Saving Grace

Chapter 16

Unedited

Photo of Dr. Meme

"Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sitting in front of the doctor I watch as she takes a sip of her tea. Her skin is perfect for an older lady, her hair is the perfect shade of white, her face always passive. I hate her and she has done nothing but be kind to me.

"How are you feeling today Grace?" She asks like she asks every day.

"Horrible." I admit. She does not show that she is suprised* that I verbally answer maybe she's not. That's what freaks me out about her she is just a big know it all. She never shows any emotions and it bothers me. I feel like nothing I do could ever be anything but what she already expects.

"Why do you feel horrible Grace?" She asks with such mild curiosity that I wonder if she even cares and for some reason that makes me angry. Glancing at Solomon I see that he is only looking at me waiting for an answer.

"Because I hate everything. I want to be happy but I can't and the harder I try the worse I feel. I am out of control and this world outside of my cell is too much. I miss my old life and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for wanting to go back, for wanting to be numb. I hate myself for always wanting to hurt myself to feel the pain that I miss. I miss the mind numbing pain. And I know that makes me broken. I know it's messed up because look!" I say wildly throwing my arms towards Solomon.

"I have literally been gifted sex on a stick and he is a good man, Hell he is a GREAT man! He loves me and he is self sacrificing or deranged enough to put up with me, to try and make me happy. And I am miserable! How is that even possible? All I ever wanted when I was in the cell was to get out and now all I want is for someone to let me back in! So I am horrible, I am a horrible person from the inside out." I finish gasping for air and staining the woman in the eyes. Ha! Take that you old bat. You wanted me to talk and there you have it!

But now for the first time she smiles. What the actual heck?

"That my dear is what progress feels like. You are allowing yourself to feel and it sucks. Now you need to allow yourself to take some more control. I know you have a routine but Solomon and I have had a lot of control in it. I want you to tell us what your routine was like before you were captured."

"I don't remember." I answer without thinking. I'm not sure why but I do not want to tell her. I do not want to tell anyone. My past is my own, it's my happy memories and for a long time it's all I had. To give it away feels wrong.

But when I look over at Solomon I see my future. A future I really can't have until I overcome my past both good and bad. My heart hurts for Solomon he has tears in his eyes but he just gives me a week smile and nod of his head encouraging me to continue. He is so selfless I know that if I say no again he will not push, he will let me leave. He will let me keep drowing while he tries to swim for both of us. Sighing in defeat I start to swim.

"I used to wake up and make breakfast I always had to rush because I hated mornings so I would normally drink a protein shake on my way to work."

"Where did you work?" Solomon interrupts. We never talk about my past so I can understand why he is curious.

"At a women's shelter for battered women and children. I was a case worker, I loved my job. It was my passion." I answer with a faint smile.

"Anyway I would get to work and hangout with the women and kids for a while. I wasn't supposed to I was supposed to be pushing paper by that point but I liked the one on one time outside of my office. So I would spend the first two hours with them. Then I would work until lunch before eating with the girls. After lunch I would make home visits or start working with women who have had a domestic violence call the day before. I liked to go when I could be sure the husband's would be at work. Anyway after that I would go to the gym I was a MMA fighter. I enjoyed the exercise and would run after I trained. Before heading back to work to see the girls after dinner. After that I would sometimes bring paperwork back home and work until I was too tired to keep my eyes open." I admit.

"It sounds like helping women and children was a passion of yours." She says.

"I think it still is, or it could be." I say while glancing at Solomon. I do not want him to think that he isn't enough. But he just has a small smile on his lips and is still looking at me like I hung the moon.

"It's only natural after all considering that will be your role in the pack that this is what would help you. I should have thought of this earlier!" the doctor admits with a bright smile.

"My role in the pack?" I question I didn't think that I would ever have a role in this community if I'm being honest. I am not a wolf how could I help anyone?

"Of course my dear you are mated to a pack member, making you by default a pack member yourself. The Moon gives every member a job and you being mated to the Enforcer of the pack makes you the protector of women and children. So it's only natural that your instincts have lead you to do just that before even meeting your mate!" The doctor beams with pride. So I guess this is a good thing.

Looking over at Solomon I can see that he is smiling too making me smile. Maybe I will have a purpose again. Maybe I will have worth. That alone makes me excited for the future. A future with Solomon where I am equally needed. A future that I can be excited for.

Okay y'all don't forget to vote, and leave me a comment to let me know how you feel! ❤️