Seeking Perfection

t w e n t y - f o u r

It was currently ten pm and no one was on sight. It was the first time in two weeks that I was all alone in the house. Ever since Lila moved in, I lost the privilege of privacy. Not only was she my personal chef now, making me meals at all times and making me eat them. But she was my personal hawk as well, living here. She has her own room and everything. I used to love her, and I saw her as a mother, but now; I kind of hate her guts.

I've been doing a scavenger hunt throughout the house, on the look for my scale and I was failing miserably. I was starting to fear she just threw it away, but I still had hoped. It had to be here somewhere, she doesn't have the right or power to be throwing away things that don't belong to her.

It was probably in her room, but it's always locked or she was inside. But tonight she wasn't here, she had to take care of her grandchild, since her daughter was in the hospital. I felt kind of bad when I heard the news, but when I realized what that meant I turned my frown upside-down.

I get to her door and to my surprise it wasn't locked tonight. I genuinely felt bad invading her privacy, and the poor lady must have forgotten to lock the door due to so much stressed. But I had my priorities as well, and those included seeing how much I weighed.

I look around the room, it wasn't that big compared to the ones upstairs, but it was okay. It smelled like her, a mix of lavender and mint. Which made feel guilty once more. I shake my head and continue on my mission, tonight was the only night I could do this.

After a while of searching and trying my best to leave everything like I found it, I had the great idea to search her bathroom. How didn't I think of that first? I look under her sink and in fact it was there, next to her personal toiletries. I put it on the floor, and undress myself completely. I usually weight my self in the morning, with an empty stomach, so I knew I probably would have a few extra pounds of food in my system.

110 pounds stares at me when I looked down. I felt my heart shattered and step down. I wait a few seconds and step on it again, just to see the same number again. This couldn't be. I gained nine pounds? I put my clothes back on and shoved the scale in the cabinet again. Trying to make sense of what my eyes just witness. This had to be a mistake, it was probably broken. I couldn't possibly weight nine more pounds.

I get to my room and look for the cigarette pack I had hidden in my sock drawer, feeling the tears coming down on my face. I knew eating was a mistake, but how could I avoid it with everyone watching me like a hawk all the time. Lila, dad, Cami, even Allison was getting on my nerves. Was my exercises not enough to avoid this from happening?

I open my balcony doors, and let the breeze of the night fill my room. It was a chilly night and the full moon was the only thing illuminating my room . I grab a cup from my nightstand and roll my desk chair to the entrance, not wanting to seat outside in case my father arrived, but not wanting to smoke inside my room either.

I light the cigarette and inhale, feeling the smoke fill my lungs. A few seconds after I start feeling a little light headed and smile. The feeling I was starting to get used to and worse, enjoy. I promised Jason I wouldn't smoke, and personally I didn't want to do it either, but it gave me some sort of comfort.

After I finished just one cigarette, I go to the bathroom and throw the ashes and the end down the toilet, rising the cup on the sink afterwards, and leaving it there. Afterwards I light up a candle in the room and go to brush my teeth and wash my face, ready to go to bed. As I dry my face with the small towel placed on the counter top I hear the gates opening and sigh.

I slowly walk to the balcony and look down, seeing how dad got out of the car and walked to the passenger seat to open the door for Allison. He had a smile on his face, and as soon as she got out he gave her a peck. She was holding a bag of what I assumed was leftovers or worse, food for me. Her ginger hair was radiant as per usual, and she as well had smile plastered on her face. My stomach ache from seeing them, and I felt tears streaming slowly down my face again.

"I had a wonderful night Will." She says happily, as they walked to the entrance, dad's arm around her shoulders.

"So did I my love." He replies, and I let out a small cry from my lips.

"I love you." She says and I slowly start to close the doors, not wanting to see them anymore.

"So do I." He says back.

I go to bed, and pull the covers up to my shoulder, lying sideways to the right and staring at the small flame that came from the candle. The smell of roses and lilies filling my room. I tried to stop myself from crying, but I couldn't. I genuinely couldn't remember the last time my father ever told me he love me.