Whole (a Sam Wilkinson / Sammy Wilk fanfic)

// CHAPTER XVI //

SOPHIE's POV
Kiersten slept over and we watched movies all night. I told her every single thing that happened between Sammy and I and she can't believe it. Neither can I, but it sounds so surreal saying it all aloud. It just sucks because the ending isn't good at all. It's only seven at night and Kiersten went home at one o'clock and I'm tired as hell. I'm always tired after sleepovers and I don't even know why. I go upstairs and clean off all my makeup and wash my face. I change into a shirt and sleeper shorts and put my hair into a bun. I grab my charger from the outlet and plug it into the outlet near my bed and charge my phone. I jump in my bed. It's kind of dumb. I'm wearing Sammy's shirt to bed but after talking about him for the past day to Kiersten I just have to. I miss him. I start to doze off and I hear my phone ring. It's probably just my Mom letting me know how work is going so I let it go to voicemail. I hear my text message ringer go off and ignore it. Then I hear it again, and again, and then five at once. I hear another phone call. "What the fuck." I reluctantly roll over and unplug my phone.
I scroll down my lock screen and see it's from Kiersten.
"oh mY GOD CALL ME BACK"
"SOPHIE NOW!"
Then I see a whole bunch of other texts coming in saying "oh my god!" Or "no way!"
I call Kiersten and she picks up on the first ring.
"What the hell is the problem and why are so many people texting me?"
"Soph, go on Instagram and go to Sammy's profile."
I put her on speaker and open my Instagram and I see my notifications are blowing up and I type in his name.
"SEE?!"
"OH MY GOD!"
The recent post is a photo of him and I. When we were at the cave we were taking selfies because we were bored and in this one we're cuddling. I read the caption:
"Sorry guys I haven't been active on any social media but I need to say something. You see that girl? Her name is @sophiemb and I really fucked up. And I know it's wrong to do this and she's going to kill me but I really really miss her. We only hung out once and I can honestly say I fell in love with her before I even talked to her. I saw her Twitter before I met her and just anything she did couldn't make me mad. Her smile just made me smile and I don't know why but it did. Don't put her on blast she did nothing wrong. I'm the one that messed it all up. I haven't been myself since we stopped talking and I realized it's because I'm missing a part of me I never knew I had. So, Sophie Milton Baile if you're reading this please call me or something. I miss you so so much. I haven't been myself without you and I don't think I ever can be without you, you make me be the real me. You make me whole."
"KIERSTEN!" I yell.
I hear the door open, "SORRY I DIDNT TELL YOU I WAS ON MY WAY!" It's Kiersten.
"Dude.."
"Awh you're wearing his shirt!" She smiles.
I get up and grab my crewneck and quick change out of it.
"Why the hell did you change?"
"I'm pissed Kiersten, this is bullshit! He has half a million followers and he exposes everything? To them? Like I want to be exposed? Kiersten this isn't good! What if 'he' sees it?! What if it makes a headline? I DON'T WANT TO BE KNOWN I want to be safe and not disturbed. My fucking phone is freezing. What kind of an idiot is he? He thinks an Instagram post is the grandest gesture? Fucking idiot."
Kiersten pulls out her phone. "He also did this."
It's a video of Sammy's you now.
"Hi guys it's Sammy." He says without any happiness in his voice. "You guys probably read my Instagram post and I would only like to apologize to Soph." His voice waivers. "I don't know why I'm so fucking hooked on this girl, but she's not just any girl. She's the girl and I let her go. I don't know. I fuck up a lot and it never really bothered me and this is killing me." He looks up and looks as if he will cry. "I don't know what I'm trying to do. She won't come back. But I'm doing what I know I best. Social media I guess. I don't know. I'm not making sense. I can't proclaim my love for her just to her. And even to all you guys, I love you to death Sammy girls but it's just not enough for me to say it. So if Sophie sees this, I'm speaking to her. Can we restart and go back to our spot where we were on our first date? I'll be there at 8 tomorrow night till probably morning. If you don't come I understand. But-" he stops talking and rubs his eye. "But please know I'll always be waiting for you." Then the video ended.
"Soph..you have to go."
"Is this a joke? I look like an idiot he made me look like the bad guy, I don't care I'm not going I have other things to do I hav-"
Kiersten cuts me off.
"Don't bullshit me Soph. I know you so well it's crazy. You care, you care a whole lot. The way you even talked about him made me know you're not over this guy. It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes. That's how love works. I'll even drive you tomorrow but you need to go. Don't be stubborn. This isn't the time to act like you don't need anyone. I've never seen you so confused before."
"That's because I've never been in a situation like this before."
I look down at my phone and my Instagram is blowing up with comments and followers. People are calling me gorgeous and some are saying I'm ugly. He didn't think it through at all.
"Kiersten I just don't know if I can actually bring myself to go. You know how dumb this is? I don't even know this guy for a month and he did this."
"Romeo and Juliet didn't even know each other a day and they were madly in love with each other."
"Okay true but they died."
"Not gonna lie, I've read a lot of shit on Sammy since you told me and I feel like if you don't talk to him he could die."
I chuckle, "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Well, you see there's a vine of Gilinsky and he's at Sammy's house and he's walking to Sam's room and he heard a crash of bottles and Sam yelling and apparently he keeps drinking and they can't get him to stop and he's becoming more and more reckless and stuff."
"Fucking great, I need another alcoholic in my life."
"Stop doing that!"
"What?" I snap.
"Stop picking his every flaw! It's fucking annoying! You don't even understand Soph! This isn't a joke this isn't some lie this is real. Why can't you wrap your head around the fact that he's in love with you!"
"Maybe because I wouldn't fucking know what love is?" I shoot her a look that I can tell hurt her feelings.
"Whatever I'm leaving, call me tomorrow and let me know if you're going to be stubborn or actually do the right thing."
She leaves.
Everyone leaves. Everyone. She doesn't get that. She even just left. And dating someone means there's always a huge possibility of the other person leaving. And it's not even that I don't like Sammy. I'm lying to myself, I'm crazy about him. But I'm afraid that if I get that attached I'll lose him. And, losing someone doesn't happen once, it's not an occasion nor is it an event. It happens so many times, over and over again. You lose them every time you past their favorite place, or when that one song plays on the radio. You lose them when you find something of theirs that they left behind. You lose them every time you think of kissing them, or just even wanting to see them. You lose them when you go to bed lonely at night, and when you want to tell them about your day. But then, you wake up and when you look over and see that you're alone you lose them all over again.
I've lost so much in my life, I'm just preventing the amount of departures I have to see happen. That's all. But, I'm afraid I'm losing myself too.