Perfect Lie - Yoonmin

14. Hiding from Reality

[Jimin's POV]

The soft pressure of blankets weighs down on me, keeping me enclosed in this nest of warmth and comfort.

I stretch myself, finally having woken from which seems like a sleep that has lasted a week, and check my phone to see the time: 9:18 AM

My eyes eyes grow large and I immediately jump out of bed to pull on some clean clothes so I can maybe still make it to the second class of Uni, since I definitely won't be able to still make it to the first one anymore.

Only when I try to pull one leg of my jeans over the jeans I was apparently already wearing, I discover that I'm fully clothed.

'What... how?' I softly murmur to myself. 

Then I remember what happened before I drifted off to sleep: I was watching Yoongi playing Mario Kart. Yoongi, who was taking care of me because I was sick. Yoongi... Again, the night after I was with him, I find myself in a bed without knowing how I ended up there.

Like a dejavu, I instantly become red again. Has he... carried me to bed? But before I can give it anymore thought, my Mom enters my room.

'Ah you're awake! I already thought I heard some noise coming from here. How was your sleep? Are you feeling better now?' And without waiting for an answer, she walks towards me and puts her hand on my forehead.

'Hmm, still not totally normal. One day at home should be enough, just to make sure your fully recovered. Should I bring you breakfast in bed, or do you want to eat in the kitchen with me? I don't have to be at work 'till 10 so we can finally breakfast together for the first time in a long time!'

Her smile is huge, but I can't answer it with a genuine smile myself. As soon as the words 'eat' and 'together' leave her lips, I'm lost. Usually Mom's already gone off to work before I wake, which means that I can skip breakfast.

'I'm feeling quite dizzy actually, would you mind bringing me some toast in bed?' I place my hand on my forehead and grab the back of the chair with my other, as if to steady myself.

Immediately the smile drops from Mom's face and is replaced with a worried expression. I close my eyes, to act the part some more, and because I can't stand looking at my Mom in pain any longer. I feel her hands surround me as she half walks, half carries me towards my bed.

'Of course dear, I'll bring you some toast and a nice warm cup of tea'. She tucks me in, kisses my forehead and leaves my room to go to the kitchen.

Guilt. So much guilt. Why do people have to keep worrying about me? First Yoongi, now Mom... all I do is hurt people. Mom just wants to have breakfast with her son, and I ruin it. Why can't I be normal?! But I can't say yes to her offer. I can't. Words can't express the amount of dread that comes with only the thought of saying yes.

A few moments later Mom enters the room again, carrying a plate of buttered toast and a steaming cup of tea. She places the cup on my nightstand and hands me the plate, which I reluctantly take.

'Thanks Mom', I say, trying to look grateful but still sick at the same time.

She softly brushes a couple of hairs out of my face and takes place next to me on the bed.

'You know', she starts, 'next time that you're not feeling well, you can just tell me. I'd much rather hear it from you then from someone else. You can always be honest with me, I would've cancelled my meeting and stayed home to take care of you'. I can hear the slight hurt expression in her tone, and I want to do everything to make that disappear.

'It's just because I didn't want you to miss your important meeting Mom, otherwise I would've told you, but I know how much they mean to you! Next time I'll tell you immediately, so that you don't have to hear it from...'

'Wait...' Suddenly it struck me.

'Who told you I wasn't feeling well?'

Mom's all-too-worried expression slightly lifts, as the corners of her mouth find their way up a bit. 'That lovely boy, Yoongi was his name right? walked into me on his way out. He told me that you were feeling poorly and that you asked him to keep you company. At least you were sensible enough to call someone, even though you can just tell me next time. Such a sweet boy, that Yoongi'. She brushes my head once again.

'Aha, right'. Are the only words that seem to be able to leave my lips. To be honest, I don't blame Yoongi for telling her, he must've thought I looked pretty badly. It only goes to show that, again, someone cares way to much about me. He could've just let me suffer by myself, but the fact that he told my Mom, lets me know that he does care. And I can do nothing in return...

'Shall I wait 'till you finished your breakfast and have fallen asleep again?' Mom offers.

Ah hello stress, you there again? That was not what I had planned.

'No Mom it's fine, you should get ready yourself if you want to be at work on time. I don't want to burden you any further'.

She quickly checks her watch. 'You're never a burden Chimmy, but I suppose you're right. Finish your breakfast and take a quick nap again. Remember: sleep is the best medicine!'

A final time, she kisses my cheek and leaves the room.

I can't stop the relieved sigh from leaving my body now that she's finally gone. Quickly I take the piece of toast, crumble some crumbs on the plate and smear a bit of butter on it. Then I jump up from the bed, go to my desk, open the lowest drawer and hide the piece of toast in there underneath a couple of notebooks.

Now it rests with the other pieces of food which Mom has brought me in my room and I have pretended to have eaten in these last couple of weeks. I should find a right moment to throw everything out in a public bin sometime, without Mom noticing, otherwise this is unavoidably going to smell.

If I had thrown it away in the bin, Mom would definitely have found it and asked questions. Now, no one has to know that I haven't eaten.

I lay down in bed again and take the cup of safe tea; without calories, without fear. Maybe it can silence my rumbling stomach.

If only sleep could be the medicine for stilling the everlasting hunger. I would sleep and never wake again.