SomeWhere On... (BXB)

...Canon Street (A Vignette) - March

Interstellar's on TV. Steve's watching it while I throw a pizza in the oven. He and Jess've been going through a rough patch and is bitching to me about it. I'd be glad for it if I wasn't totally distracted already. Murph's had more shifts at the firm he interns at, so he's been spotty at best.

"I mean, she's great, yeah?" he asks, muting the television. "But sometimes, she just...pushes my buttons, y'know?"

I...don't really. Murph's pretty laid back and easygoing, and when we do fight, it's about stupid things like what to watch when we have the time to video call. Or even, just, getting shit off our chests and saying what we mean instead of what we think the other person wants to hear.

I still nod and say, "Yeah."

Steve turns my way and asks, "You 'n Murph never get into a tiff like..." He looks away for a moment, chuckling. "...anyone I know."

I scratch my neck and go for the refrigerator. "We just...can't spare the time to do that shit." I grab two beers and slam the door closed with my foot. "With us working, we don't have...like, the freedom to argue like that." I hand one bottle to Steve and twist off the top. "We...can't afford to spend time fighting about shit." I inhale and flop back on the couch next to him. "What's the point of that?" I ask, taking a sip.

Steve leans forward, playing with the neck of the bottle. "Do you ever think..." He swallows. "Do you ever wonder...if this is all worth it?" He isn't looking at me.

I sigh, frowning. "...yeah."

He looks back at me. "Really? You 'n Murph're thick as thieves."

It's my turn to look away. "Doesn't mean it isn't hard," I whisper, looking at him. "Like...there 're times...where I just..." I breathe in through my teeth. "...want him to stop. Stop thinking. Stop apologising. And, and he's sweet, and thoughtful, but he isn't here when I need him to be, and, and he – " I put the beer on the table and bury my face in my hands.

"Mate, you okay?" Steve puts his hand on my back.

I throw myself to my feet. "No, no. I had something." I wipe my eyes and look back to him. "There are times where I want to give up. Where I want, to put this all behind us. Because, because nothing is more fucking awful than being away from him. Because nothing sucks ass more than wondering if this is all worth it." My arms flop to my sides, and my eyes dip to the floor. "But...I keep telling myself I'm not gonna find anyone who gets me like he does...who can make me laugh like he does. Who makes me feel unstoppable..." I can't find the word for it. "...just by...being him." I look back to Steve. "Look, I'm not one to come to for relationship stuff. Murph's my first, and I'm shit otherwise."

Steve exhales. "I'd get behind that."

"But the one thing Murph tells me all the time, is to tell him when something's bothering me. So he can help." In his annoying, weird Murph way. "My best thing to say is to start there."

"So I'm the relationship novice now, huh?" Steve asks, taking a sip from his beer.

I don't know what 'novice' means. "Probably."

"Wow." He cracks a smile.

"Feel any better?" I ask, sitting back down next to him.

"Eh," he says, shrugging. "I'll be better when she's back in town."

I pick back up my beer. "To our, as you put it, deferred successes."

"Wow," he laughs, clinking beers with me.

Steve and Jess broke up two weeks later. They thought they were better as friends.