That 000000 & ffffff || Matty Healy

Settle Down

"Is that my phone?"

"Let's just say these are things I thought I wanted to see, but I'm not sure how I feel about them anymore," he replies, an eyebrow raised and his finger flicks though what I can only assume are pictures.

"You saw Matty's nudes?" I guess, falling back against the bed.

He nods his head, "Was hot." He sets the phone down beside him and sits up, properly analyzing me, his hand against my forehead, checking my temperature, I assume.

"Where's Anna?" because I miss her. He scrunches his nose up before answering.

"Jimmy would only let one of us take you to the hospital. We played rock, paper, scissors. I won. Also, before you freak out, I took you home. It wasn't that serious."

I swat his hand away from my face, "How long was I out?"

He shrugs, "seven. Maybe eight."

My eyebrows crinkle, "What? Minutes? Hours? Days?"

He hums before saying, "Yeah, I suppose." I reach my hand out and pinch his arm. He squirms and squeals a bit, "Hey!"

"You're an asshole."

He rolls his eyes. "Hey, how come there's none of your nudes on your phone? Like I've seen Matty, but what, did you not respond?"

I glare at him, refusing to blush at his inquiry, "How's Drew?"

"Touché," he grumbles, shifting so that he laying beside me. He then scoots closer, placing most of his weight on top of me, only a blanket separating us. "Are you okay, Marcy?"

I nod, my eyes wandering to the ceiling. I remember back at my parents' house, I had these glow in the dark stars stuck on the ceiling. I had Papa put them up for me. I use to think he was superman.

They were supposed to keep me in my room; I wouldn't have been scared if they were on my walls, ridding away any bad monsters. But I still remember somehow always ending up gravitating towards my dads' bedroom, snuggling between them, pleading with them to let me stay, I wanted Superman.

Daddy would grumble, saying Superman was shit, Batman was better. They'd have an argument about it and I'd fall asleep to dreams about superheroes and when I woke up, I'd always be in back in my own bed.

I want glow in the dark stars in this room. It's almost an exact replica of my old room, but I'd never thought I'd miss the stars like I did now.

Too many monsters eating up inside me, I suppose and Daddy and Papa weren't here to comfort me. They had Ari now.

And in spite of that, I wasn't quite sure how to explain any of this to my parents anyways. I know they'd be disappointed, I know they wouldn't approve, but I'd still like to hear their input.

I settle on the next best thing; I tell Jamie, about what happened at work. He knows what happened, I know Jimmy has told both him and Anna, but he still listens to me, and I love that about him. He calls them some things I don't think I can repeat, but it makes me feel slightly better. "They're shady as fuck," he mumbles. And yeah, I guess.

The more I think back, the less the altercation even makes sense to me.

I hate that Natalie was there, I hate that Brian showed up, I hate the flowers were for her, and I hate that he still tried to lead me on days before. But I don't hate them. And I wish I did. I'm angry and hurt and I want them to suffer somehow but I still love them, maybe a very different way than I use to, but it's still there. I was never one to fall out of love with someone, I never understood how. We shared too many moments for me to forget about it and let it go. It's silly of me, when I think about it.

Jamie runs his hand over my hair, it's damp with sweat and his fingers get tangled in the knots. He struggles before giving up and rolling to the side of me in defeat. "You should cut your hair."

Of course, I guess he doesn't think I take it to heart, but I do. It's a few days later when work seems awkward for me, I know Jimmy wants to talk about it, but I don't want to talk about it. It's when I keep dodging Brian and Natalie or anyone that so much as looks like them upon first glance anywhere in the middle of the street. It's when I'm a whiney bitch fiending for attention from my parents –and don't ever get me wrong, I love Ari more than I ever thought I could, but I miss my parents too. It's when Matty's phone calls have gone from hours, to minutes, to thirty seconds at most. It's on a Friday when I'm at the diner with Anna and Louise, and Louise has went from her lilac hair to a soft blue, and we might have been talking about split ends and the latest trends when I announce, "I think I want to cut my hair."

Anna hums thoughtfully before nodding your head, "You should do something different with it – dye it a different color," she glances at Louise's bright hair as if it had brought her inspiration.

"I'm not as daring as Lou...but maybe I'll go lighter?" I amend. Louise bites her lips, reaching a hand over from across the table to take my chin in her hand, turning my face from left to right.

"I have an idea," she says and I'm honestly willing.

-

"Matty, I bleached my hair," I say into the phone, looking at my reflection in the mirror Louise is holding up for me.

"On purpose?" his voice filters through, grainy with the reception.

"By accident," I roll my eyes.

He chuckles, "As long as you're happy, love – listen, I'm in Germany right now, reception kind of shit, I have to talk to Stef, will call you as soon as I can." The line shuts off and I could only vaguely hear the fragments of his sentence. My eyebrows furrow.

"Stef?" I say it to myself more than anyone, the phone dropping to my lap, my new hair the very least of my concerns.

Anna raises her head from where she was seated on our couch, "Baby momma?"

"Stef?" I repeat softly in a bit of disbelief, because when did Stefani Klingenberg turn into just Stef – how close were they, honestly.

"Probably just wants her to stop fucking shit up," Louise reassures me, setting the hand mirror down. I'm doubtful, but I can't afford to start pointing fingers, it seems like Brian has left me paranoid.

"Yeah, I guess...hey, do you think...Do you think Brian and Natalie are, you know, together?"

"Like you and Matty Healy together, or Anna and Jamie together?" Louise asks as I move to the sofa, setting myself next to Anna who glares at the bright haired girl. She shrugs, "What?"

"There is no 'Anna and Jamie,'" Anna hisses at her.

Louise rolls her eyes and sits beside me, "Settle down, I'm just observing is all." She turns to me, her hand wrapping around my shoulder, "Speaking of Jamie, he told me you squished a bug and fainted?"

"Bugs are disgusting," I mutter and I'm slightly surprised Anna hasn't launched into why our ecosystem needs bugs and what not to keep the cycle of life going. "Slight mysophobic," I mumble, aware how she hasn't exactly answered my question about Brian and Natalie.

______________________________________________