What if all you trusted was to crumble about you?
When a new pony arrives at Valley Riding School, volunteer Abby has no idea of the integral role that he has to play in the unfolding of her life. She goes from riding once per week to preparing for...
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I toss and turn in my bed, unable to sleep. Today- no yesterday, I think as the zeros line up on the clock- seemed to last for years.
It was a day of trust and deceit, then truth and confidence. At least, I hope it is a truth, for although I have spent the best years of my life with Kerys, I know that there will be no more.
Matt said that it would be okay and that we'll get Autumn back, but I wonder how many times he has told himself that. Whether he believes because of fact, or because of a story he has narrated to himself.
I turn onto my back again and gaze upwards. The ceiling is blank and empty, and I wish that it opened up onto a canopy of stars, peeking out of the fabric of the night. It doesn't though, and even if it did all I would see is inky swirls of blackness. Matt walked me home under that sky, and I felt as though we were the only ones in the universe.
One o'clock.
The digital clock ticks ever closer to school and I know that I have to sleep. The bus timetable won't shift with my ability to rest. I picture Autumn in my mind's eye, then surrender to the night, letting my worries condense into sticky dreams.
~~~
Hana and I don't say much when we meet at the bus stop, or when the bus finally pulls up in the rain to let us on. The Christmas decorations (despite it being November) that are hung up in shop windows seem mildly ironic.
Mocking.
We take seats on the left of the bus so that we can look out onto the fields as we pass, rather than the cars that rudely flow on the right. To any of the other schoolchildren on the bus, Hana and I just look tired and subdued on a Monday morning, but we know better.
A single glance tells me everything I need to know.
Hana is angry. She doesn't look at me, but rather at her phone, on which she texts furiously. Furtively, she stows the device in her blazer pocket when she catches me looking, and asks, "So?"
"So what?"
"Are you going to stop going to that other stables or not?" Hana's eyes glisten as she chokes out the words, and her voice quivers. "Kerys obviously doesn't approve of them."
The word is like a punch to the gut. "I don't want to talk about her."
"Red, then."
Silence. I can't talk about Red. Red is the colour of war and spilt blood.
"Suit yourself." Hana takes her phone back out of her pocket. It is only a moment before she cannot bear the silence any longer and asks: "What's the deal with Kerys and that Matt guy?"
I hesitate, images of a flashing blade and red blood seeping through my mind. "I don't think that's my secret to tell."
"I literally tell you everything and you can't even tell me why I'm not allowed to go back to the stables?"
