Baby boy ✔️

27:

Please read the an at the end. It's kinda Important.

Sitting by myself seemed like the only reasonable thing right now.

There is just something about the after math of crying that makes you feel heavy as if death had decided to come conquer you but in the last minute changed its mind and allowed you to carry on suffering with life but grateful that you have been given a second chance.

"I've been looking everywhere for you." I hear that familiar voice that even in the worst times allows comforts to overcome me.

"Hey." I mumble attempting to pull on a smile as Jakob takes a seat next to me. The only problem is I've never been the best at hiding my emotions, I hate me and my over expressive face. Why do I feel the need to express myself so much through body language, it's annoying!

I don't even know how he found me, I made an effort of finding a place secluded yet where I wouldn't feel alone which was under a tree on the other side of the oval to where the hustle of all the boys playing football in their lunch break was. 

Yet I can't help but feel flattered not only by the fact that he was quote 'looking everywhere for me' but also that he knew me well enough to know where I was. Or maybe it was some crazy coincidence, I don't care the point is he's here with me now and we have some time alone together.

It's not the best alone time considering we're at school and there are rules we must follow and things we can't do but having him with me feels better than being alone and drowning in my own sorrow not to mention that I don't want to spend time with anyone else.  

"What's wrong?" Concern laces his features causing my heart to melt like ice-cream on a hot day. It's simple things like knowing when I'm not  okay and actually caring that I admire most about Jakob.

"Nothing, people are just annoying me today." I shrug which  is partly true amongst other things.

There was no way I was going to tell him about how the dare was bringing me down or even worse that I'd discovered that I have deep feelings for him and I'm scared that they are only growing.

It's not that I'm scared of falling in love, I'm not scared of anything, it's more so the fact of the Unknown. If this goes any deeper what will happen? I can't just continue dating Jakob because that would be unfair on him, even if my feelings are real. It all started out as a stupid lie, a lie I wish I had never gotten myself caught up in. Only I could get myself into a mess like this.

"Don't people annoy you everyday."

I can't help but stifle a chuckle at just how well he knows me.

"Yes but today I'm less tolerable for it." I mumble in agreement before placing my head on his shoulder and close my eyes hoping to relax a little.

Now that I think about it I can't help but realise how wrong I was about Jakob. For so long I've focused my attention on not liking him - for no real reason what so ever - and pushing him away that I had forgotten why I had been best friends with him in the first place when we were kids.

Jakob has changed a lot since we were kids, he is less annoying now, but at the same time he feels like the exact same person that I forget we've moved on ten years having barley spoken to each other. A harsh voice in the back of my head reminding me that it is all my fault.

"Can I ask you something, and you have to be honest."

I push my head off of his shoulder and turn to face him so I can get a good look at his face. I want to be able to see his expression when he replies, body language says more than words ever could. I can't help it, I just have to be able to see him when I speak to him, especially if it is as something as important to me as this.

"And what will I get out if it." He says with a cheesy smile causing me to roll my eyes.

I know he's trying to be cute and is asking for a kiss but right now is not the time, yet it still manages to warm my insides. Stupid Jakob with his stupid cheesy smile.

"You have one free pass to ask me any question you want no matter how deep or how long." I reason.

It only seems fair, a question for a question and I can't be bothered leaning forward and kissing him right now. Even if I was bothered I don't think I could master the task without breaking down into another fit of tears again.

"Okay deal, so what's your question?" He agrees before studying me patiently waiting for me to speak up.

I can't help but shy away and focus my attention on the grass, their is no way I could look him in the eye while asking this question.

"If you only hung out with me these past few years because you felt sorry for me than why are you with me now?"

This question had been running through my mind for the last few hours and I can't figure out why but I know I needed to ask it.

Part of me hoped that this was all some twisted plot of revenge for pushing him away ten years ago but I highly doubted that was the case. Jakob had to be one of the most laid back and friendly people I've ever met, he wouldn't hold a grudge or be vindictive like that. Heck if someone hurts Jakob he doesn't want to show them that they did out of fear that guilt might eat them away if they see how badly the hurt him, he's that nice its sickening.

Together we are like salt and sugar, completely opposite yet in small ways alike.

He lets out a long, heavy sigh yet I still can't bring myself to look up at him.

"Naz we were both mad that night and said some things we didn't mean. Do you actually think I really meant that? I knew it would hurt you which is why I said it and now looking back it was a shit thing to say, I'm sorry. Is that why you're so down today?" He questioned causing me to shake my head still keeping my eyes on the grass as I draw random patterns trying to distract myself from the conversation we're having.

I said things I didn't mean too, I'm the one that should be saying sorry but I can't bring myself to speak up. Instead I shake my head no letting him know that he wasn't the one making me sad, if anything he was the only good thing that came out of today.

"Can I use my question now?" He wonders as if he wasn't sure that now was the right time for it.

"Go for it." I admit I could have shown a little more interest but I couldn't musk up the effort right now. Maybe right now wasn't the best time for Jakob to ask his question. If it was going to be deep I wanted to give him a proper response.

"Why did you really push me away all those years ago."

My heart rate quickens at his words and when my attention snaps in his direction I can see just how upset he really is about this. I don't blame him what I did was kind of horrible but I can't bring myself to answer his question right now.

As if on queue the bell rings signalling for class and I can't help but thank my luck. Talk about being saved by the bell.

"I will answer your question, I promise, but right now I can't." I can tell Jakob is disappointed but the way he looks down averting his attention away from me trying to hide his hurt but he nods his head in understanding. He pushes up from the ground and holds out his hand before helping me up.