My Journal. (Jalbert)

1

Monday: 11:38 pm

I don't understand how this is supposed to help with my so called depression. I'm not allowed pills but I'm allowed a journal? Bullshit I tell you. I swear, all these dumb clinics are too lazy to help literal depressed people. It's like, "oh give them pills so they feel better." Like wow thanks Dr. Phil real helpful.

Anyway I'm supposed to write in this each day or more if I want. I don't even know what I'd write though. My day? Feelings? Thoughts? All of the above? I'm more or less just buying up time so I can get out of this place. If they do read this - which they aren't supposed to - I hope your wife leaves you.

I'm kidding. I can get angry sorry. Anyway, I'll go on about my day I guess.

It was a normal sunny day. I was on my way to school when my friend Russo popped up right beside me. He's been my buddy since as long as I can remember. As we walked to school we met with Lana, Meg and Ally - our other group members. They're cool. Not like most basic bitches.

We walked into our first class where we met our final member of the group. Albert. He came last year to this school and like all losers, we ended up becoming quite good friends. Only one problem however, I'm in love with him.

I know high school love is stupid but it feels so good. I don't think he sees me as anymore than just a good friend. Makes sense though, why would he see me as anymore?

I kinda wish I told my friends about this stuff. My depression I mean. I was diagnosed about a year ago and just now are they doing shit about it. It would feel just easier knowing it's out there though. Like just a huge sigh of relief.

I feel like they wouldn't understand though. It's not that I'm sad I just have a chemical imbalance in my brain. Of course I get sad like every other teenage kid but it's different.

On with my day.

Class started and of course first thing we have is a pop quiz. I knew I was gonna fail and look at that! I did end up failing! Amazing how that works. It felt like I was gonna breakdown while doing that test. Like, what the fuck is a molecular compound?! Anyway, that class ended and the rest of the day was okay I guess. We made jokes and had fun.

It's weird how I have trouble answering such a simple question sometimes. "How are you?" Like, how do i respond to that? I'm not okay but do I say I am? I can't say how i truly feel. I don't like people worrying about me. I hate the attention. Went a little off topic there.

So the day is fine till 6th period.

Gym class.

The most hated class in the history of hated classes. I hate gym with a burning passion. If i could end gym, I would. It's not even the pointless exercise we have to do. It's those stupid change rooms that I have to go into every single day. It's so stupid. And if you don't change, you'll fail the class. Bullshit I tell you.

I'm not like other guys. I'm not confident in any way shape or form. I hate my body. It's just weird. I hate taking off my shirt and revealing what's under. Just a pathetic body if you ask me. No pecks, no muscles, nothing. Just pure flesh and bones. I can see my top rib and it sickens me. Same with changing into gym short. I have to remove my pants. I don't wear those tidy-widy things but still! Like people can see me! It's disgusting!

I don't know how Russo and Albert do it. They're just as big of losers as I am but they can still do this shit like it's so annoying. I get to see Albert shirtless though so I mean, not that bad right?

Creep.

Anyway I came home and saw my therapist. She's nice I guess but I don't tell her much.

That was my day basically. Anyway I'm done writing in this shit.