Shadow Dancing | K.TH

Things That Don't Last

Jimin is slumped heavily on a bed with red sheets— which were probably white before he washed them with his blood. His face is stark white with blood loss, his eyes tightly closed.

He looks cold. He looks dead.

V follows a second after I come in, and I can feel his aura change from worry to pure rage as he sees Jimin. Hoseok is working feverishly besides him, measuring medicine and strapping more tubes onto his skin.

"What happened?"

I'm frozen to the ground as Hoseok wipes his forehead in exhaustion and undeniable stress. He looks decades older— and shadows ring his usual cheerful eyes.

"Shot. Two times in the upper half, and once in the thigh. I've taken the bullets out, but—" His voice chokes. "The chances aren't high, V. I don't— I don't know what to do."

I've never seen Hoseok so stressed out.

Gravity seems to weigh me down even further as I look at Jimin's bloodless face. Three gunshots. Three weapons of death that had struck him instead of me.

"This is all your fault."

A low hiss sounds from behind me, just the voice emanating enough anger and rage to make me shiver. Then the voice grows louder— more anger.

"This is your fault!"

A loud slam echoes through the room as V slams his fist against the wall, powerful enough to take out my head. I see Hoseok shoot him a disapproving glare as he attaches another IV to Jimin's body.

"V! Calm down! It's not her fault— she didn't do anything."

"She caused all this." V spits, an animalistic glow in his dark eyes. "I wish I'd never saved her— I wish she was the one shot to death instead of Jimin. Jimin never deserved any of this. She did."

Pain.

And truth.

Guilt.

I know.

"V!" Hoseok shouts louder, his tone now firmer. "Take those words back. Now!"

"No." He growls, gaze still fixed on my flickering form. "No, hyung. We took her in— and for what? Jimin's sacrifice? Who's going to be next? Me? You? Jin hyung?"

Good things never lasted long, not for me. I should've been prepared for this.

V shoots me a last hateful look, his eyes petrifying. "She's an intruder. We made a mistake letting her in, and now we're going to pay the price. One by one, until we're all nothing but the remnants of what we once were."

I would never belong here.

I wouldn't belong anywhere.

But I knew one thing— V was right. He was one hundred and ten percent correct, and he was right to tell me so. Someone had to tell me, and the others were too kindhearted to say it.

And I'd left one of them in ashes.

Who would my selfishness cost next?

I swallow tears as a shaky breath escapes my clenched teeth. I knew what I was going to do. I'd honestly rather die— suffer through torture a thousand times over before I watched another one of them sacrifice himself for me.

Before I watched another strapped to a white bed because of my presence, suffering from a wound that they would've never received if it weren't for me.

I was a broken cause. In the end, I would return to death— or something worse than that.

I was nothing that they should be worrying about.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, my final goodbye. After this, I'd disappear. After this, I'd forget. After this, I'd go back to my father and beg— beg him to let them go. There were so many afters, and one thing was clear—

I was never going to come back.

Spinning on my heel, I run out the infirmary. I don't hear what Hoseok says next as I cut off myself from reality.

Air rushes through me like the wind, and I know that I've disappeared— completely this time. It was a wonder I lasted until now, with my trembling fingertips and my uncontrollable heartbeat.

Only the sound of my crying alerts the others as the door swings shut behind me, and I regret that I hadn't gotten one last look at them before I left.

I wanted them in my memories. I wanted to keep them while I was being stripped of everything else.

But it was too late to turn back. Even my last wish was too undeserving to be granted, no matter how tiny and unimportant it was.

When I escape the suffocating base, I'm greeted with a coldness that stings. It's a premonition of the happenings next— the storm coming.

Like the depression hatching in my chest, I watch with expectancy as the skies erupt with lightning and thunder. And soon, rain follows— cold and harsh and bitter against my ashen face.

Cold and harsh and bitter— just like the life I'd always come back to. There wasn't a paradise for me. There was nothing for me except for the experiments that awaited me, and the devil I called father. At least I wouldn't regret it if I killed him by accident.

But if I even so much caused a scratch on the people I'd left behind, I might just break down and never come back again.

So I was leaving now. I was going to stop that before it happened— it was time to stop being selfish.

Water pours down my back, washing the blood of my wound away and matting my hair to my face. The air is frigid with the blowing wind— but I didn't even care.

I didn't care about anything anymore.

An image of Jimin, fighting for his life, surfaces up in the dark cloud I call my mind. Swallowing down a sob, I quickly brush the thought away.

Don't think about them. It only makes it worse to leave them behind.

Maybe I should just reveal myself to the soldiers and hope they shoot me straight in the head. But I didn't deserve that. I deserved pain and hell and everything in between for what I'd done.

My teardrops blend with the rain, sliding down my cheeks and making my vision blur. The cold tingles against my spine as I run, run, run.

Away from this madness.

Away from this torture.

I'd have to go back sooner or later, but I might as well enjoy my freedom while I could.

As if my feet knew what was best for me, it takes me somewhere that makes me seriously consider. It takes me to a platform that overlooks the entire city, the night, and the full, sparkling moon above.

To sum it up in a single phrase, it's a clean, painless jump.