The Space Between Us

Chapter 2

My mother told me once, that life is a lesson. A hard one for that matter. She told me never expect much from it, because once you expect, it will probably disappoint you.

She also told me that life is like a mean girl at high school. She smiles in your face, but she plots behind you back. And then suddenly, she throws it all in your face.

Life will also give you happy moments, moments to make up for its giddiness, but those moments will be always overshadowed by the bad memories
.
My mother was a woman of words. She was also very wise. She told me everything about how life works. She teached me a lot of things.
Well, except for one thing.
How to get over her death.
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It's very fascinating actually.
I woke up to the sunlight blinding me.
The rain stopped sometime in the early morning, the sun replacing the clouds in the sky.

On sunny days, i stay inside. Weird, right?
I like the thunder, love the lightning, enjoy walking in the rain.

It's like a space for my mind to wander in. My mind is a huge void space, there are words at every corner, waiting for me to bring a broom and swipe them out.
Rainy days makes me go deep inside my mind, wrap my fingers around my thoughts and scribble them down.
Most of the time i have them, but i can't translate them onto papers.

So, the talent doesn't lie in making good plot twists, or making good metaphors or even rhyming in case of poetry. The real talent lies in the ability to fathom your words into stories, poems..etc.

My notebook is sitting on my nightstand staring at me. I pick it up and open my favourite piece, the one i let her read last night.

Oh my heart why in pieces are you tumbling down?
why do you always shed tears and frown?
is it because she could not stay?
is it because she left you that day?
When you recall the joy her love used to bring..
Do you miss when she restored you when those wounds used to sting?
You've found shelter in her shade,
You thought her laughter would never fade!
Oh my heart, till when will you reside in tears?
there must be something to soothe your fears,

I wrote that the night my mother died. Even though i know she was struggling, and that death was her friend that night. The night death beckoned for her to come in its arms. 

But i know my mom was a strong woman, i knew that she wasn't afraid as she departed.

She once quoted a book saying "it's the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more"
And believe me when i say, that night when i held me mother's hand for the last time, she wasn't afraid. Cause she is the most courageous woman i've ever seen.
I pick up a pencil from the nightstand, and begin to write.

You think her departure turned your memories into rubble
Now your thoughts turned into a forlorn never-ending tunnel
you think death ripped you forever apart

Today is one of those days.
I get up and open the closet, at the corner is a box. I pick it up and carry it back to the bed.

I open the lid, and my eyes catch a photo of my mother and i, on new year's eve. We were standing beneath the tree in our old house. We were smiling widely, me and her.

It's always been me and her, she never remarried, never even dated after my father left.

I pick up another, a photo of me and her on my 17th birthday. She baked me me favorite cake. We spent all the day eating cake and watching movies.

I pick up another and another.

My head is swimming in memories. My emotions are all over the place.

Anger.

Sadness.

My eyes brim with tears. I put all the photos back inside the box. I throw it at the wall. It hit it with a muffled thud.

My eyes are pouring tears down, not caring about the anger i held inside me.

Anger at the world.

Anger at the illness.

Anger at the doctors for not being able to help her.

My sweet, gentle mother.

I turn my face into the pillow and scream.

I sob. I cry. Until there's no energy left to do anything than just lie there.

*********
I miss you.