Notes To Myself (a Joshler story)

To Joshua.

Hi friends! Here's another update. Don't forget to read the past two updates, which are the interests letter and the previous chapter about Josh and Tyler!

Also, could you please let me know what you think of this part? I would appreciate that so so so much! Love you all.

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Dear Joshua,

I know that was probably weird, how I handed you the letter and walked away. Sorry for that, but since you were there at 11 AM, and you got my letter, it means that you know that you lose your memory every night, and that this letter is important. Sorry, let me introduce myself first.

I'm Tyler Joseph, and I'm the only person that you forgot about.

You remember every important person in your life, except for me. It's not that I feel like I'm that important, but before all of this happened, you were the one always telling me that I was so important to you.

In at least one, but probably several of the letters you read before coming down to the coffee house, you read about an 'important person in your life' and you read that it was important to get this letter. I never told you that it was important, but you told me that it is. So I'm not gonna argue with that and I'm gonna try to trust your words: I'm important to you, and so is this letter.

You still don't know much about me, or us, for that matter. I just don't want to scare you away, or make you feel uneasy, or make you feel bad or sad and I definitely don't want you to dislike me. I'm just trying to be careful. It's hard to write this letter again and again every night, but you're so worth it, bunny. You're worth all of this.

A few years ago, when we met, you asked me if I wanted to grab some coffee some day. We did, at the coffee house I gave you the letter. We had the best afternoon; we had so much fun, common music style, and we liked some of the same things. I told you about the creative stuff I do and you were so impressed. You asked if I wanted to go to the apartment of you and your best friend, to talk more, maybe watch a movie, and we did. He wasn't home, so we could use the TV all we want, and we played Mario Kart too.

We started meeting up every other day. You came to my place, I came to yours. You showed me your love for your interests and I showed you my love for mine. You were always so impressed and intrigued by my interests and they became your interests. I encouraged you to be creative, even though you told me there wasn't a future for you in a creative field.

But quickly you started to fall in love with being creative, and while you did, you fell in love with me too.

Hanging out every other day turned into hanging out every day, and night, days after days we stayed the night at each other's places.

You asked me to be your boyfriend, and I said yes.

Then we moved out of our old places and moved in together, into the apartment you're currently at. Your apartment was both of ours; we shared it, and there's so many incredible, wonderful memories in that apartment.

We were inseparable, and we did everything together. I loved you, my family loved you, you loved me, your family loved me. We were living on cloud nine together. We felt like we were on top of the world. Nothing could ruin us. We were meant to be and we were perfect.

You asked me to be your boyfriend. I asked you to marry me.

You said yes.

That was the happiest day of my life. The day that you told me 'yes, I want to marry you'. The day I knew that I would be spending the rest of my entire life with the man I loved the most: you.

You're my dream, Joshua. Always were and always will be.

The accident happened. You got in a coma. You forgot about me and our past, our history, our memories.

The engagement was called off, and I moved out. First your parents offered to have you move out, but I couldn't stay at that apartment. It had way too many incredible memories of us that hurt me so, so much.

You lost your memory, I lost my fiancé.

That was the worst day of my life: the day you did not remember me. That sounds rude, I'm sorry. Of course the worst day was when you got into the accident and you got in a coma. As long as you woke up, it'd be okay. I didn't realize there was a chance you would've forgotten about me, let alone forget about me every night again.

It... hurts. A lot. But I can not and will not give up on you. Every evening you ask me not to give up on you and even though you do not remember, I still don't want to break that promise.

So I'm not gonna give up, and I will keep doing this. I will keep writing you a letter every night, give one to you every morning. I will visit whenever you want me to and I will tell you about us, and I will answer your questions, even though I've answered them a hundred times before already. I will answer every single one of them. Just text me, or call me. You can find my number in your phone, under 'Tyler'.

Check the envelope. You'll find a Polaroid in it, of us together. On this one, we got the key to our apartment. I'm kissing your cheek and I'm hugging you tightly, while you're holding the key as you hug me tightly with one arm.

If you go to the letter room, check the bottom left drawer. There's no tag on that one. You'll find more pics of us there, so you know that we were real, and I'm not lying to you.

I love you, Joshua.

I don't want to make you uncomfortable by writing this, and I'm sorry. But I have to tell you. I need to let you know that I love you. I always will. You have my heart forever, my Joshie.

I love you to the moon and back,

Tyler