Seeking Perfection

f o u r

I finish working out, and sigh exhausted. My energy has been disappearing as the days go by. I used to be able of working out for hours a day, but now I can barely do two hundred sit ups a day.

I stand up and weigh myself, disappointed to see the results. I've only lost 5 more pounds. Why am I such a failure?

I open the faucet, and let the cold water slowly fill the bathtub, watching as the bubbles come to life. I was so tired, and a warm bath seemed like a great idea, but the thought of burning more calories seems more important.

After I finish putting my clothes on, I lay in bed, trying to understand better the procedures for tomorrow's test when Lila came to my room.

"Is dinner time miss Heather." She says smiling.

"I'm not hungry." I reply frowning.

"Your father is waiting for you at the table." She adds seriously.

I sigh frustrated and stand up. The last thing I wanted right now was food, or to see my father for that matter but I had no other option. I make my way down the stairs, arms crossed.

I take a sit on the table and stare at the plate with disgust. The steak and broccoli were staring at me, and the mashed potatoes seem unpleasant, at least for me.

"I told you I don't eat meat anymore." I tell my dad pushing the plate away from me. "I'm vegetarian now." I lie trying to get out of eating the food.

"And last month you were pescatarian." He adds rolling his eyes. "Just eat the food and be grateful for it."

I sigh, annoyed, and move the plate closer to me again. I really didn't want to eat it, the hunger was there, but my need to be skinny was dulling my necessities.

"So," My dad says, talking once again, and I turn my view towards him. "Did you break up with that boyfriend of yours?"

I frown surprised, he hadn't mentioned him for the last week, why mention him now?

"What's the big deal of me having a boyfriend?" I ask exasperated.

"So, you haven't." He replies seriously, putting his fork and knife down.

"Camille has a boyfriend, why aren't you ruining her life too?" I say a little bit louder, crossing my arms once again.

"Ruining your life?" He yells standing up. "I've given you everything you have ask for! Every single thing, and the one thing I've asked you, you aren't even able to do!"

"And I have done everything you have asked me! I get all As, I play the stupid piano and take extra classes to "improve my knowledge"! I go to your dinners and gatherings and play fucking golf on the weekends! When I could be doing normal stuff like every other teenager at seventeen."

"Don't use that language under my house! Where did you even learned that, did your boyfriend teach you that too?" He says standing up. "A lady doesn't curse or uses language like that, when have you seen me, or your sister talk like that, huh?"

"Do you expect me to be just like her?" I ask standing too. "We aren't the same person, I can do whatever I want with my life, including having a boyfriend." I shout.

What's the big deal? Is just a stupid boy, I'm not doing anything wrong. Is not like I'm not getting good grades or distracting myself.

"If I were you, I would stop talking right now." He replies coming my way.

"Why? Cause that's what you want?" I ask frowning. "I'm tired of doing everything you want and the way you want it. I want to have a life other than here and school. Why can Camille have a boyfriend and I can't? Because she's in college? Pretty soon I will be in college too!"

"Stop it!" He shouts exasperated. "Shut up already and do as I say, why are you acting this way? Getting detention and disrespecting me! I can assure you, you won't be seeing your car until the end of the year." He finishes.

"If mom was here she wouldn't be treating me this way." I whisper angry.

"What did you just say?" He asks in shock.

I knew I was already in trouble, so I might as well just tell him. "I said, if mom was here she wouldn't treat me this way." I repeat louder.

He stares at me surprise, anger written all over his face. He comes closer to the pulling his sleeves up. He grabs my face between his hand, pressing my cheeks between his fingers tightly. "Don't you ever mention your mother ever again." He whispers making the pressure on my face harder. "Or try to use her against me again for that matter."

"You're hurting me." I whisper, a tear escaping my eyes.

"She would be so disappointed if she saw you right now." He murmurs letting go of my face and harshly pushing me away.

I stumble on my feet and hit the left side of my body against the glass table, feeling the pain quickly on my body. I stand up straight, gaining my composure once again, and dry my tears.

He stares at me still angry and raises his hand. I close my eyes and wait for the impact to reach my face, but it doesn't. I open my eyes and his hand is down, both his arms crossed.

I turned around and see one of the maids in the room, refilling his cup of wine, not looking at us. He goes to his chair and so do I, staring at my food once again with disgust.

"Can I be excuse?" I say, trying really hard not to cry.

"Yes." He sighs, passing his hand between his hair. "Just get out of my face and do what I asked you to."

I run up the stairs, my hand against my ribs. I enter my room and move the shirt up, to see the bruise that was starting to appear. Great.

"If mom was here, she would be proud." I whisper staring at the ceiling, pretending that my cheeks and left side of my body weren't hurting, or that my stomach wasn't growling of hunger.