What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 50

Lilly's POV

    When I was finally released from the hospital, I refused to leave because Cross still hadn't woke up. They assured me he was still just healing, but I wasn't buying into that shit. Finally Sutter's mom convinced me to go home, and said she would bring me back first thing everyday if that's what I wanted. And it was.

    But wouldn't you know, the night I finally left, Cross opened his eyes for the first time in nearly 3 weeks? Cross's father actually called Hal and let us all know about it the next morning. Seems like maybe this travesty seemed to mend something in their relationship. I had immediate relief when I was told Cross woke up. I was ready to go right back to the hospital. I told Sutter's dad to let me talk to Cross's dad, to let him know I was on my way back.

"He doesn't want to see you, Lilly." He interrupts me, his voice sounding sad. "He said he wants a couple days of rest, and maybe when he is released from the hospital and able to go home, you can visit then. I'm sorry, Lilly." Then he hangs up the phone.

My face must've portrayed the shock that was on my face, because Sutter was leaning down next to me not even a second later. "What happened, what did he say?"

"He uh..he said he doesn't want to see me. He's gonna wait until he gets home and then I can come over." I try to keep the grief out of my voice, but it cracks at least three times in that short sentence, so I know I didn't hide it very well.

Sutter shrugs. "Okay, well that's not bad. We can go over there when he gets home then."

I sigh and shake my head. "Sutter, he probably doesn't want me to come over because of you."

"Why?"

"Have you forgot that the two of you just beat the shit out of each other not even three weeks ago?"

"Of course I haven't forgot, but I was thinking with everything that happened that kinda seemed irrelevant now."

"As long as I'm with you and not him, that'll never be irrelevant." I can't look at him as I say this.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He demands.

"You deserve to know the truth. And as long as I'm being truthful, then you should know that Cross and I were a lot more serious then either one of us ever expected it to be." Still can't look at him. I don't think I could handle the look that I know has to be marring his face.

"So what are you saying Lilly?"

"I'm saying that Denny was never really a distraction for you. He was a distraction for Cross."

I hear Sutter's deep inhale of air. I wait for the rage, for the accusations and the shaming I know I deserve. But it doesn't come.

     I glance over at him and just see his curly head bent down, seeming to be staring at nothing.

     "So then are you with the wrong person Lilly? Because as much as I would hate to lose you..it would be quite fair if it wasn't me you were in love with anymore. Not after what I did to you. I just want you to be happy, I just want you to be you again."

     My heart starts to race at the thought that he could actually believe that. "Sutter, no. That's not why I'm telling you this. I just want to be honest with you, about everything. I wasn't even honest with myself. But I do know that I love you, more than anything or anyone else. There is no other choice for me as long as there's you. But Cross..it wasn't supposed to turn into anything serious, he isn't supposed to matter the way he does to me."

     Sutter analyzes my face before responding to me. "You love him too."

    I don't bother trying to deny it. "I love you more."

    Sutter let's out a deep breath and shakes his head. "Lil, I'm not mad at you. But I just want to make sure you're making the right decision. I think you need to go and tie up all your loose ends and then come back to me if I'm who you pick."

     "What are you saying?" I ask him.

     "I'm saying for the past three years you've been avoiding any kind of emotion that you could, and now you're not, so things may be different to you now. You need to go and talk to Cross and to Denny. You need to make sure that you want to be with me over anyone else."

     "And what about you?" I'm terrified to hear him say he's going to leave me, not wait around on me. He's right though, I do have a lot of things I need to finish that I started. But none of those things are ever going to take place over him. Doesn't he know that yet?

     Sutter shrugs his shoulders. "I'll be here waiting on you and your answer. I just have to have you in my life, no matter who you pick or where you end up, I can't exist without you."

     Flashes of Sutter and me as seven year olds running through sprinklers with popsicles in our hands appear in my head. Then us at the Valentines dance, standing at least a foot apart from each other, but smiling ear to ear because we were finally together. Fourteen, me running and cheering down the sideline while Sutter took a chance as the quarterback and was running the football in for a touchdown. Fifteen, just gave my last push and hearing Annie cry for the first time, and seeing the outright adoration on Sutter's face as he looked at her, with tears in his eyes.

    No, there was no one else in the world for me, not when the guy in front of me has taken up my whole life and made it into something I never could have had without him. He is it for me, always will be, and after this, that's exactly what I'll show him.

A/N I'm sorry it's so short but I wanted to give you guys something since it had been so long! We finally got moved in to our new house and then I ended up in the ER with a double kidney infection. SERIOUSLY I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO CATCH A BREAK YALL. But thank you for being so patient with me! Next chapters should be up this week or next. I think there will only be like 2 or 3 more left and we will be at the end! Thanks so much loves.  

    B 💕