Love, Suzi x - A Romantic Comedy

Letter 11 - What's wrong with you?

15th April - Home

Dear Eve

Matt seemed pleased to see me when I made it back to England. He gave me some flowers and took me out for a meal at my favourite restaurant. It’s where the fish and chip shop used to be. Remember we used to pool our bus money and get a bag of chips on the way home from school? Extra salt for me and all swimming in ketchup to keep you happy. When the fish people left it became a Chinese takeaway but that didn’t last long and since then it’s been a brilliant Italian.

It was a pleasant evening, which means there wasn’t any arguing, but he didn’t ask me anything about my job. After I’d ordered my usual Four Seasons pizza with extra onions he chatted away telling me about events at work. Only once did I change the conversation to my recent trip to Vancouver but Matt quickly steered us away from that topic by telling me he was in line for a promotion. I’m really pleased for him that his career seems to be taking off. I took the hint and listened patiently and didn’t mention my work again. If he doesn’t want to acknowledge my new lifestyle then perhaps I shouldn’t force it on him? But we will have to face it at some point. What I must face is do I want to be with him anymore? If the answer is no, I’ve got to tell him sooner rather than later. Just not sure how to do it without hurting him.

Had to leave this for a while before I could finish it.

Wow, feel as though I’ve been hit by a sledgehammer. I didn’t realise Matt had it in him. After the flowers and meal date, I went round to see him the next day.  He was behaving a bit strangely but I just ignored it. I just thought he might be tired. He often works long days with few breaks if they have a backlog of cars to fix. It all kicked off on the way back from seeing his sister who’s just had a baby. I did feel a bit suspicious as to why he was so insistent we go round, but I let it ride. The baby was such a sweet little thing and so well-behaved, but his sister looked exhausted. She was worse than some I've seen on a long night sector, and I've seen a few rough sights I can tell you. I’m beginning to know what it is to work nights now and have your body clock all messed up, but at least mine isn’t a life sentence. Anyway he told me in the car that he was thinking of buying his flat and wanted to know whether I would go in with him. Whoa… I hesitated as I was trying to think of a way to say ‘no’ nicely as he’d obviously been building up to this moment. My not-jumping-at-the-offer was enough for him though. The conversation went something like this…

‘What is wrong with you? Don’t you want to settle down and have a family?’ Voice raised. I thought we were going somewhere, Suz… why’ve you changed?’ Long pause to really make me feel guilty. ‘It’s that damn, stupid job. We were fine before you started it.’ Voice nearly at squeaking pitch and large vein on forehead beginning to gleam.

‘Were we?’ Silly comment by me. Might as well have lit a touch paper. It turns out that settling down and having a family is all he’s ever wanted. I’m the one and now it’s my fault that I’ve messed it up. Arghh…

I don’t like arguing it’s so tiring. I could definitely do with some Evie advice right about now. We used to think it would all be so easy, this falling in love and settling down malarkey. It was in all those films we watched. After a few troubles the hero and heroine always made up and got together in the end. Maybe these are my ‘troubled’ times with Matt. It’s just that I can’t see myself walking off with him into the sunset in the end.

I know I’m running away but thank God I’m off again soon on another trip in that magic bird.

Love, Suzi x

Many thanks for dropping in. You can reach me at www.teresahamilton.co.uk or @THamiltonwriter on Twitter.  Would love to hear from you.