A Year Around the Sun

t h i r t y - nothing is awkward for me

"You can tell me whatever you want about Brody, but it doesn't mean I'm going to listen to you. So you can either waste your breath and keep trying to pay me visits every now and then, or go on with your life like we never even met."

With that, I spun on my heel and walked back to my booth, a gloating smile on my face as I ate the last of my pretzel.

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Out of my entire friend group, I'm probably the least likely to bring up the topic of intimacy. Sadie has no problem talking about it, and neither does Caleb, but that's probably because they're dating. Jodie's always been pretty open about her hook ups and whatnot – aside from Aiden – and even Noah isn't ashamed of it. I'm the one that's the least comfortable with it. Then again, I'm not the most experienced either.

Usually they all talk while I listen. But maybe talking about it will get me used to it. Especially since I had been incessantly going over the same thing in my mind for days, torturing myself by keeping it in.

A little over a week later and I still couldn't stop thinking about what Sky said to me at the pier. I didn't mention it to Brody, not over text or the few times that we hung out. I promised him that we wouldn't talk about Sky again, and I want to keep that promise. It's just very, very hard to do that.

Sadie was over my house as we were wasting away a rainy Saturday by watching movies in my room. The rest of our friend group was busy, and since I no longer had work at the pier, I was free from noon on, as was Sadie. With it being just the two of us, I saw it as the perfect time to have a talk. One regarding my sex life, or lack of.

"Pass me my drink?" She asked me, so I reached over and grabbed her soda off my nightstand, handing it to her. "Thanks."

"Mhm," I hummed. I dove my hand into the bowl of popcorn sitting between us and shoved it all into my mouth, anxious about the subject I was about to bring up. But it was now or never, and if I put it off any longer, I think I'd go insane. I made sure I swallowed my mouthful of popcorn before I spoke up. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," she chirped. The uneasiness I felt doubled when she turned her attention away from the movie and over to me.

My cheeks were already burning at the thought of this question. I sucked it up and spat it out anyway. "How did you know it was the right time when you and Caleb, you know... first had sex?" I attempted to mask my discomfort with curiosity, but I think Sadie saw right through it.

Her eyes fell from mine, her lips pulling upward into a bashful smile. "I-I don't know. It just kind of happened one day. It felt right," she said, then she eyed me suspiciously. "Why?"

"Just curious," I assured her quickly. Her dark, narrowed eyes said that she didn't believe me, but she decided to let it go.

"Oh. Well, yeah. It's not like I planned it out or anything," she laughed, shaking her head as she further explained. "It happened so naturally with us. I think it helped that I liked Caleb for a long time, and then once we started dating, we didn't drag it out. We tried to take things slow, but we both felt okay about it, so it happened. But, you know, everybody's different. Some people need to love the other person to have sex with them. Other people just do it... just 'cause they want to."

"Right." I nodded in agreement. "Then again, you guys have an oddly perfect relationship. You're that couple that was made for each other, like you're definitely going to get married."

Sadie's cheeks tinged with pink, but the adoration on her face was bright and contagious. "I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. I'll take the compliment, though," she grinned now, the both of us giggling afterwards.

We turned back to the movie, sitting in silence and finishing off the rest of our popcorn. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to ask my best friend with her long-term boyfriend for advice on how and when to sleep with my boyfriend. Especially when my relationship is still fresh and learning how to walk, while Sadie's is almost fully grown. Still, I appreciated her input.

It didn't take long for Sadie to turn back towards me and prove she saw through my dumb questions. I guess I really can't hide what I'm thinking sometimes.

"You know, if you think you're ready to have sex with Brody, then go for it," she said, her voice sounding so casual, whereas I wouldn't even be able to get the words out if the roles were switched. "You really think I bought that you were 'just curious' about my sex life? Lena, you're the last person to ever bring that topic up to anyone. Even if I am your best friend."

"I know," I rolled my eyes with a breathy chuckle.

"There's nothing wrong with thinking about it. He's your boyfriend; it's normal," she smiled, setting a hand down on my knee. "You gotta be comfortable with talking about it before you actually do it. So, I'm here to answer any questions you have – I have no boundaries when it comes to talks like these. I might be shy for the most part, but after having a boyfriend for three years, nothing is awkward for me."

"Good point," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

"What do you wanna know?" She coaxed, eyes gleaming with eagerness as she sat cross-legged now, fully facing me. "I gotta prepare you and break you out of your shell, girl. I want your first time to be good 'cause I told you what to do."

"Oh my God," I sputtered out with a loud laugh. Not used to Sadie aiming these kinds of comments at me, my face flushed and I just giggled out of embarrassment.

Eventually, I got over it and stopped being so immature. The conversation between Sadie and I quickly evolved into one where I actually felt normal talking about sex. It could have been because I was talking to one of my best friends which made it all the more relaxing, or maybe I finally did break out of my shell. Whatever the reason was, Sadie helped me out a ton, and I have her to thank for the girl talk we had that took up nearly that entire Saturday.

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A/N - ayeeee so our girl lena is thinking of doing you-know-what with mr. brody 👀 heh. it's been a lot about our lovebirds so there had to be some girl time to even it out. gotta have girl time. GOTTA. also, is this the last time we see sky??? that chick just keeps popping up out of nowhere smh. also also, i hate to say this but..... 7 chapters left fam. SEVEN. RIP.

i cleaned the daylights out of my room this week which is a soul cleansing experience i loVE IT LOL. i got rid of so much it's great. now i have room for more shit. anywho, i'm still deciding on what to do regarding job hunting and life lol. i went to good ole emo night last night with my friends and it was so much fun UGH. screaming and headbanging to mcr, adtr, atl, and so on never gets old. also i'm going to see my friends band A R I Z O N A next week in new york so that's pretty kewl. random but i'm kinda sad about summer ending already bc it went way too fast if you ask me.

OTHER THAN THAT, thanks for reading! hope you're doing well, and i love ya lots.

ps i cannot believe A Righteous Love hit 11k reads?!?!? WTF!!!! IM CRYING THANK U SO MUCH TO ANYONE WHO READ IT/KEEPS READING IT I LOVE YOU.

dedicated to: artwitter :)

song: malibu by miley cyrus (i can't physically put into words how much i love her & this song)

photo: sky

xoxo, sabbbycat