The Red Game [ Teenlock/Johnlock BBC]

The Darken Heart Of A Broken Mind, Part 1.

'

Hello, John.’’, says Ella with her usual soft smile. ‘’How are things doing?’’

A silence echoes inside the small visitor's room in which Ella and John are sitting. The plain and white walls of the room contrasting with the dark aluminium table fixed to the floor and the cold white neons suspended above them gives to the tiny space an illusion of an interrogation room, which is kind of the truth.  

‘’I am…’’, he begins. ‘’…better, I would say…’’

She frowns her brows lightly.

‘’You would say? What’s stopping you to affirm that you’re better, John?’’

‘’I don’t really kn-…’’, he starts before Ella cuts him.

‘’I think we both know that you exactly know what’s, well, who’s stopping you…’’, she retorts. ‘’It’s you and only you. Now, go on and talk to me.’’

John lifts his eyes in her direction before looking away.

‘’I…I’ve been having dreams.’’, he says softly. ‘’About…him.’’

Ella smiles gently as he rests her elbows on the table.

‘’And who’s him?’’, she asks even if she knows the answer.

‘’Oh, please, Ella, you know exactly of who I am speaking…’’

‘’Maybe not.’’

John fall back into his chair, sighing loudly, crossing his arms before putting both of his hands on top of his knees. He looks at them quietly as Ella calls him.

‘’John…’’, she speaks. ‘’I need you to say it. You shouldn’t be scared of a name.’’

At the end of her sentence, he chokes a laugh. A sad and weak laugh.

‘’Ok, then.’’, he says. ‘’Sh… It’s Sherlock.’’

John’s eyes can’t help but to start watering as he quickly turn his head away.

‘’It’s okay, John…’, she says, putting her papers aside. ‘’Now, tell me. What’s Sherlock doing in your dreams…?’’

‘’I don’t know.’’, says John, his voice cracking as tears starts to fall down his cheeks. ‘’He’s just there…and he’s…trying to tell me something but, I can’t hear him and after that, he’s putting his hand around my throat and he just keep talking and I don’t know, Ella…’’

‘’John.’’, Ella says, stopping him. ‘’Calm down…’’

But, John doesn’t seems to be able to. His tears are unstoppable even if he tries to dry them with the left sleeve of his dark red jumper, while slightly trying to hide his face out of shame. No one should see him cry, not even Ella and now, he’s exposed at his biggest fear. The fear of being weak. The last year that John have been living has changed him so much that even him can’t recognise himself. The emotional wounds that the day left him are still open and god damn, it’s easy to hurt him. He wants all this to end, he’s tired of being a victim but, he’s not strong enough it seems to stop being it. Ella gets up and kneels in front of John.