Let Me Love You Again (Lesbian Story)

Chapter Five

Chapter Five:

Headlights.

Ellie's Pov:

Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them? Not the epression. Litterly die for them. You'd give that one precious life that you have now just to see them be able to smile again. To see them be able to love and grow old into a fufilling life. To see them be able to have a purpose on this hellish Earth. To see them realize the reason they were made out to be and figure out their own destiny. There's only one person i would for. I love her with all my heart but i know i'll never be good enough for her. Even if i did stop playing girls. Even if i did stop drinking, and causing trouble; getting into fights and hurting people. To me, nobody will ever be good enough for my best friend. I remember seeing her heartbroken too many times to even try and be with her. I dont want to be the main source of her pain. To make perfect tears stream down her perfect face. To ruin all our years of love and friendship. I loved kissing and holding her, watching her beautiful grin and rosey cheeks, but i knew it wouldn't last. I would fuck it up or she'd finally realize she wanted a guy. Some athletic asshole who i'd have to kill after he broke her heart. Or maybe some wise ass who i would eventually find a liking to. If im lucky, maybe...just maybe she'd make me the luckiest girl alive and be mine. A girl can dream right? Even if she did i would be scared. For the first time i would be scared. I love her too much and i've always dreamed of us being together since we were kids. Hanging out on the swing sets and sharing popcicles. Not a care in the world. I missed those days even though i really didn't understand much back then. I missed laying under the stars with that old pair of binoculars, wishing to see a shooting star or a UFO. I missed getting into trouble for sneaking out to ride our bikes together in the early morning. I missed holding Sam when she kept having stupid dreams. I would do anything to go back but that's not how  it works. I know it's stupid but....shit.

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''You alright, Ellie?'' My mom asked as she cleaned the kitchen. I looked up from my book at her. ''Yeah?'' She smiled and kissed my forehead. ''It's just you're actually doing your homework.'' I rolled my eyes and chewed on the pecil that laid between my teeth. ''I have to sometimes.'' She nodded and started putting dishes away. ''Can you watch your brother tonight for me?'' Her voice was too polite. I knew she needed me to. ''I watched him last night and the night before. I want to go to Mathew's party tonight.'' She looked over, her brown eyes sinking into me. ''Emma has to work tonight and i have to work late again, Honey. If i had any other option i wouldn't ask you.'' 

I looked behind me at the little guy on the floor crawling around in a set of toys. ''Ell!'' he called out, shoving a lego in his mouth. I groaned and turned back towards my mom. ''What if i take him too?'' She gave me a serious look. ''Take my baby to one of those house parties and you'll forget what it's like to feel sunlight.'' I smiled and tapped my pencil against the counter.''I know you really want to go but please do this for me. Your father will be home at around midnight so you can go then.''

I bit into my apple and nodded, leting he know i would. Deep down i knew i wouldn't wait that long. I had to figure out something. I was not going to spend my friday with this kid, watching Dora struggle to turn her damn head to find some mountain. ''Sure thing.'' I said, handing Noah the other half of the apple. ''Thank you.'' She hugged me tight, ruffling my hair. ''Remember to feed him after taking his bath and no juice before bed.'' I laughed. ''Alright.'' She picked up Noah who was hungrily chewing on his half. ''He's growing so fast.'' She said as she gave him a nose kiss. He giggled and grasped for her hair. 

I walked into my room, laying on my bed. I grabbed my phone and texted Mathew.

"I dont know if i'll be able to make it tonight. If i dont show im sorry."