My Christmas Miracle

Chapter 33 - Board Games

Cassandra

I remembered that day like it was yesterday.

Soft Christmas Carols reverberated all around our house, their soothing melody's a blessing to my ears.

Mom was putting the finishing touches on our Christmas Eve dinner while Dad, Eva and I were playing board games. At the time I had been 12 and Eva was only 4.

"Shoot," I heard mom mutter under her breath as she repeatedly opened and closed cupboard doors.

"Everything okay?" Dad asked as Eva moved forward 4 spaces.

"I forgot to buy the gravy from the store the other day. Could you run out and get some?"

"Sure honey," Dad replied, standing up. "Be back soon girls." He ruffled Eva's hair and reached for his jacket and keys.

"No, wait!" Eva cried, jumping up. "We need to finish our game!"

"We'll finish it when I get home Angel, I promise." He said with a wink. "Bye, sweetie."

Little did I know we wouldn't be finishing that game anytime soon.

It was 25 minutes and 2 unanswered phone calls later when Mom's confusion finally ended. She had been anxiously pacing around the room and talking to herself while Eva and I watched nervously from the living room table.

The store was only 2 minutes away so what could be taking him so long?

'Brrriinggg.'

The home phone rang.

Mom dashed for it, almost tripping over her own feet in the process and answered with a polite "hello?" and the natural smile she had on her face whenever she was talking to people. I heard a voice say something from the other line and in an instant, her usually bright smile faded into an expression of sheer horror. Her eyebrows lifted and her eyes widened larger than I thought any human could.

As she kept listening, she gripped at the edge of the table so hard her knuckles started turning white and she began swaying as if she was going to faint at any moment.

Eva and I quickly rushed over to help, but she shooed us away, cupping her hands over the phone so we wouldn't be able to hear who was talking. Finally, she swallowed, then quietly mumbled into the speaker end, "Thank you for telling me. We'll be right over. No no, I understand. Yup. See you soon."

She turned to us with a grim expression on her face. "Daddy's in the hospital." She said slowly, her wet eyes flickering between me and Eva. "We need to go see him because he's very hurt."

My heart stopped.

"Is he okay?" I asked, but she had already run over to the closet and tossed up our jackets. Eva started to put hers on, following Mom's orders while I looked back from my mom to my sister, very confused. "Mom!" I said a little louder than I anticipated, throwing my jacket over my shoulders. Mom shot me a look. "What's going on?"

Instead of answering, Mom just threw open the door. "Go, get in the car, we'll talk in a minute." I couldn't help but notice the quiver in her voice. So taking Eva by the hand, we all ran out to the car.

The next few minutes were a blur. I remember looking at the happy families and warm Christmassy houses as we drove by. I remember the pale mint green of the hospital walls and the almost blinding fluorescent hall light when I walked in. I remember a kind nurse telling us that we were too late, and Mom's bloodcurdling shrieks as she sat shuddering on the white tiled floor in the ER. And I remember one of the doctors pulling us aside, to tell us what happened.

And with that, my father was dead.

So we spent our Christmas Eve at one of our family friends house, listening to Mariah Carey's voice sing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" from the neighbour's Christmas party. I remember it not being loud enough to drown out Moms sobs and Eva's questions and my own horrible thoughts.

♡♡♡

A sea of black dresses and suits flooded into the wake, and then again at the funeral. I hid behind Mom's elaborate gown, and Mom hid by making it very clear that she wouldn't respond to anyone's respects. She sat down the entire time with her hands folded daintily in her lap and her head bowed. Everyone would look at her, then at me, shake their head slightly at the both of us and then they would move on.

My bloodshot eyes welled up now and then, but I refused to let myself cry. Not in front of everyone. Eva was at home crying. Her curiosity and confusion had turned into sickening understanding, which was much worse. She hadn't stopped crying for three days. Honestly, I hadn't either, but I did it quietly, alone in my room.

There was something about knowing that a person wasn't going to be in your life anymore that was absolutely gut-wrenching.

As we drove back home after the funeral ended, questions zipped around my mind like 'Who pulled one of the most important adult figures out of your life at such a young age? Why is it that many among us live happy and long lives, but those who mean the most are torn too early?' And though I thought long and hard about these questions, my mind would always draw a blank and I would never have the right answer.

Dad was supposed to live long. Watch us graduate. Walk me down the aisle someday. Now, by some twisted change of fate, that happily ever after setting was ripped from me, and from anyone else who ever knew him.

As I thought, something that the priest said at the funeral played on a loop in my mind.

"When a person touches our hearts, they become apart of us. So when they die, a part of us die's with them"

I felt dead inside. No, I'm not being an edgy teen, it was a real feeling. I felt hollow, empty, deprived of happiness.

So when we finally got home, I cried, not the first and definitely not the last time, for Dad.

♡♡♡

"Cassandra...?" Mom's soothing voice drew me out of my vivid thoughts.

"You're crying. Are you ok?"

My hands flew up to my cheeks. They were wet.

I was going to respond with "I'm fine" like I always did but something in me made me stop.

I knew I wasn't fine. I was never fine. I had just pushed my feelings so far down inside me that I almost couldn't feel them anymore. But now everything was coming back to me and it felt like I was being hit by a bus.

So this time, instead of lying I would tell the truth.

I tried to smile when I said "you know, I just really miss Dad" but as soon as the words escaped me, I started sobbing uncontrollably.

Eva was the first to put her little arms around my waist and then Mom for a group hug.

"Me too," Mom whispered into my hair as she kissed the top of my head.

"Me too."