Silver

Chapter 66 - then

After school, he appeared out of the shadows, on the steps near the station. I could hardly believe my eyes.

'Jarvis, what are you doing here?'

'Is there some place we can speak, without anyone seeing us?'

'Sure,' I said. Girls were streaming down the steps. I couldn't be seen to be speaking to a man who was not my husband. I pretended I didn't know him and walked a couple of paces ahead. I lead him down some side streets to a rocky part of the beach, where only dog walkers visited at dusk.

'What is it?' I asked, my heart in my mouth. 'Does she know?'

'It's not that. I needed to tell you this face to face. Nina's six months pregnant. We thought she couldn't have children. So it's taken us by surprise. Six months. Can you believe it? She hadn't even realised. Or she says that she hadn't realised. Too busy to notice she's pregnant,' he was lifting his weight up and down onto one rock, like he had energy to spare.

'So what does that mean?' I asked, winded.

'It means I'm more trapped than ever. It means I've got a goddamn chain around my neck and Nina holds the key.'

He looked like a wreck. His hair was unwashed and greasy and his eyes looked baggy.

'I can't go anywhere, Sylvie. I'm stuck now. I can't run out on my baby. As much as I can't stand his mum, I have to stay around and love my baby. He can't not have a dad,' he sat down on a rock and ran his hand through his hair. 'It's a boy, you know? Of course Nina had to find out. She can't have any surprises. I've always had this belief that when someone dies, they get born back into the family soon after. And you'll think this is silly, but I truly believe that it's my brother being born again.' I sit down next to Jarvis, put my arm around him and let him rest his head on my shoulder. 'I have to do my best by him, I hope you understand.'

I weaved my fingers through his. He'd bitten his fingernails until they'd bled at the corners.

'So what does this mean for us?'

'It means I can't see you any more Sylvie. I've gone completely crazy for you. I'm insane for you. I can't live a normal life when I'm thinking about you all the damn time. This is the hardest thing ever, but ...'

His words were like roadkill, flat and bloody, I could almost smell the stench of them. He was still talking, but all I could visualise was an effigy of my heart, burning on a stake, turning to charcoal, ash discolouring the air around me.

I ran before I choked.