Limerence

XIII

LEAH SIMONS

There are few feelings more saddening and aggravating than those associated with confusion and frustration. Worse, yet, is when the two combine and form a maelstrom in your brain.

I awoke the morning after dreaming about Blake's vivid but haunting eyes in his mirror. Those eyes screamed desperation and pain. My body and heart wanted to love him, but my brain knew otherwise. Two worlds bickering with one another; unfortunately for me, they would never reach an understanding.

We were one day away from the first day of school, and I was ready for this emotional summer to close. I wanted to get on with my high school career. I sat on the edge of my bed basking in the morning sunlight while remembering vividly Blake's empty expression. The sun filtered through my drapes and illuminated my white bedroom. I kept thinking about what Blake had said, how no one lived their life to the fullest. That just had to be false; many people died content with their lives. I wanted to live my life to the fullest; was that not a possibility anymore? 

I decided I would spend the day with myself. I would not be with Blake because I did not know how he would be feeling after that saddening night. We were in a benevolent but complicated situation. Both of us knew the consequences of romance, yet both of us desired it.

Perhaps that was the fundamental consequence of human nature; we all want what we could never have. Perhaps that was why Blake believed no one lived their life to the fullest, because we were all too busy trying to grasp the things that would never be within our reach. 

I spent the day lounging and preparing my things for tomorrow. Tomorrow would begin my second year of high school. Of course, it was not the most important year, but I still considered it important. I started reading Wuthering Heights, hoping to get the same effect Pride and Prejudice had given me.

BLAKE MAXWELL

I was not looking forward to tomorrow. It's not like I hate school or anything; it's that I do actually hate school, and I think that everything I learn in there is fundamentally useless. I mean, I have never had a math teacher who could explain to me the true reason why we learn imaginary numbers. Nor have I ever had a science teacher who could explain to me the real purpose in memorizing the periodic table. There's a catchy song for doing that, actually. I had to memorize it in seventh grade, and I still remember it in the song form.

What the purpose of education should be is to teach us more useful information. I understand that math is everywhere and is a part of living in a structured environment, but imaginary numbers? I mean, if they're imaginary, then why are they even talked about?

Enough of my education rant. The real reason I did not want to go to school is that I did not want to be locked in an environment with all of the people that I despised. I have been part of the same grade since the preschool years, and I apologize for my rudeness, but these people kind of suck after a while.

I have maybe three friends, on a decent day. And I say on a decent day because my friends fluctuate with my classes. This just shows you that the only real, true friend I have is Leah.

The only good thing that would happen tomorrow is that I would pick up Leah and drive us to school. Gosh, I really hoped I would have a decent schedule this year; last year I had homeroom, first, third, and fourth period with Leah. I made sure that I signed up for the same classes as she did, so I could maximize my chances of having a class with her. 

The only thing that was on my mind was that depressing night with Leah. I could never forget the words she told me. She said exactly what I feared she would say, that we could never be together and love one another. I would never forget the way the tears glided down her face as she said this information. This was the problem with loving someone as badly as I did. You could never forget the words they say, and you would never forget the ways their words made you feel. Your love for that particular person is a sponge of feelings, and that sponge soaks up every single word they utter and every single facial expression they create. Nothing is left behind when the sponge grasps all of the information you wished you could let go. 

I did not leave the comfort of my bed that day, except to go on my daily run. I ran by Leah's house and saw no evidence of Leah. I worried that she was moving on from me. It was so unfair, why could she easily run from me, but I could never run away from her? 

I think I was just ready to graduate and move on with my life. Maybe that way I would finally be able to let go of Leah and San Pueblo High School. It pained me to think that I would still have to drag myself to San Pueblo for another three years. I desperately hoped those three years would go by quickly.

I would later realize that those years did indeed go by quickly, but they passed too quickly and too harshly for me to keep up with them.