I'm Fine

Chapter 5: Stigma

//*WARNING*: This chapter contains themes of suicide. //

'The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please try dialing-'

Seokjin's fingers trembled so violently that he lost his grip on his cell phone. It bounced, unharmed, onto the carpet. He knew this day would come, but he thought he had more time.

"You dropped this..." Hoseok extended Seokjin's phone towards him.

Seokjin put on a fake smile and forced out a face laugh. "How clumsy of me..."

Hoseok noticed the strained sound in Seokjin's voice and the slight shake in his fingers when he accepted the phone. He sat down in the lobby chair next to Seokjin. IOP didn't start for another fifteen minutes and the room was currently occupied.

Hoseok pursed his lips and pushed air out through his teeth, making a squeaking noise, before saying, "You're always calling someone, but you're never talking to anyone... Who are you trying to get a hold of?"

Seokjin looked at the dark screen of his phone. He could see his reflection mirrored on the surface. His mom always said he looked so much like his dad, but he never saw what she was seeing. Now, any time he looked at his reflection, his dad was the only thing he could see.

"Seokjin? Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" Seokjin turned his head. Hoseok was staring at him. "What?"

"I asked who you were trying to call. You're always calling someone, but I never see you talking with anyone," Hoseok repeated, concern creeping into his expression.

"Oh uh... just trying to get a hold of family," he said evasively.

"Are you close with them?"

Seokjin closed his eyes and took a breath. He knew Hoseok was just trying to make small talk, but he didn't understand why it had to be about this subject in particular.

"It's complicated," Seokjin replied after some thought.

"Are you alright?" Hoseok asked suddenly.

"What? Why do you ask?" Seokjin felt his smile falter a little bit.

Hoseok shrugged and looked at his hands. "You don't talk much in group about how you're feeling. You're always deflecting. I only recently opened up because someone started prodding. I was wondering if you just needed someone to ask you directly-"

Seokjin's ears began to turn a bright red. "I'm fine," he snapped.

"Really?" Hoseok said, his face was strained with concern. "Then why are you here?"

Seokjin stood up and rounded on Hoseok, towering over him as he sat.

"I said, I'm fine."

The door to the IOP meeting room opened and a group of teenagers flooded out into the lobby, ending the conversation.

Seokjin stared at Hoseok, a mixture of hurt and confusion on his face. One of Hoseok's eyebrows was raised in confusion, but otherwise, was not moved by Seokjin's sudden outburst.

The teenagers filtered out of the lobby. Seokjin was still standing over Hoseok. They stared at each other for a few more moments before Seokjin's massive shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered before turning to walk away.

He felt Hoseok grab his wrist.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed."

Seokjin didn't turn around. He didn't want Hoseok to see the tears in his eyes.

"I just... I want you to know that you're not alone..." Hoseok said before letting go.