Thinking of Your Skin: The Truth Behind Camren - Book Two

Chapter 48: Something's Gotta Give

July 24th, 2018

5:00 P.M.

Camila

It felt like it was finally happening; like she was finally slipping away for good. I knew that we both felt it; I just didn't think she would've let it happen after her emotional breakdown over the phone.

It had been almost an entire month since the green eyed girl's birthday, since she had poured her heart and soul out to me and I had simply hung up on her. The thing was, I didn't just hang up. I had texted her immediately after the whole drama-fest, but I never heard back from her.

C: I'm sorry I hung up. I just really don't want to have this conversation like this or maybe not even over the phone...just call me again in the morning/when you're sober and we can talk. I promise.

It was as if my text had been sent out into an endless void. She hadn't even acknowledged it. She hadn't acknowledged anything. Maybe she had been too drunk to remember...but how could that explain her not answering my text? Surely she would've been curious enough to at least answer it.

Or maybe she was so angry at me for not wishing her a happy birthday that she didn't even care. She was done. The truth was, I had grappled with sending her a simple text all day.

I had been in Spain, with Matthew visiting and paparazzi flashing pictures of us, so I hadn't really had time to put any real thought into what to say to her. I could've just sent her a short text. I knew that; but I also knew that I didn't want to do that.

I wanted to write pages professing my feelings for her. I had practically told myself that the next time I talked to her, it would change everything between us, one way or another; because I would tell her that I was still in love with her. Either she would've flipped out and disappeared on me, or...

I had been so close to telling her that morning. June 28th, 2018...that date could've changed everything. Instead, it was simply the day that I was sent into a state of paralytic shock as a result of her intense words.

"Tell me that I'm not losing you forever..."

"I feel like nothing I do will ever make up for all of this shit I put you through, but I...I need to try. I'll try as long as it takes. I'll try forever."

"I just need you to tell me that I didn't fuck us up forever."

Forever. Forever. Forever. The green eyed girl had uttered the word so many times that it had almost lost its meaning; but it hadn't. It hadn't at all.

Forever.

She had said it all with so much emotion, like she was literally going to die on the spot if I didn't put her at ease. I knew that she had been drunk, but I also lived by the saying: "Drunk words are sober thoughts". The amount of times that Lauren and I had used alcohol to get us to do or say what we really wanted to was insane. I knew that everything she said had been true.

So, I had to hang up. I couldn't handle the thought of having such a monumental conversation with her and having her not remember any of it, which apparently seemed to be the case. I was in shock that she hadn't reached out to me, and I was even more in shock that I still hadn't reached out to her either.

I was trapped alone with my thoughts, as usual, left to wonder exactly what Lauren's words all meant. There was no way she would've reacted that strongly to a relationship with just a friend. There was no way she'd be that scared of losing me for good unless...

Unless she really was still in love with me, too.

The thought alone got my heart racing. Was it possible that Lucy was right about everything? Was it possible that she was just too scared to leave Ty, to jump into me recklessly again? When I really sat down and thought about it all, it made perfect sense. Yet, I still felt like no progress had been made. The fact of the matter was, we still hadn't talked.