What if all you trusted was to crumble about you?
When a new pony arrives at Valley Riding School, volunteer Abby has no idea of the integral role that he has to play in the unfolding of her life. She goes from riding once per week to preparing for...
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"All was still.
"After checking the tack room and the horses it became evident that the screeching tyres had been a coincidence, and that there had been no thieves after all. However, a different incident had occurred. Without a clue to tell us how, Seven pranced with a triumphant air within the field occupied by Kerys' pony, Sonnet Coch (whom we called Red). It was unclear how long they had been in together, but sure enough, in eleven months time there was one colt amongst the others who was slightly different.
"He was smaller for a start, with a thick coat and a mischievous glint in his eye. He was adorned by a wide blaze and four white socks, and his pony heritage was completely and undeniably present. His legs were the only part of him similar to the others, long and slender- he looked as though he stumbled about on stilts.
"Matt, of course, fell in love as soon as he was permitted to see the colt, holding my hand and reaching up to touch his velveteen nose. He said that the pony looked like autumn, so that was what I named him- Autumn for his sire and Prelude for his dam- Prelude to Autumn. Kerys agreed, and although she took no interest in his day-to-day care, she was adamant that Matt's name be put on the passport.
"I was more than happy to comply; I was fond of Matt, and Autumn had no real use to me anyhow. However, as Autumn grew, Matt's ownership of the colt became a hindrance. As the boy was too young to be in charge of his own horse, Kerys took on his veterinary care as Matt's mother, and it took much persuasion for her to have Autumn gelded. She wouldn't have it done whilst the vet came for the other colts, so I ended up paying for the operation myself. Kerys claimed that it would only be to my benefit to have him gelded; whether or not it would be safer for her son seemed superfluous to her.
"It was I who taught Matt to ride, when Autumn had been broken, and I who drove them to their first shows and pony club rallies. Kerys wanted nothing to do with it, and often nothing to do with Matt either. Raj and I treated him as our own son when Kerys left him at the yard overnight, or when she scolded him for half-crimes committed by every other child. She was increasingly harsh towards the horses as well (although never cruel as far as I could tell) and I would have asked her to leave had I not been worried for Matt's well being.
"As it was, I let her be, increasing levels of paperwork causing me to spend more and more time in the office, and less and less doing what I loved- training horses. I allowed myself the pleasure of training Spring, but the others were all under Kerys' eye.
"And that was my mistake. The one that I still regret all these years later."
Sara stops there, struggling to continue, as the sun sets over the horizon and bathes the fields in shades of gold. She agrees to continue the story tomorrow, after school if I can make it, and I nod, wishing she could continue far into the night.
The story distracts me from my worries, but as its effects begin to fade with the sun the darkness comes rushing back, and my throat wells. When will I see Autumn again? Will Kerys even allow me to come back to Valley next Saturday, knowing that I have been spending my time with her estranged son and former employers? The rage on her face when she took Autumn from me was paralysing, and I am still reeling from its effects. How could I have known?
I say my goodbyes quickly and leave by myself, crumpling against Spring's door as soon as I am able. My choice is deliberate, I want to feel connected to Autumn in some way. Any way. The mare- Autumn's half sister- shares his neat, tidy hooves and inquisitive nature, offering me her caramel face to stroke. I feel as though she gifts me a ghost of the pony I wish were here now, and I allow myself to cry briefly into her mane when it all becomes too much, too real.
He's gone, and I might never see him again.
A hand lies on my shoulder, arriving silent and unannounced. I turn and put my arms around the person attached to it, relishing the contact- human and kind. Matt stiffens as I embrace him, but hugs me back. We spend a few moments stood like that, outside Spring's stable, before he whispers, "I'm worried too."
I step back, look him in the eyes and say in the same tone, "She rapped him, you know. I didn't know what it was at first but I looked it up and-"
Matt swears, his eyes disturbingly like Kerys' as he responds, "We'll get him back. I still have his passport."
He paces a few quick steps away then back again, away then back again. The blood coloured sky throws scarlet shadows upon his pale cheeks, and a crimson light surrounds him like a furious halo. "I should have bloody known!" he cries, face tipped to the heavens. "I should have bloody known."
The second statement is slow, an extra space between each word is filled with lost memories and a fractured past. Things I have never seen, or would ever hope to see. "How could you have?
I watch him with a wary eye, fury written all over his features in the way that he moves and shouts and curses. He calms at my question, shrinking into a timid boy once more and leaning against the stable wall, back pressed to the cold stone, facing away from me.
"It's my fault."
"He's fine, Matt- he's fine now." I find myself comforting him, pushing aside my worries and exploring his. Knowing that they are the same, but different somehow- more complete. Consuming.
"How do you know?" for a moment I see him as the little boy Sara described, vulnerable and young. His voice is broken, cracked- the voice of someone who is losing or has lost all hope.
"She only did it once, Autumn wasn't seriously hurt- it was cruel, but it isn't everything. It isn't permanent."
Matt avoids my eyes, turning so that he looks at the trees that sway above the far stable block, black silhouettes against the retreating sun.
"She did it lots. All of the horses- except her-" he gestures to Spring with a nod of his head, "they were ruined. Sara got letters, lots of them, horses who were scared to jump."
"But that was in the past, not Autumn. She isn't doing anything now." my features furrow in concern as I repeat, "It isn't permanent."
"Isn't it? He asks. He draws in a breath, shaky and indistinct. "Feel this." Matt takes my hand and places it on his stomach, beneath his fleece. What I expect is to find smooth hard skin, taught from years of sport, but instead my fingers land on rough ridges of damage.
The deep scars of pain that will never heal.
**
It's getting dark! I thought that maybe the last chapter was too heavy on the backstory and there was too much going on, so hopefully this snapback to the present was in a better kind of proportion?
Did you enjoy the extra bit of Sara's story, or was it too short/full/plain?
Are you surprised at the ending?
Thank you so much for reading, I am so excited to have nearly finished the book, its gone way past the original ten chapters planned!
