Gamer Girl

Problems

I open my eyes as I feel the car come to a stop. I see Mari look back at me from the front passenger seat.

"Did you sleep well?"

I can tell she's being genuine, but I can also hear the teasing in her voice. I give a small smile and stick my tongue out.

She lightly chuckles and looks forward once more. We all unbuckle and get out of the car.

Damien and Mari start heading to the entrance of the hospital, but I can't seem to move. I lean back against the car as I think.

It's my fault he's in there. I should've helped. I should've been the one to open the door. I should be the one in the hospital. Not him.

"That's not true." I look up and see Mari and Damien standing in front of me, looks of worry and concern evident in their eyes.

"What?" I didn't realize I was talking out loud.

"We heard you. Wesley shouldn't be in the hospital, but it doesn't mean that you should be. No one should be here. And no matter how much you convince yourself otherwise, none of this is your fault. None of it."

I feel tears return to my face again. "I just can't stand feeling so helpless when I know I could've done something. I could've-"

"You could've what?" Damien sharply interjects, his voice cutting my sentence smoother than butter. "If you had brought up the fact that you thought he was self-harming, he would've gotten defensive and your friendship would be on the line. If you had opened the door instead of Wes, you would be in the hospital instead of him, but what good would that do anyone? Sure, Flitz and Sohinki don't like you right now, but I don't think they'd want you in the hospital. And you know Wes would be in the same mental state as you, if not worse because he has the training to stop this." He stops and takes a deep breath, calming himself down.

Tears cascade my face as I realize what he's saying is true. They plummet down my face as I realize what my self-loathing is doing to them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. I'll try and stop. I'll try."

"That's all we ask," Mari quietly speaks to me.

I nod and wipe my tears. I stand up and Mari immediately wraps her arms around me; Damien walks over and wraps his arms around both of us.

After that heartfelt moment, we release each other from the hug and look back at the hospital. I look down at Mari as she takes both Damien and I's hands in her small ones. I smile, and we walk up to the entrance of one of the places I dread the most.

We walk in and are instantly met with the strong smell of antibiotics. The three of us walk up to the front desk and receive the attention of the nurse.

She smiles kindly up at us. "Hi, how can I help you?"

"Hi, we're here to see Wesley Johnson. Can we see him?"

The nurse looks down at her computer and her eyes flicker back and forth across the screen. "Are you Joshua Ovenshire?"

I look at both Mari and Damien in confusion. I turn back to the nurse.

"Yes, that is me."

"You may go see Mr. Johnson. I assume these are your friends?"

"Yeah. That's them."

"I'm sure this sounds confusing, but Officer Corn told me to privatize Mr. Johnson's room and only let three people back there. I'll let him know you-"

"Joven!" I wince and suck in a breath as Flitz's sharp voice cuts off the nurse's sentence.

Mari grabs my hand as I turn around to face the group.

Lasercorn and Boze are standing behind Flitz and Sohinki a bit away. I can see Lily fast asleep in Lasercorn's arms and I flash a small smile.

"Yes?" My voice cracks a bit at the end.

"What are you doing here?"

Before I can answer, Damien steps up. "We're here to see our friend. Is there a problem with that?

"Yes, there is. Well, at least for Joven." Flitz goes to take a step forward but stops in his tracks when he sees something behind me.

Everyone turns to look and I smile when I see Officer Corn standing there.

"Is there a problem here?"

"Actually, yes, there is. This man,' Flitz points at me and I look down, "should not be here."

He looks at me, causing me to look back up at him. "Really. And who are you?"

"I'm the one who called you here." Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Flitz and Sohinki looking at each other.

"Ahh, Joven, yes. I assume these are the friends you mentioned?" He gestures to Damien and Mari, who nodded in response.

"Wait, we're his friends, too," Flitz steps up.

I look down and shrink in on myself. I should've known that Flitz would do something like this. I cover my mouth as I feel tears start to form in my eyes.

"Well, from what I've heard, you're a threat to Joven's sanity," Officer Corn retaliates.

I look up at him with shock and confusion. What does he mean? Certainly, he doesn't know what happened only half an hour ago. I didn't tell him over the phone.

"What do you mean, "threat to Joven's sanity"?" Flitz beats me to the question.

"I heard that you guys blamed Joven for something far beyond his control. I've also heard that he grew up with bullying, so his confidence, self-esteem, and state of mind have been fragile since he was a child. And so for you to blame him of causing Mr. Johnson's depression and self-harm is a step you should not have taken."

We're all clearly taken aback at his vast knowledge of my childhood and his words. All of those are things that I rarely let people know. I mean, I still deal with bullying to this day. Everything he said was true.

"How do you know this?" I quietly ask. I look at Mari as she rests her hand on my shoulder.

"Because I told him." She can see that I'm very clearly confused, so she continues. "When you were asleep in the car, I called Officer Corn and told him about this. How much you were going through. I told him that there would be people there that would argue with you about getting to see Wes and that only the three of us should be allowed to see him and discuss the situation."

I wrap my arms around her as tears tumble down my face in a waterfall. As I try and take deep breaths to calm down, I realize I can't breathe.

I think Mari can feel the sporadic movement of my chest because she lets me go.

"Joven? Are you ok? Breathe with me." She takes deep breaths in and out and I follow, but I'm already too far gone. My vision starts getting blurry. I close and pass out as I feel myself fall to the ground.