The Saint & The Sinner.

Chapter 53: One More Light. Part II.

There are days I'm afraid to wake up. I'm scared this was all a hopeful dream and when I open my eyes I'll be back in my bedroom with my mom and Quinn downstairs, pregnant and trying to get away from Jesse. I'll have my old life back. I don't want my old life back, I like the life I have now. Then again, who wouldn't like the life I have now? Who wouldn't like having the freedom to go anywhere in the world with some of the greatest people, experiencing some of the greatest things? But people need to understand that it's not where you are that matters, it's who you're with. I'm perfectly happy being at home doing chores with my dad and Steph. I don't care where I am or what I get to do, just as long as I get to come home to these people. As long as I get to call a place home, and it actually means something.

You see, growing up home was just a place that had little to no meaning to me. I was uprooted so many times that home wasn't a safe space to me, it was just another place I'd have to stay in. But the last eight weeks I've had a home, a very special home. It's a very safe space I can go to get away from life. As a kid I had no safe space to call my own.

I guess that's why I felt the need to write to Jesse. I know that I'm safe where I am right now; I have my dad and Steph, and Sid. I need to write to Jesse, so he knows the truth. As badly as he treated me, he deserves the truth. It's been about four weeks since I last saw him.

I waited outside the venue for the guys to come out after their show. I leaned against the tour bus with my phone out; I had been texting Steph the usual daily update. She and I gossiped a bit about celebrities and whatnot. It was very nice having a female role model in my life.

The night was hot and humid; it made me even more tired than I already was. It's been a long day and we still have to drive all the way to Virginia for tomorrow night's show. Yes, I enjoy being on the road and seeing new places and people but it's a night after night gig. I'm glad we only have a few more days left before going home, and by home, I mean Iowa. A month has gone by since I left Miami, and now I'm back in Florida. I was about an hour away from Miami, an hour and a half from the small town I grew up in. Yesterday we were in Tampa and it was hot as hell. I should be used to Florida's heat though, but I still found it unbearably uncomfortable. Over the last twenty days Sid and I have gotten closer but further a part because every time we have some alone time Corey comes and sits smack dab in the middle of us and joins our conversation. The way he acts you'd think Sid and I were keeping something from him. I've followed his rules to the T. I haven't kept anything from him; I've been very honest with him about everything. But Corey still treats me like I'm a criminal, he acts like I'm going around behind his back and keeping secrets. Sure, I haven't had an in depth conversation about some topics he said we needed to talk about; we actually haven't talked about it at all. I know that it's coming though. That much is obvious to me. I'm not sure how I'm going to tell him though. There are so many things in my past that I'd like to keep in my past, but Corey wants to bring them up so he can try and help me. I wonder if he realizes that I don't need help, I've helped myself. And I'll continue to help myself. I don't need him to hold my hand all the time.

"Tali!" In that moment I became freezing cold, the hot blood pumping through my veins turned icy. I froze in my place with wide eyes. I stared at the blank brick wall in front of me, my brain tried to race through all the possibilities of whom that voice could belong to but one person kept ringing the alarm bells. Slowly, I turned my head into the direction my name sang from. My heart leaped into my throat and my stomach imploded.

"Jesse?" I whimpered unsure of myself. He nodded as he hurried up to me with his hands buried in the saggy pockets of his wannabe gangster denim board shorts. His cold blue eyes were fiery and full of rage. I suddenly felt small and weak again. I was faced with the feelings from back when I was in a relationship with him. In a month I've somehow forgotten what he made me feel.