The Beating of Your Heart

Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

It's happening. The day I've worked so hard for has finally arrived. If only there were less bumps on the road...

"No," Combeferre persists.

They boys all sigh at once.

"Combeferre, you've been against every idea Enjolras has suggested," Courfeyrac points out.

"Then maybe it's a sign that they're not good ideas!"

"Combeferre," I try. "We have to be all in this together, if not it's not going to work. You have to set your hatred towards me aside for the greater good."

"Greater good, huh? I don't see it. All I see is all of you lying dead in a pool of blood while Javert stands there, laughing in your faces. Your dead faces. We need more time."

"What we need is to believe in ourselves! We've been planning for months. We're ready."

"Maybe you are, Enjolras. But I'm not willing to take the risk." Combeferre takes a deep breath. "I'm out."

"That's just it? You're just going to quit?"

"Yeah, I am. Just like you did. But that didn't stop you from coming back and discarding all that I did while you were away like some week old trash. I'm done with this joke of a revolution. I want a future, and you'd all be dumb not to want one too."

And with that he storms down the steps of Café Musain. A second later, we hear the door slam shut.

"Well, that was something," Grantaire lets out before raising a half-empty bottle of liquor. "Who wants a sip?"

I grab it from his hands and toss it on the ground. The glass shatters into a million pieces.

"A future?" I say. "This is our future! This is the future of Paris! This is the future I choose for myself. I'm not asking you to do the same. I'll understand if you don't want to risk dying. I won't lie: the odds aren't necessarily in our favor. But what we have is our beliefs. And I believe in a better Paris. I believe that we can do this. I believe in us, gentlemen. I guess that the question here is: Do you believe in yourself?"

Silence floods the room as all the boys look at each other, no one willing to state their opinion first.

"I believe in us," Marius suddenly says. "We can do this."

"Javert's out of the way," Feuilly adds. "So I guess we'd be stupid to waste that opportunity."

"I'm in," Courfeyrac says. "I haven't been planning this for months to just walk away."

"The worst that'll happen is that we'll die together," Prouvaire points out. "And I can think of no other people I'd rather die with."

"Then grab your weapons, gentlemen," I exclaim. "This revolution will be won soon."

The door suddenly bursts open as someone starts rushing up the stairs. It doesn't take me long to recognize Gavroche.

"Buddy, where've you been?" Courfeyrac exclaims.

"Javert just woke up in the sewers!" he exclaims, completely ignoring Courfeyrac. "We need to do this now!"

Gavroche grabs a little revolver resting on the nearest table and rushes back down the stairs. The boys start yelling, building up their courage as they each grab a gun and ammunition and follow Gavroche out in the streets.

And at that moment, I think I realize what Combeferre was talking about. A future. If we die there, Gavroche won't have a future, and he has barely lived.

I grab a gun with shaking hands and head down the stairs.

What have I done?

I have destined a child to an almost certain death. That's not being a leader. I don't think I remember what being a leader is anymore.