Chasing Reality.

27 - A Dash of Old Love.

I freeze.

And so did he, my mind is reeling in ways to apologize but my mouth feels like I'm learning how to use it for the first time.

Eden stands just five feet away but I can't - no I don't know how to respond. Our last encounter wasn't so sweet and it was just this morning and now it's late afternoon. A lot has changed since that time but I can't stop feeling like he's fighting something within too.

I remember learning that adrenaline causes flight or fright but unfortunately for me I got the last effect, freeze. Jordan moves gingerly past me to embrace his brother. They engage in a conversation, ignoring me. First, their voices and shoulders were tense then it turns comical. Jordan has an arm across Eden's shoulders and they're laughing.

I think Jordan just saved me because when Eden looks at me there's a softness to his gaze. Jordan goes to join Sam and Ronnie on the rocks near the lakeside, leaving Eden and I in a stare contest.

I honestly can't take the silence, "Eden – I'm..." The apology never left my mouth completely before Eden beckons me to follow him.

I walk behind him feeling like a child that has been scolded for lying. We walk in silence till we reached his truck that he packed beside the cobblestone path.

Eden silently went in as I took a seat he set up for me near the front of the truck. He came out moments later with a paper bag, just like the one he bought this morning and took a seat next to me.

I peek in to find two carefully wrapped Cheese sandwiches, just like the first time we met. I picked one up and handed it to him.

" Here, have one... " I say, thinking about all the times, he has brought me sandwiches to cheer me up.

He smiles mischievously, " I don't want your sympathy. " he represses a smile like he doesn't know what is going on.

" Sympathy! " I scoff, " I'm not giving you sympathy, I just want to share a meal with someone. I rarely eat alone." I gave him a small pout to seal the deal.

" You must have a lot of friends... " Eden says as he takes the sandwich.

I didn't want to think about the fact that I probably chased most of my friends away because of my attitude since Summer died. People have finally seen the crack – in little miss perfect's life – that they've been looking for. And I don't blame anyone for whatever they'll say or are saying about me because it's all my fault.

" I did...but now I think I've lost them all, " I look up to meet his eyes, the light hazel eyes and how they glow like honey. The breeze plays with his hair blowing it here and there. " Have I lost you too? "

He doesn't answer me, he just looks away and smiles. Instantly embarrassment and guilt cloud my mind and I look at the grass below me as it absorbs my tiny teardrops. His singular act felt like a knife to my heart and I don't know why my heart skipped a beat at that question.

" Hey, " A hand reaches out for my chin and lifts my head "Don't cry okay. You're too beautiful to start crying in the open," my red face probably turned even redder at his comment.

" I don't hate you, I've never left you even if you did behave like a self centered little girl. Don't think for one second that you've lost me, " He says all this while holding my chin high and staring into my eyes. I feel like I'm on fire on the inside but outside I'm a crying mess.

Eden lets go of my chin all of a sudden leaving my skin instantly cold, only to be warmed by a fresh trail of tears. I follow his lead and get up from the chair.

The raging storm in my heart is only worsened and tear at the last strength and restraint I have left.

Not understanding his strange behavior or my heart, I put my arms around him for behind – because his back is to me – and cry into his shirt because I don't know what else to do.