Personal Chef

Chapter 101

He rested his elbows on his knees and ran his fingers through his hair. I knew he was trying to organize his thoughts.

"It hurts me so much that you have so little faith in me or in our marriage that you thought it was better to lie to me than to talk to me about this problem."

"You knew things were off, though. Maybe you didn't know the extent of it, but you had to know I wasn't the same," I said.

"Of course I fucking knew! You used to want me all the time. After Cady, it was clear that having sex was a chore to you. I knew that. I thought that you liked it when we did it, though. I told myself you were tired and that was why it didn't happen often, but I didn't know you were laying under me pretending to be into it when you were feeling nothing!"

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I dropped to the floor, kneeling in front of him.

"I love you. You know that. If you'd told me what the problem was, I would have waited. Our sex life was incredible, but I didn't marry you because of sex. You apparently see me as some kind of shallow asshole who would put his sexual needs ahead of the happiness of his wife. It fucking kills me that you think so little of me!"

I started to sob. He was wrong, but I didn't know how to convince him of that.

"That's n-not it at all," I said.

"No? You can't deny that there's a trust issue here. You lied to me rather than try to talk about it. It doesn't matter if it was to make me happy or because you wanted to avoid a difficult subject. It was still a lie."

He wasn't yelling, but I almost wished he was. The disappointed tone of his voice hurt more than any shouting would.

"I made a mistake," I admitted.

"That's putting it lightly."

"Tell me how to fix this," I begged.

He scoffed and shook his head. "I don't know. I just keep thinking of Kat and how she lied and manipulated me. Are you any better than her? I hate that I'm so stupid that I keep letting women do this to me. I see what I want to see instead of questioning things."

My entire body turned to ice at the comparison between me and Kat. What was so chilling was that he wasn't wrong. I'd intentionally deceived him just like she had.

In the distance I could hear the vibration of a phone. I was frozen in place, though, as I tried to let it sink in that I'd become the person I loathed.

Shawn got up and walked into the living area. He came back a second later.

"It was yours. Your mom was calling, but it stopped ringing when I picked it up," he said, handing my iPhone to me.

I didn't want to call my mom back during this discussion, but I knew it could be about Cady.

I was about to return her call when the voicemail alert popped up. I clicked on it.

"Chelsea, I'm sorry to bother you and Shawn, but Cady is running a fever. We put her down for a nap and when she woke up, she was burning up. I think she needs to go to the clinic right away."

"Let's go," Shawn said, offering me a hand so that I could stand up.

We hurried to get our coats and boots on and were out the door in under three minutes. I called my mom from the car and told her we were on our way.

When we got to my parents' place, my dad was holding Cady. She was sobbing, and she reached out to Shawn as he approached her.

"Jesus, she's so hot," he said as he pressed his cheek against hers.