Twain Became One

CHAPTER 8: We all struggle

Ibadan, August 2014.

Pamela.

"Bebe, bebe, baby, I missh you so bad Liz," I pouted and deliberately slurring my words to look cute.

I called to tell her about seeing her ketchup incident patient and how he was surprisingly rich and still as annoying as ever.

"I miss you too darling I'll call you tomorrow okay?" She replied. Her voice was soothing, I don't know if it was because of her profession.

"So you are really not going to give me any gist about that psycho?" I asked again.

"Nope" she replied adamantly.

"Stubborn goat," I returned.

"Inquisitive fowl." I chuckled lowly and the driver shot me a glance through the rearview mirror.

"Are you okay?" I asked now as I remembered the text she sent me yesterday. She was starting to go for counselling since she was cutting. Liz made cuts on her body, saying the physical pain relieves the one deep inside. It scares me every time she's in that dark place. The inner parts of her thigh was filled with random scars.

Liz and I hit off well. When Shayo my sister died, I was angry. I was angry at her for so long it was hard to let go and grieve. Shayo had it easy, the banging body, parents love, boys at her beck and call, yet she had to throw it all away on drugs and those riff-raff's she kept falling in love with.

She was coming home from a party, when her drunk boyfriend drove off the road falling off the bridge. I was in my freshman year of college then. She was a straight A student, she could party hard not study so much and still pass unlike me that I have to put in my very best.

I was called to the morgue to come and identify her body.  Shayo's was so bloated I could barely recognise her. Death by drowning was a horrible way to die, her skin was purplish and blue and her eyes was just empty.

For weeks I did not shed a singe tear, why mourn someone who threw their life away at the every turn? After her death, I went back to Ibadan from college for a while, I couldn't understand why my parents mourned her deeply, the apple of their eyes was gone.

Even though Shayo choose to be irresponsible, I couldn't get her picture of her lying on that gurney out of my head. I drove my self into studying and going the other path until I met Liz.

She looked at me one day after I was being so rude on a queue and said "Drop the act and stop being so strong, your eyes are clouded with hurt, it is making you bulldoze through life." She did it so calmly that I staggered out of that shop and finally felt my heart consumed with grief, nothing could fill her space in my life.

Liz followed me outside and invited me to her car where all I did was cry while she held me. I think she saw the pain I hid deep down, because she hid hers so well also.

She sat as I explained how she looked when i went to the mortuary, how horrible I felt always having to lie to my parents on her behalf, how Shayo will always tease me saying, "lighten up baby the light of your life is here", flipping her hair back like she was Godzilla.

I miss her so bad, even today after meeting that cold hearted, perverted prick, all I wanted was for her to breeze in and say something crazy.

The thing with loss is it gets lighter down the road but the pain never truly leaves. Sometimes even the slightest thing reminds us. On some days it doesn't hurt so bad and at other times, even the most unrelated thing reminds you of your loss. Grief never comes straight at you, it hits you when you least expect it. In your darkest moments, in your happiest moments, reminding you of all the things that could or might have been.