𝘈𝘙𝘐𝘚𝘌

153: Ma

Maa,
It has been a very long time since I've talked to you. How have you been? I am well. I hope you are too. I miss you. I miss you like I always do. I miss you lending me your hand and I, clutching to your fingers while we cross the road. I've learned to cross it alone now. The maid cooks all my favourite dishes. But, but it's nothing compared to your simple dal rice. I miss your food. No one here notices that I've been skipping meals until dad comes home at night and sees the food untouched. He tells me that I shouldn't punish myself for what happened and that this would only upset you more. But ma, I've been skipping meals. Why don't you scold me? Why don't you rant about health and vitamins and all the nutrients I should consume? Why don't you scold me that I've been growing skinnier? Why don't you make me something yourself? Why don't you make me sit beside you and feed me with your own hand? Why don't you Ma? There's no one around here who would sit, be ears to my words and feed me while I tell them about my day. I miss talking to you Ma. I miss you giving me advices to take care and call you once I've reached. I promise to not mock about it and to hear you always. I want to call you to tell you I'm okay, to tell you I'm safe but you don't seem to answer anymore. I miss hearing you say that you'll miss me. I miss you telling me to come home soon. I keep losing my stuff, documents, assignments, books like always. The only thing new is that now I have to find them alone. All these Parent-Teacher meetings only remind of the one thing that I've lost-- a shelter. I miss hugging you. I miss resting my head on your chest and you caressing my hair, my therapy to avoid the world. You loved me when no one else did. You were there when everyone else had left. You gifted me a candle when the lights went out. You made me love myself. You made me stronger. How could I possibly not miss all of that? Now that you're not here anymore, I've lost my only strength.
I don't want aunty to make me tiffin, I don't want the maid to feed me, I don't want to go to a family dinner with two people, I don't want to go to places without a hand to hold, I don't want to feel this empty anymore. I can't. All I want is you. I wish I had a lot more time with you before you left us. Dad is away all the time. And I don't blame him. Life has to go on, even without you. It's just that it's a whole lot different now and I miss you. I miss you like always.

03/09/18
9pm

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This piece never fails to make me cry.
Did it bring tears to your eyes too?