Everything Left Unsaid>>GoldenBlackHawk

.16

August 13

Hanging on, that's what I'm doing. I'm barely managing it but I am. Somehow I've managed to stay somewhat happy, around Kevin at least. When I'm around him it's different, I'm able to free myself of the selfish thoughts, and just enjoy the time I have left with him. When I'm not around him, it's completely different. I'm wrapped up in thoughts of discontent trying to find ways to go with Kevin, get Kevin to stay, just someway not to lose him or I'm listening to music. Honestly it's selfish of me though. He says it good for him so it should be fine but it's not.

I now resent the word moving with a passion. It's a stupid concept and a stupid word. I have come to love other things though. Like the word stay. It's become my favorite according to Kevin as I say it more than any "normal" person should. It's not intentional though, I don't even realize I'm saying it, the word just slips out. Kevin's seems used to it now though.

I've also become accustomed to listening to music to drown out feelings and thoughts. Anymore I'm able to easily to rid myself of the thoughts with Kevin but also music. It was nice though I could easily lose myself in La Dispute or All Time Low songs while writing random story fragments that go no where. I liked it though. I liked that I could distract myself in the songs and stories to the point where I was completely emerged in it and thoughts were only about it.

Kevin says he likes walking in on me writing, singing along softly. He says that it makes him feel not so bad(his words not mine). Im glad I've found a way to make both him and I happy. I write he reads, and occasionally steals a piece of paper to draw on. That was us anymore though, either that or I was curled up in his arms while we watch anime, an intense longing to stay like this forever still clutching on in my chest.

It was okay thought I still had Kevin.

I still have Kevin

For now...