A boy girl love

Chapter 40: Surgery

"Why do you always say that? Girls don't do this..girls shouldn't do that? I am sick of it!" I said, tears falling from my eyes.

"Elliot, a girl has to be more responsible about her body. It is through women that the life line continues. What if your fighting activities injures your reproductive organs or results in causing difficulty in giving birth or causes infertility?" She asked me.

"Doesn't men have to worry about that too? Couldn't they get their balls cut off or something?" I asked angrily.

"Their bodies are different. Why don't you understand this? Why are you like this? Most girls wouldn't do anything that could mar them physically. Why don't you understand the fundamental issue here? Men don't give birth. They are not responsible for carrying a life within them." She said irately.

"So are women just birth giving machines and pretty looking dolls? Isn't it my choice to give birth or not? Why do I have to live conscious of that fact all the time? Are women who don't give birth not women? I want to live the life I desire. So what if I am among the few women who don't mind getting scars from fights? Just because I have female organs doesn't mean I would injure them if I fight. There are so many women in the army too mum. They don't think every living day that they are supposed to be birth machines." I replied back heatedly.

"Just stop Elliot. I don't care about how many women are in the army. Obviously they don't care about the fact that their primary role is to continue the human race and honestly I don't care either about them and their thoughts. But when it comes to my daughter, I don't want that. I am worried sick that your disease could result in you being infertile and you would end up alone with no man to marry you. But you..you don't care at all, do you?" She asked me, sounding very frustrated.

"You have Levi and so many boyfriends. Why couldn't you be a normal girl and rely on them to protect you? But no! You'd go charging into danger and getting yourself into trouble." She said and I realized I was more tired from hearing my mom talk than even my newly found disease.

I couldn't help chuckling mirthlessly. "It's words like this that made me wish I was something different. But mum, I am okay the way I am. I am a girl but I am different from the norm. My dream has never been to be someone's obedient wife having a dozen kids. I am more than just my biological function. I don't know what I am going to be, but I know I will not let my reproductive organs define who I am." I told her.

"Then why don't you just get rid of them? You have the chance now." My mum said irately and I stood up angrily.

"Do you think I care? I will get rid of it. It's such an annoyance." I said angrily and stormed out.

"Elliot, come back!" My mum said but I ran out. Why did I think talking to her would help me find a solution? It was so useless and I felt really angry and exhausted. I stopped when I reached an open space area. I wished I had someone else to talk with- someone who could give me a solution. I thought of Richie and felt angry again. He was also a man and I didn't want to rely on any man right now, I thought spitefully.

"Argh!" I screamed into the night in frustration. It felt good to scream it out. I could feel dull pangs in my lower abdomen. Probably the pain medication was wearing out. Perhaps it was because I had knowledge of my fatal disease that I felt more fatigued than usual. I decided to sit down in one of the benches facing the balcony. The night air was cool and the bench was freezing. But I needed to calm down and I felt like sitting down helped.

I rubbed my forehead worrying over what I should do. My mind fought over what it wanted to prioritize, giving me a headache. Right now, it was a mixture of depression over what happened to Levi, the danger Eric posed to me and my family and the decision over my surgery. Despite wanting to think about the threat of Eric, my mind just kept repeating the last conversation I had with my mother. I wanted to get rid of my reproductive organs just to show my mum I didn't care. It could be the ultimate freedom I wanted. It was starting to get cold and I had to go back.