Only You (Sequel to Why Try)

Chapter Twenty seven

Dead. Empty. That is how I have been feeling the past few months. I have never felt so alone than I have recently. I know I have loving friends, family and my babies but I just can't help feeling like this.

I have released music but that was because it was due to come out and that's what people wanted.

I'm-I'm not myself..

I've not seen Wolf or Ted for almost two weeks, it's absolutely killing me but I just think they are better off without me. They are at Justin's, he calls me everyday to see how I am..I pick up when I feel like it.
I love my babies I do but I just don't want them to see me like this.

I have hardly left my room, I've eat here and there and my phone is never in my hand only when the boys call. The girls have been round but I haven't opened the door, I just don't want to see anyone.

The media, life, expectations from everyone have just got on top of me, I can't do this anymore. My fans have been worried about me, the last time I checked Instagram they were commenting on my posts and dm'ing me asking if I was okay it's not like me to be off social media for a long time. Their hearts are in the right place.

I'm currently in my dark bedroom, the blinds are drawn, the sun is poking through a tiny bit at the side of the blinds. My bedroom door is locked, just in case. I feel more safe that it's locked.

I've been thinking the past few days that I should just quit music and move away with my kids. That's probably just my sad ass self talking, I'm grateful for all that I have now I really am.
I am depressed, I know I am but how do I become happy again?.
The end of last year and so far this year for me mentally has just been a train wreck. I've been cheated on, public humiliated, torn apart by the media for everything I do and I just feel like a shit mom.

I have painted on a fake smile on my face for way too long, it's exhausting. I'm sick of pretending I'm okay.

A noise came from downstairs, I listened out but I couldn't hear anything again. I just brushed it off and got back to my thoughts.
I then heard footsteps coming closer to my room, who the fuck is in my house?!.

My heart was pounding, my hands became sweaty. The footsteps got a little louder as they got closer, there's more than one person.
Muffling bodies stood outside my bedroom door, the handle was tried but obviously it was locked.

"Aribella? Sweetie??" I let out a sigh of relief, it's Pattie.
"H-how did you get in here?!" I asked calmly.
"Justin found his spare key for here, he's here now".
"Please..I don't want to see anyone. Who else is out there??"
"You can't hide forever Bells" Justin said, the other side of the door.
Tears began to fill my eyes, he's right.

"Open the door sweetheart, we just want to check you're okay. We are worried about you, everyone is!"
I wiped the tears that were falling down my cheeks.
I took in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds. I peeled my duvet from my legs and stood up, slowly walking to the door.

Justin and Pattie were quiet on the other side of the door.
I put my thumb and index finger but I just couldn't turn the lock.

"Bells c'mon we just want to help" his voice was breaking, oh Justin please don't cry.
"I-I can't" I said quietly, my forehead resting on the door, tears still falling.
I hate this feeling.
--
"Wolf and Teddy miss you"
"Justin..please don't"

Just hearing their names broke my heart even more, my babies.
I slid down the door and sat down on the floor, this is gonna be a long night.

"Sweetie please tell us what's wrong..please talk to us" Pattie spoke softly.

"I just hate everything at the moment, I hate myself. I feel lonely every single day, I push people away. I miss my kids!" I said with pure frustration in my voice.

"We love you, your fans love you, your friends do too"
"I know that but I still feel lonely"
"Ari you saved my life more than you know"
Wait what did Justin just say?

"Do you remember that time not long after we met and I hit rock bottom? Who was there for me? You. Who sat with me whilst I cried for hours? You. Ari you have given me the best gift I could ever get, our kids. I know I have been an absolute dick to you in the past and I really am sorry, you're the blessing in every ones lives. Please open the door"
I let out a sob.

I still couldn't do it.

"Bells, you need help"
"Oh you think I don't know that?!..I'm sorry."

Noise came from the other side of the door. Footsteps.

"Wh-what's going on?" I called out.

"Bee? Please come out, I love you"
I took a deep breath in and I just cried and cried.
"Yeah..it's me. Open up p-please" the only person I have wanted to see in weeks is finally here. Tiana. Her voice was completely broken.
I put my arm in the air and flicked the lock and loved away from the door so Justin, Pattie and Tiana could finally come in.

I was immediately pushed to the floor by Tee's body. She was in tears. We all were.

"I-I love you!" She said as she hugged me tight.
Justin and Pattie joined in on the hug, we were all on the floor crying. Wow..people really do care about me.

"I'm sorry"
"Shhh shh don't be silly! We love you" Pattie said, stroking my head.

"Please let us help you. Your boys miss you like crazy, hails and Ken miss you and allllll of your nieces and nephews have been asking where their favorite aunt is. Bee you need to realise that we all love you. We know you're hurting and we want to help you get through this. Everyday me and the girls have been knocking the door, calling you, texting you. There was no way we was giving up. Are you going to let us help you?"

I sat up and looked at them all, my face soaked from the tears.
I nodded my head.
"Thankyou all so much, I love you" I was embraced in a group hug once again.

Things will get better.

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Just an Aribella update.

Thank u x