Paper Airplane

36

I apologize for the late update.  I'm on hiatus, but I'm technically still going to be updating this.  I had to move to college and do a whole bunch of other things, too, so that's my legitimate excuse for why this took so long.  Also, it's unedited and probably very sucky, but I tried to make it longer to make up for my absence.  Enjoy.

Chapter Thirty-Six

 

 

                I stared down the seemingly endless carpet, unblinking.  Unmoving.  I was becoming blinded by the constant flashing coming from every angle; there would be no way to escape them.  Not this time.  And they lined the carpet that I was supposed to walk down, shoulder to shoulder, as close as they could get with the flimsy cables acting as barriers between me and them.  There wasn’t even anything to look forward to at the end of the carpet.  Just white, like a never-ending camera flash.

                Of course.

                Harry squeezed my hand.  Startled, I looked up at him.  I hadn’t known he was there.  He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it, his eyes, his easy smile…all very calm.  He was nothing like the hurricane ripping through my rib cage right now.

                “Let’s go, Lex,” he said.  He hadn’t shouted it, but his voice rang loud and clear despite the constant babble from all the people taking our picture.  He was so loud I winced.

                I couldn’t move.  He had to know that; this kind of thing terrified me.  It was so much worse this time than at the movie premiere.  So much worse.  He understood then.  Why didn’t he now?

                “Harry, I can’t,” I whispered, feeling the panic begin to set in.  My chest rose and fell more rapidly.  “I can’t.”

                His expression didn’t budge; it was practically unnatural.  He dropped my hand in favor of pressing his against the side of my face, using his thumb to brush back a strand of my bangs.  I expected his touch to be comforting, but nothing could help me when I got to this point.  I was becoming hysteric very quickly.

                “Don’t you want to be with me?” he asked, crushed.  I can assure you that it didn’t go with his expression at all.

                “I…”  What do I say to that?  I can’t even think clearly.  All I can hear is the pounding of my heart.  All I can see are the blinding lights and his unchanged expression, and I can hardly breathe and I’ve never been so terrified in my entire life.  How could he ask me a question like that and expect a solid response?

                “You said you’d do it, Lex.  You said you wanted to be with me, baggage and all,” he was saying now.  “Try.  For me, try.”

                I looked back down the carpet, squinting.  All of the faces blended together, all of the light, the empty red carpet waiting for Harry and I to walk it.  The babble of the crowd in the background, Harry’s voice ringing unbelievably loud, his honey and summer voice that I can rarely resist no matter how hard I try.  I couldn’t think.  Still couldn’t breathe.  My mind was reeling; I looked back to Harry.  I could hardly see him behind the gray stars dancing about.

                “Lexie!” he shouted now.  I couldn’t make out whether his expression had finally changed or not.  “You said you wanted to be with me!  This is what that is!”