Time & Tide - Original Wattpad Version

Chapter-Thirty-Four: In Which Jessie Lives Happily Ever After

I decided he deserved the truth "He blackmailed me, Thomas. I didn't want him to hurt you."

He looked up at me, fair eyebrows raised in shock. "You did it to protect me?"

"Among others." I nodded.

He looked down at his callused hands again. "And yet, you still have not said you love me. You have not even looked me in the eye when we are... alone." Thomas hesitated, then leaned in to kiss my cheek gently. "I don't suppose you fancy having a baker for your second husband, then?" He asked as he straightened, aiming for a gentle humor that he didn't quite hit the mark on.

"I don't intend on having a second husband," I told him, but as kindly as I could manage.

He quirked a sad smile. "I always had the feeling you were more attracted to my stability than me. I had hoped that you would have grown to love me."

"I'm sure I would have," I agreed gently, taking one of his hands in mine.  "But now the point is moot."

"What is your secret, Jessica? I cannot fathom you." He studied my face. "It is vexing to no end that no matter what I do for you, or say to you, you are always somewhere that I cannot access. I cannot reach you. There is just so much to you," he whispered, voice crackling and clearly frustrated with himself. "So much that I do not understand. You have a secret and I cannot comprehend it. You will not share and I know that , because you do not, I do not have all of you. I will never have all of you."

"Hey now," I said, attempting lightness and mostly failing, betrayed by a matching crackle in my own voice, "I already told you. I used to be a pirate."

He looked up and grinned, but it was watery and wobbly and sad. "And think of it this way - now you have the chance to meet someone who will really love you, for you."

"Suppose so," he said glumly.

I looked down at my hands, wound the fingers together with his while I searched for my words. "I'm a selfish, selfish person, Thomas," I said. "I'm not nice, I think. You deserve someone nice."

"So do you."

"I have someone," I assured him. "And I'll visit when I'm next in Bath, I promise. Have some tea and scones at the new little cafe in that courtyard next to your father's bakery you were dreaming about."

Thomas huffed a laugh. "And how do you suppose I'll afford that?"

I pulled a roll of banknotes out of my reticule and pressed them into his palm.

He gawped at the sheer number of them. "Jessica, you can't buy my cooperation in this. I understand--"

"I know," I said. "This isn't me buying you off. This is a thank you for your friendship when I needed a friend most." I added a second roll to the first. "And this is to thank your brother and his family for their hospitality."

Thomas bit his lip, but nodded and closed his fingers around the money. I returned the kiss on his cheek, made my thanks to to in-laws, cuddled the baby a bit, and sent the Coopers back out into the world. It was funny - now that I was here, I knew that Margaret Goodenough had named the nasty Cooper in The Welshman's Daughters after him, and that his name would for the rest of literary history stand in the company of the Wickhams and Willoughbys, Lintons and Malfoys, Senator Palpatines, and Viktoria's, and Prince Einons. It seemed a bit crap, but then, who except Margaret and I would know where the name came from?

After they'd left, Margaret and I began the grim slog of sorting through the piles of letters and calling cards that had arrived that morning, accepting the flowers sent our way, and reviewing the household accounts. All of the servants save Mr. Daniels, Susan, and one of the kitchen maids chose to leave, and I didn't blame them. I handed out cash bonuses from the hoarded bill rolls I found in Mr. Lewis' desk after I jimmied open the lock with the letter opener.