Thinking of Your Skin: The Truth Behind Camren - Book Two

Chapter 58: The Seed of Doubt

"You are beautiful, Camila. What happened this time? If this is about people being hateful on social media again I swear-"

"It's not. I mean, not exactly. It's still social media being toxic as usual, but..."

Camila stared into my eyes for a few seconds before seemingly deciding that whatever she had been about to say was stupid. She sighed and rolled over again, facing away from me in the bed.

"Camila..." I began, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"It's just me being dumb.", she said quietly, "Seriously, nothing happened. I just spend too much time stalking people I wish I looked like."

"You know, you're that person for a lot of people out there."

"I doubt it." she scoffed.

"How would you feel if I were saying this stuff about myself?"

At that, Camila turned over to face me again, my hand falling from her shoulder and into the small space between us.

"I would hate it." she admitted.

"Because you know it's not true." I added.

"So you agree? You think you're really pretty?"

Camila and I both burst out into a small fit of giggles at her 'Mean Girls' reference. I moved a hand up to cup her face, caressing her soft cheek as I did so. I was so in love with this woman.

"Sometimes I agree.", I said as the laughter died down, "But sometimes I go through what you're going through. Everyone does, of course. We've talked about this a million times."

"I know, but-"

"But...", I cut her off, placing my thumb on her lips, "You seem to forget what else we used to talk about all of the time. Back when we were in the group, when we were insecure little teenage girls trying to cope with all of this shit."

"What?" she mumbled, my thumb moving with her lips.

"We talked about treating yourself like your best friend. You talked about it. You taught me that. You inspire so many people out there to love themselves, including me. So, take your own advice, babe. I know it's easier said than done, but...just don't forget about all of that. You already know how to overcome this."

I watched as a small smile grew on Camila's face, the pad of my thumb rising slightly with the corner of her mouth. She placed a quick kiss on the tip of my finger before grabbing my hand and pulling it away from her face.

"You know, sometimes I look at you and I see every version of you at once." she said as she started playing with my fingers.

"What do you mean?" I asked with a smirk.

"I see the Lauren I have now. The one who's sure of herself and who's sitting right in front of me telling me that she loves me. I always see this one.", she said, kissing my knuckle, "But sometimes I see the Lauren I met six years ago and grew up with. The one who would sit with me night after night and talk to me about all of our insecurities and doubts. That Lauren was a lot less sure of herself...but you know what's always stayed the same? You always make me feel so safe and loved. Every single version of you. Even the one that broke my heart. Because that version just reminded me that I had felt a love like that. That I was capable of being so deeply in love. So, yeah...sometimes...sometimes I just see all of you all at once. And I'm so in love with that feeling and so in love with you, Lauren. I really am. I really-"

I cut my girlfriend off with an aggressive kiss, unable to stand the fact that our lips weren't touching for another second. She always had such an incredible way with words; every single version of her. Her mind, her spirit, her uncapped passion for love in all of its forms and the way she expressed it all...I had fallen in love with all of it six years ago and would only to continue to be enchanted by it each and every day.