Brooklyn Nine-Nine

01 | Five Idiots & Sarge

"What about Officer Kim?" Namjoon asked, pointing in Taehyung's direction for clarification.

"Oh!" Hoseok smiled happily. "He's really skilled and capable!" he exclaimed but quickly, his smile faded. "It's just... how do I say this... he's geographically challenged."

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"I need backup!" Hoseok yelled into his earpiece. "Taehyung, where are you?"

Taehyung stepped out of his police car. "I'm here, Sarge. Where are you?"

Hoseok couldn't see Taehyung in his line of sight. He let out a frustrated groan and pulled up the tracking app on his phone (which was made for couples but Taehyung was a lost cause). Most of the officers in the precinct used the same tracking app for Taehyung (without his knowledge, of course) because he was always getting lost.

"Taehyung! I said east, not west!" Hoseok exclaimed.

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"Remind me to make sure he's always driving with someone else," Namjoon said and raised a brow in Seokjin's direction. "What about him?"

Hoseok's smile faded. "Ah, the other Kim... Seokjin's a great officer and all, but he's very two-faced."

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"You can always come and talk to me whenever you need anything, Hoseok," Jin said, giving the younger man's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Remember, I'm always here for you, and I promise I won't tell a soul."

"You mean it?" Hoseok asked and a smile grew on his face. "You're the best, Jin."

"Of course, buddy," Jin assured with an easy grin, patting his shoulder. As soon as Hoseok left the room, Jin leaned over Jimin's table, stifling a laugh. "Did you hear? Hoseok still keeps a picture of his ex-girlfriend in his wallet!" he laughed.

Little did Jin know, Hoseok was listening in as he stood against the wall in the next room. "That two-faced bitch," he muttered out with teary eyes.

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"He's the reason I see a therapist," Hoseok said.

"What about Officer Park over there?" Namjoon asked, pointing at Jimin.

"Oh! That's Jimin," he said. "He's a valuable asset and I wouldn't be surprised if he became a Captain one day, but... the problem is, he's just..." he struggled. "He's cocky and competitive."

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"Good morning everyone!" Jimin chirped as he walked into the building. "Except you, Hoseok. I'm coming for your job!"

Hoseok returned the sickeningly sweet smile. "I'm coming for your throat!" he mocked.

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"Every damn morning..." Hoseok grumbled.

Namjoon had an amused look on his face. "That guy over there—Jeon Jungkook—what's up with him?" he asked.

"Ah, Jungkook," Hoseok began. "Talented, no doubt, like most of the officers in this precinct, but he's far too careless and treats his job like it's a joke."

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"The drug dealer has been dealt his last card!" Jungkook announced proudly, walking into the building with a handcuffed man being dragged along.

"That made no sense," Yoongi said.

"Why does he have a donut in his pocket?" Taehyung asked, eyeing the glazed donut that was sticking out of his jacket.

"We stopped for a quick bite after I arrested him," Jungkook said with a smile. He pulled out a similar donut from his pocket and took a bite. "Anyone want some?" he asked as Taehyung's face twisted in disgust.

"Jungkook!" Hoseok exclaimed. "Your perp is running away!"

Jungkook turned around to see the criminal making a run for the door with his wrists still restrained by the handcuffs. He took a bite of his donut. "That's not good."

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"Why do all of these examples include you?" Namjoon asked, curious.

"I don't get paid enough."

Namjoon let out a long sigh. "So, from what I'm hearing, this precinct is a mess."

"Precisely," Hoseok said.

"Hmm..." Namjoon pondered with a chuckle. "That should be fine, however. I can bring out their strengths without letting them go wild."

Hoseok raised a brow. "You do you," he said. "As long as Jimin doesn't kill me one day, I'm cool."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I meant to publish this along with the first chapter and I was wondering why everyone was reading the first chapter and just "oh, screw the second chapter."

And then I realized it wasn't published.

So, Yoongi was right: the author is stupid.

Also, pray for me. Yesterday I thought there was a sticker on the wall and I tried to peel it off but it was a spider. I think I'm developing an irrational fear of stickers.