What Was Lost // (Harry Styles FanFic)

Chapter 33

Sutter's POV

    Girls' man, they are something else.

    They know they have this power and hold over men, something that we will never possess. There's just something about a look that a woman can give you, and it can have you going crazy with worry, want, sadness, or curiosity all day.

    They can somehow use the magic of words and have us guys apologizing for things that we didn't even do. I'm not sure how it works, but it's definitely something to see. Especially when it's aimed at me from Lilly.

    She can look at me, and sometimes I can so easily read what she's trying to tell me with her eyes, whether it be positive or negative. When I first moved back to town, the first couple of times I saw her, her eyes were guarded, closed off. She held no trust for me in them. Now when she looks at me, it's lustful, happiness, or longing.

    It's been two weeks since Lil and I had sex for the first time again in nearly three years, and I felt like I was fifteen all over again. When you're young and start doing it, it's almost like an addiction and all you can think about, and you try to do it as much as possible. And I guess because we had an extended pause in our sexual activity, we picked back up where we left off.

    Any opportunity we found, we were having sex. Whether it was in one of rooms when the rest of the house was sleeping, my truck in the driveway, the tree house (which was definitely harder to do now that we were bigger), and sometimes the bathrooms at school again if Lilly practiced late. It was becoming a problem, because it was like both of us were insatiable.

    I'd like to add though, we were talking a lot more too, being open about things without the other having to practically force it out. Lilly admitted to me that she was starting to get worried she had a drinking problem, because for a while she felt like she couldn't go a day without having some time of alcohol in her system. I was happy though that she didn't feel like she had a drug problem as well.

     She was relieved when I told her I didn't think she had a drinking problem, because most people didn't so freely admit they were concerned they were an alcoholic. And there's nothing wrong with liking the taste of it, you just have to know your limits.

     When I asked her if she felt like she couldn't go days without it, her answer proved my point even more.

     "I haven't even really thought about drinking these last few days, actually." And I can see a sense of relief on her face as she says this.

     "See? Then I don't think it's as bad as you believe. I feel like drinking for you was more of a habit, than an addiction."

     She didn't look like she understood what I was trying to say. "What do you mean?"

      "I just mean that for so long, you were dependent on drugs or alcohol to help you with your pain and problems. They became your crutch. But even before I came back, you realized that drugs were definitely not going to help you, but only make you worse. And I think now you're starting to see that with alcohol too."

     She sighs and rolls over to lay on her back and stare up at my ceiling. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But I just wish I could drink, and not always have to get drunk. Most of the time when I start drinking, I don't stop until my brain is practically mush."

      "That's just something we will have to work on, Lil. But like I said, that became a habit for you. You didn't drink at the party we went to before school started, you didn't get hammered the night we played our drinking game, and you haven't been thinking about it lately. You're not an addict, and we can work on you only drinking in moderation."