I'm Fine

Chapter 4: Reflection

//*WARNING*: This chapter contains themes of panic disorder, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders.//

"I want to start today's meditation off a little differently today," Namjoon began. He rummaged around in the top drawer of his desk and produced a bag of miniature chocolates.

He placed a chocolate on the desk for himself and then walked around the room distributing a sweet to each person. Hoseok and Jungkook were particularly excited, extending both hands greedily to accept the small treat. Seokjin and Yoongi looked indifferently at the sweet. Taehyung looked at it nonplussed. Jimin hesitated for a moment before accepting the chocolate. He promptly placed it on the side table and would intermittently give it sideways glances.

"Can we eat it?" Jungkook asked, eyeing the morsel hungrily.

"We're going to use it as part of an exercise."

Jungkook pouted. "Will we get to eat it?"

"Yes," Namjoon chuckled, settling into his chair. "Ok, so try to keep quite during the exercise and focus all of your attention on the chocolate. Approach this exercise with an open mind and a gentle curiosity. First, I would like you to pick up your wrapped chocolate, but don't unwrap it yet. Place it in the palm of your hand and notice the colors and shapes on the package. Feel the weight of it in your hand. Pretend like you have never seen a wrapped chocolate before and examine it closely."

Namjoon watched as everyone held the chocolate in an open palm. Yoongi scrunched his face in confusion at Namjoon, skeptical of the exercise. Ignoring Yoongi, Namjoon continued.

"Touch the packaging with your fingers and feel the texture. Pay attention to any sound the wrapper makes. Examine the wrapper, noticing all of the colors. Look at the different sides of the chocolate wrapper and notice any place that the light reflects off the package, any shadows. If your mind starts to wander and think about other things, that's okay. Notice the thoughts and bring your attention back to the chocolate."

Namjoon saw Jimin shift in his seat. His brow was scrunched together as he held the chocolate in his palm. He held it the way one would hold a live grenade, carefully and at a distance.

"Now begin to slowly open the wrapper. Listen for the sounds of the wrapper tearing. Notice the movement of your hand, fingers, and arm muscles as you open the chocolate. You may hear other people or other noises in the room. Notice the sounds and bring your attention back to the chocolate."

The tinkling and crinkling sound of tinfoil ripping could be heard in the dead silence of the room as everyone unwrapped their chocolates. Hoseok and Jungkook were the first to unwrap theirs, doing a poor job of hiding their impatience with the exercise by ripping the wrapping apart. Seokjin, Yoongi, and Taehyung meticulously unfolded the tinfoil, watching as the treat beneath was slowly exposed. Jimin was the last to unfold his. He stared at it with careful determination first, like he was about to pull the pin on his grenade, before unwrapping the sweet in his hand.

"Raise the chocolate to your nose and smell the chocolate. Slowly breathe in several times and focus on the different smells. Does smelling the chocolate trigger anything else in your body? Is your mouth watering? Are you having any thoughts? If so, notice them and bring your attention back to smelling the chocolate."

Jungkook smelled his chocolate deeply and let out a soft, audible hum. He was completely lost in the moment. Jimin slowly brought the chocolate towards his nose. The heat radiating off his hands had melted the chocolate slightly within the wrapper, intensifying the aroma. As the scent hit his nose, his stomach rumbled and an anxious energy spread through his body.

"Now place the chocolate in your mouth, but do not chew it or swallow it. Notice the feeling and taste of the chocolate in your mouth. How does it feel as it melts? Notice the taste and sensations of the chocolate on your tongue. Move the chocolate around in your mouth. Chew the chocolate slowly. Try to notice the moment where you feel like you want to swallow."