'd like to introduce someone to you. This is Gee." "Umm...hey" I offer a bit shyly. What the fuck is wrong with me today? Usually I'm not that awkward around people, why out of all motherfucking days, today? Pete grinned slightly, sticking his hand out so he can shake mine."Hi, I'm Pete, oh wait Pattycakes told you that already." Pete seems to get a little embarrased and starts playing with his black hair which by the way has awesome looking red streaks in it. "I really like your hair dude." "Ah uh thanks" Pete seemed as if he wasn't complimented on that often. "You in our year?" "No, I'm two years younger than Patty here but since our moms were already good friends before we were born, we hung around with each other much and now he's my best friend." "That's so nice you guys, I wish I had a best friend but in my old school.." I trail off realizing I should probably not have started that sentence. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want", Trick offers smiling comforting. "Thanks" "Hey, didn't you say you have a little brother who's gonna come to this school too? How old is he?" "Oh, Mikey? Yeah, actually he should be in your year Pete. Uhh, if you don't mind, would you please take care of him? Y'know, showing him around and stuff? Thank you" Pete nods, smiling a bit. "So by he way I noticed your awesome shirt, Gee. I just assume you like music. You play any instrument?" "Actually no, I kinda prefer singing much, even though I feel I'm not really good at it. How about you?" "Oh, I actually play bass in a band, we mostly even practice here in school, maybe I could ask the others if you can come watch sometime!" Pete is actually getting really excited over this. I like him a lot already, I'm pretty sure he and Mikey can become good friends too. This makes me remember something. "Hey, my brother Mikey also plays bass! Or more rather he just finished the basics and wants to learn harder songs now, maybe you could help him practice sometime?" "Heck yes, that souds good, I like your brother already!" Trick just sits next to Pete and grins a bit stupidly, he seems to enjoy that we're all having such a good time together.

I'm already pretty exhausted from school and only the first half of the day is over by now, why out of all damn days does monday have to be the day with the most classes? Well, guess it's better than on a friday but still. Patrick and I walk to our next class and I ask him if someone I already know is gonna be there. "Except me...no...I don't think so. But you'll have to sit next to someone else again because I'm sitting next to another friend, Andy. Uhh I think we have two free spaces...yeah. One next to...ah, Awsten. And then the one nex to Frank. Awsten's much of a talker so if you want to actually get a grasp of what's going on, just don't sit next to him. Frank is usually quieter but I don't think he cares too much about any class, really. But at least he's being subtle about it. Oh, and also he's in the band Pete mentioned to you. You know, I'd love to be in a band too but I don't cosider myself good at any instrument I tried learning. Except maybe drums but...no." "Why don't you just sing? I mean, I can hear your speaking voice much and I'm pretty sure you singing would sound good. Just, y'know...go for it." I don't know where this just came from, but I'm very sincere on it. I can imagine Trick to have a really good singing voice. He looks at me really happily and kinda flustered. "I- th...-thanks, no one's said...something like this to me before." "Really? That's sad because it's definetely true. You just need to believe in yourself" I say, smiling a little. "Let's- Let's just go inside already. If you want to sit next to Awsten, he's the guy with the purple hair. Frank's the one with black hair, and sides shaved and bleached." I nod and we go inside. I can feel everyone staring at me- again. Being the new kid sucks. I take a quick glance around and- holy shit, that's Frank? Fucking hell he's attractive. Oh shit, wrong direction, back to school, back to school! Oh god, I think I stared at him for like, half a minute, please let him have not realized that. For fucks sake, can't I make a normal first impression once? Appearantly not. I quickly decide against sitting next to Awsten, because this is art and I kind of want to focus on that, so I slowly make my way over to Frank's desk. "Hi, mind if I sit here?" Frank looks at me, quite surprised I guess but then shakes his head and mutters something like "'Course not" while taking his bag off the other chair so I can sit down. A few minutes later, our teacher comes in and I stare at him in awe. He wears like the best makeup ever annd a rose jacket which looks really awesome. I just hope the class is going to be good too.

Aaah so this is the first chapter of my new and very first actual fic. I just randomly popped this up and decided "Hey, that actually sounds good, I would read things like these" so here I am, writing this. And please, if you decide to read this, leave me comments, because I like them very much and they make me happy. I didn't want to put too much action with Frank in already at the first chapter, this is why it might be a little short. I also don't know what the usual chapter length and how long this whole thing will be. Might work with 2000 words, might go with 2500, we'll see. Thank you so much for reading this and until next time! ~Midnight <3