"If You Want Me To Be"

7 - someday I won't have an idea of what to put here anymore

Hi, small a/n, I am currently reading through a few chapters again and I just realized I made a mistake here because Frank actually has two hours later on monday and not tuesday, I think I accidentally discounted that I made them have no school the day before so this happened. I also made a mistake in a later chapter because of this too, so just in case you were wondering, there are two continuity mistakes, one here and one in chapter 17 but I can't really correct them anymore because I'm a dumbass. I hope I won't make that happen again. Okay, that's all, now have fun reading!

Waking up without Frankie next to me feels weird and we only have done that for like, three days. This just sounded as if we're fucking married. Oh yeah, Frankie also has two hours later than me today. I remember though, that this means I'll sit next to Ray now. I like Ray really much actually, maybe he'd want to get a bit closer in our friend group? I'll try to include him more today. When I walk into the room I look if Ray's already there. He is, so I let mysellf fall into my seat next to him and start talking. "Hey Ray! Your hair looks really good today." "Oh, hi Gee. Thanks...I've been wanting to try a ponytail out for a while now. I think I like it open more though and leave the ponytails to Joe. He really rocks them. I like that flower crown you're wearning by the way. Really suits you." "Thanks! I love this thing and it's nice knowing I'm not the only one thinking it looks good on me. Means much to me." Ray smiles at me and I return the gesture. "Hey uh would you maybe...only if you want of course, hang out a bit more with Frankie, Trick and me? You know, would be totally awesome to have you as a closer friend." "Really? Oh if your friends are okay with it, I'd love to! Thanks." "Oh come on, don't thank me. It's the least I could do, you make me feel wanted here. And feel like you're a safe space, where I can be me." "Okay, now you're the one who isn't supposed to thank me. This is what people should do. Letting other people be who and what they are. Making others feel safe to express themselves freely. Support them instead of hating on them for what they can't change about themselves." At this point I just want to hug Ray. He's like a damn muffin. "Oh...and umm if I make you feel uncofortable, please let me know. Sometimes I don't really realize this." Okay, I don't care about what's soially acceptable and what not and go for at least a semi-hug. "You're one adorable fucker, Ray." Then the teacher shows up and Ray and I have to stop our small conversation. In the middle of class, Ray pokes my arm lightly. "Hm?" "Uhh...okay so umm this might be a little weird but umm, you don't have to answer that but uhh which sexuality do you deffine yourself with?" I did not see that one coming. "I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't have asked that it just-" "No, no. It's totally fine, I just...I didn't think you'd ask me something like this. Well, I identify as pansexual, means I can be attracted to a person regardless of gender but I do have a slight preference for boys." "Umm...could you maybe tell me...how you found that out for yourself? Like, yeah it can be different for many people to find this out but I'd just like to...have a better understanding, you know?" "Uhh okay, I'll try. Kinda hard because there wasn't really one day where I realized it, it was basically there since I was...uhh...thirteen I think. I-" "Ray and Gee? I've been hearing that you're interrupting my lesson for quite some time now. I'm not an idiot guys. I know how boring class can be sometimes, I've been a student myself and let me tell you I found most things boring as shit and this is basically a reason why I became a teacher. I want to make class interesting and funny and I'm trying pretty hard so could you like, just pretend you're paying attention? I don't want to get you guys in trouble, I've hated that myself much. And I don't want to embarrass you in asking you what you just talked about so please, coule you talk this out later?" Shit. I thought we were quiet enough for Mr. Urie not to hear. "Sorry, Mr Urie, we'll stop talking now." I say and he continues his class. Ray shoots me an apologizing glance, so I take a small piece of paper out of my folder and write 'It's not only your fault, I'm as guilty as you' on it, then I slide it over to Ray. When the class is over and everyone's packing their stuff up, Mr Urie tells Ray and me to stay for a few more minutes.  When everyone except us left, our teacher walks over to our desk, grabs a chair an seats himself infront of us. "So boys, I promise I didn't stalk your conversation and I didn't hear very much but you know, my gaydar kind of went on and like, just so you know, If any of you ever have problems with this sort of thing, you can trust me on it. I won't tell anybody and maybe I can give you some advide." He gives us a genuine, small smile and walks away again. "Okay what the fuck just happened?" I ask and Ray frowns and shrugs as we pack our stuff. "I'll walk you to your next class." "But you're gonna be late for yours and I don't want your friends worry where you are." "But I like talking to you and I want to accompany you. I don't accept a 'no'. So, are you ready Ray?" Ray sighs and tries to hide a smile, which he's not really good at. "Yeah." Then we go to where his next class is. "Okay, so you'll find my friends and me on that one table we always sit, where you once already sat with us, alright?" "Yeah, thanks again for inviting me." "Oh, it's really no problem. Like I said, I like having you around. Now, I still gotta get to my next class. See you then!" Ray walks into his class room and I make my way to the second floor. I'm really lost in my thoughts, so I don't realize there's someone walking behind me.  I only really realize that as the person lays a hand on my shoulder. I slightly wince because it startled me really much, then I turn around and see Frankie standing there. "Frankie? You look exhausted, did you run here?!" "Well, hello to you too. Yeah, I kinda slept in so I had to rush, fortunately we're gonna be in class just in time, if we hurry now. What's your excuse of being so late? Not like you didn't have class before." "Well uhh...I'll have to tell you later, sorry." "Oh it's totally fine. I was just being kinda too curious again." After this short conversation finished, we silently walk to our class.  And Frankie was right, we're here two minutes before the lesson starts. Luckily our teacher also isn't in the room yet, she'd have freaked out about us being so late, even though we're technically still on time. We go to our seats quickly and unpack our stuff. Just as we're done, the teacher comes in. Phew, close one. Don't want to kinda almost get in trouble again. This lesson is one of the most boring lessons I have, so I take a piece of paper out of my Folder and write a short message to Frankie. 'Felt weird waking up without you' I slide it over to him, so he can read it. Soon, he takes a pencil out and scribbles something on the note too. 'Yeah, same here. Missed the cuddling much. Btw, love that flower crown you're wearing.' I smile at that but then put the note away, in fear of being caught. This teacher is nuts when it comes to not paying attention in her class.  After this really boring double lessons and two slightly better lessons, finally lunchtime. We walk to our usual table, where Pete and Mikey already wait for us. Ray isn't there yet. "Oh hey, by the way...you don't have anything against me inviting Ray to hang out with us, do you?" "Of course not, I like Ray." "Yeah me too, I mean, we're in a band together. And I also don't think Pete has anything against Ray being with us either." We reach the table and Mikey and Pete greet us. In this moment Ray comes in and looks around a bit unsere, so I wave him over to us. "Oh hey by the way Gee, can you please now tell me why you've been so late?" "Gotta wait for Ray to be able to answer you. Oh and there he is, hi Ray." "Hey guys. And you really have nothing against me being here?" "No no, of course not", Patrick starts rambling, "You're definetely welcome here." The others agree quicky and Ray sits down. "Hey Ray uh...do you want to continue that conversation we had this morning in private or would it be okay if we did it here? I mean, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to talk this out in private." "Umm...I guess I'd be okay with doing it here." "Okay. Good so I'll just uh yeah...continue where I left off. Maybe this interests you guys too. So yeah well it basically was there with me since I was thirteen. I just...never really felt a special attraction to boys or girls. Or well, anyone for that matter, I just felt like if you'd ask me what I classify as, I'd just tell you that I don't care. And I never really questioned that and never really had this big coming out moment. I researched about it and then found the term pansexual. I felt and still do feel comfortable with it. Someday my parents basically just kind of knew about this but I had to explain it to them but I got a bit stuck. But that's another story which I'm not gonna tell now." "Thanks Gee, I really appreciate you telling me -more likely us- this. I think- yeah. I wanna tell you why exactly I asked about this. So lately I've caught myself not only thinking about girls but also sometimes about boys. But there are also many times where I just...I don't know, feel like everyone is just...not appealing at all and I don't enjoy thinnking about...you know. And I don't know it kinda frustrates me. I don't know what to do about this, how to feel about this. I-I-" Frankie interrupts him. "Hey, hey it's okay. This is totally fine Ray and I think I know what you're going through. I had a similar problem last year. Oh by the way, I'm guessing this is why you were so late Gee, right?" "Yeah. Urie caught us talking. He made us stay behind for a few minutes and he said we could come to him when something like this is bothering us." "Oh, Urie you say? Yeah totally follow this advice.  As I was saying, I've had a similar problem last year. One day, when I was really troubled with it and desperately needed someone to talk, Urie realized I've been kinda...off. I told him that I was too scared of my parents' reaction to this after I told him how I felt. He was really understanding and tried to help me where he could. He also told me that it's not important to label yourself with something as long as you feel comfortable with it." "Oh and if you guys ever need someone else to talk to, I'm here as well." Trick suddenly chimes in. My brother and Pete follow up at once: "We are too."  "Aw thanks you guys. This is one of the nicest things someone's ever done for me." "Really Ray? That's...sweet but that also implies people aren't usually really nice to you, doesn't it?" "Yeah well, I mostly just get overlooked by people and some might even say I'm for no use here but I can handle it pretty well." "What the fuck no. You're gonna stay in this friend group now. Nothing with getting overlooked here. We're gonna treat you fair and like a friend, right guys?" "Yeah" They all respond to me in unsion. And then we all basically had the same idea and stand up to hug him. "Aww guys...I-" "Shh. Don't ruin the moment." After that hug we get back to our chairs and finish eating. We also rant a bit about some classes until the bell rings. Last class for today.  And then finally home and probably reading comics with a nice cup of tea. Sounds like a good plan to me. Oh right no, today's my first band practice. How could I forget about that? Now I'm kinda nervous and it seems like Frankie notices that too. "Hey Gee, are you okay? You're kinda a little jittery and also playing around with your hair." "Oh. Just a bit nervous about, you know, band practice. I'm probably overworrying a bit here but I can't really help it." Suddenly I feel something warm grabbing onto my left hand. I look down and see that Frankie took it and now intertwines our fingers and squeezes my hand slightly. "Come on, you can do this. Maybe this'll help you to calm down?" He slightly blushes as he says that. I think I'm gonna die, he's so fuckin adorable I can't. I smile at him and tell him tnat I do feel a bit better now. When we finally reach the class room, he doesn't make an attempt to let go of my hand and even during class he still holds it. Even though that means he has to write with his left hand and he really looks uncomfortable, but when I told him he could let go of my hand, he just simply said no so here we are. Finally, class is over and Frankie still didn't let go. "Dude, Frankie, you know that you eventually have to let go, right? Not like you can play guitar like this. "Mh you're right. Buuuut until we're in the music room, I can still hold your hand." "Oh well, I guess you can do that. But now let's go or we're gonna be late. Arriving at the room, I can see Pete already waiting, but he's the only one. "Hey Pete! Oh by the way, how is it going with Mikey's progress in learning bass?" "Hi guys. He's doing really good and also pretty fast. He could soon easily start learning harder songs to play." "That's nice to hear. And...how's it going with you two? I mean, I could ask Mikey but he's not here right now but you are here so I can also ask you." He blushes a little. "It's uh..well going really good actually and uh...I'm like, really happy to have him and I think I really am in l-" Ray suddenly bursts into the room, togethere with someone I haven't met yet. "Hey Guys! Sorry we're a bit late, we got hold up." Pete looks a little relieved about the interruption. "Oh yeah, Gee- this is Bob. He's our drummer. Bob, this is Gee. Like I told you, Gee'd like to try being the lead singer.", Ray introduces us. "Hey, nice meeting you." "Pleasure." "...yeah Bob isn't really a man of many words. Anyway, you guys ready?" The guys play and I'm giving my best. After one and a half hour, we're all completely done. "You were great Gee, really. Glad you decided to say yes to practice. I guess I'm speaking for us all if I say we'd be thrilled to have you as an official band member." Ray says and the others nod approvingly. "Thanks guys. I'm really flattered by this.", I say, blushing rather strongly. "Come on Gee, let's go. See y'all tomorrow!" With that, Frankie grabs my hand again, and we're leaving. "Frankie I'm kinda tired." "Yeah and what am I supposed to do about this? Not like I can carry you hom- oh no. Gee, no. I will not carry you home. It's literally only five minutes from he-oh no, those puppy eyes won't work on me. Gee, I swear to- ughh fine. But only this one time. Hop on my back, after I put my bag down. You gotta carry that until I drop you off." Gladly, I jump on his back and let him carry me. I'm really fucking tired so somehow, I kinda fall asleep on Frankie's back. I wake up when he abruptly halts but I don't want him to let go of me so I pretend to still be asleep. I notice him ringing the doorbell and shortly after, someone opens the door. "Oh. Hello Frank. Is Gee alright?" Mom. "Yeah, they were just tired and basically, well actually somehow this was my idea. Anyway, can I come in? Not like I can just drop him off here." "Oh of course. Come in. Do you want to stay for dinner? I could call your mom to tell her you're here. But, bring Gee downstairs first maybe. You look exhausted. I'm gonna come in later." With that, she leaves us and goes into the kitchen. I feel Frankie struggling to get down the stairs but I don't really know what do do about it. When he lays me on my bed carefully and brushes over my arm, I smirk lightly and say "Thanks." without opening my eyes. "Dude. How long have you been awake. What the fuck man. You're like, heavy." I'm sorry, Frankie. You're just so comfortable. Cuddle with me?" Now I slightly open my eyes. Frankie rolls with his eyes and then smiles. "Allright. Could we like, take off our shoes first? I mean, I couldn't really get them off us before." So we do as he said and then lay down in my bed. I scoot closer to Frankie and he cuddles up to me. I yawn and say "Mhh so...tired." "Then sleep. I'm here to protect you." Frankie mumbles into my chest and I can't stop a smile spreading across my face. Then, I slowly fade into sleep.

Can you believe I just fucking forgot to upload this?? What the fuck. Anyway: Thank you so much for reading this and until next time! ~Midnight <3