Play Dead (Present Mic x Reader)

Wicked

Hey everyone, hope you all are having a snazzy ass night <3 I am here to deliver some angst because I'm a terrible person. Sorry that this got pretty dark, my depression is bad tonight, so it influences my writing...

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPTS. DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERED.

It's been five days. Five entire days since you've spoken to Hizashi. He's been blowing up your phone with texts, calls and voice mails, but you just couldn't get yourself to answer him. You were still angry, but at yourself. The main reason you couldn't face him, the man you've been dating for almost half a year, was because you were ashamed. Ashamed that you took out your frustrations on him. Ashamed that you blamed him for something that was your fault. Ashamed that you were pushing away the man that was showing you so much affection and genuine care, the man you were falling in love with. Love. It scared the Hell  out of you, the very word made you cringe and bile threaten to shoot up your throat. Never in your life have you experienced or felt love, but you knew this was it with Hizashi. Perhaps feeling so scared to love someone was the main reason you were pulling away from him, hoping he would give up and move on finding some other woman that was much more deserving of his affections.

You were so scared that leaving now was the better option for the both of you. 'I obviously can't handle a relationship...I'm just meant to be alone...'  Hizashi knew of your past, he admitted it and yet he didn't hate you, didn't push you away. Knowing what your father did to you, that you killed  people under his control and Hizashi didn't hate you. The look in his eyes when you screamed at him to get out, his green eyes were no longer bright and full of energy and happiness, they were dull and sad, sorrow and pain etched within them. His brows were furrowed in hurt and he paled more in color. The way he flinched when your voice raised, your quirk causing a mess of your apartment, he looked nervous. 'I scared him...Hurt him....I really am no better than a villain... I'm a monster..'  Your hand was trembling as you grabbed your phone, the battery almost dead as you dialed your voice mail entering your four digit code before your phone was against your ear.

The sting of tears was already threatening the corners of your red and puffy (E/C) eyes doing nothing but sobbing and laying in bed for the past week. You had even called Principal Nezu saying you had gotten the flu that was going around and thankfully he believed you. 'I'm such a coward...'  Your breath hitched in your throat as you listened to the voice mails, all of them from Hizashi, his voice sounding more pained and cracked than the previous message. "Baby....Baby I know I upset you, I'm so...so sorry....Please just, just call me back or text me..." Quickly deleting each one never able to stomach his torture again, you bit your lip as tears started to finally flow down your flushed cheeks. "Y/N....Don't do this....Please sweetheart... I just need to hear your voice....I shouldn't have kept this from you...Fuck, just...just don't do anything stupid!" His voice cracked at the end of the message, your eyes closing as you choked on a sob. "Y/N." There was a pause, it sounded like he was taking a deep breath, it shaking on his lips. "I'm so  fucking scared you're going to do something to yourself if you haven't already. I'm going to show up if I don't hear from you soon. I can't....I can't sit here and do nothing. I know you hate me, but...I need you baby.....So badly.." When he sniffled as if he was beginning to cry, you lost it.

Without even thinking, your phone made contact with the wall, it instantly cracking before clattering to the floor. Loud sobs shook your body as you slid to the floor, a hand sliding up through your messy (H/C) hair as you rested your forehead on your knee. 'I'm terrible...He still wants me after I treated him so badly....He still wants me even after he knows my past....And this is what I do to him..?'  With a wail ripping from your throat you sit there for a solid hour crying your eyes out until there's no more tears left in you. Your eyes are sore, your head pounding painfully and your stomach muscles burn from having them tighten by how hard you were crying. 'I'm pathetic...'  Slowly you lift your head up, blinking your eyes is even painful as you stare at the wall. 'All I do is hurt people...Reject those trying to get close to me... Push everyone away because I'm scared....'  After staring at the wall and letting your inner demons take control of your mind again, you slowly stand up on shaking legs and wobble to your kitchen grabbing onto the counters for support from lack of eating or water in your system. The last time you drank any water was a week ago and your last meal was three days ago. Depression and lack of motivation was swallowing you whole and you didn't think you could crawl your way out of it.