M. K. B.'s Life Journal (Not A Book)

Entry 2 - Jan 2019

Entry 2 - January 2019

Date: 4/01/2019
Staying Positive

2019 could turn shitty, but I'm trying to be positive. My laptop not charging and giving a lot of problems. I'm still waiting for my grades to come out. I passed one so far. Hopefully the rest are passes as well.
Besides that I'm hoping to write some new stuff this year. Eff my writers' block, I will write again damn it.
Watching "Peppermint" the movie staring Jennifer Garner. I like it.
Hoping to be blessed with a boyfriend this year. I deserve it, lol.
Also can't wait for Cloak & Dagger to return.

My grades just came out. It's not good. I'm dying inside. I literally need 8% or 7 marks to be okay. Idk how to finesse this one. 😓 I'm still praying for a miracle because the grades aren't exactly final in the system yet, and I just called my lecturer. He doubt he can do anything but he's going to try. 😢😭

Date: 12/01/2019
Damage Control

The past few days have been spent on me praying that everything works out for me, cause I don't like where my life heading right now. 😤

Date: 13/01/2019
Keeping Calm

So a couple of days ago I watched Night School and it low key made me feel better.

Date: 14/01/2019
Praying

Going back on campus tomorrow. I got to organise myself so that whether or not I get to stay, I'm prepared to leave.

Date: 15/01/2019
Back On Campus, Trying Not To Lose Hope

On campus, and my deputy dean isn't making me feel hopeful. But I'm trying to be optimistic and keep praying about it. Never prayed so much.
Hopefully they so money hungry, they don't care about my grades.

Date: 16/01/2019
Keep Moving Forward

Sigh. Ugh. Ah.

I wish God would give me a sign or something. I'm stressing out.

Date: 17/01/2019
Hope??

I'm talking to any and every person I have to and can talk to right now. And that last person gave me so much hope.

I'm gonna focus on writing today.

Yeah, I didn't really write today.
Anyway, I talked to a different person than I intended to, the person I was looking for was in a meeting, and she look at my grades and stuff and was like telling me she was failing too and was in a similar situation, for her masters degree though, and did a course over more than two times. And honestly it made me think of the fact that there was a girl here on my hall who didn't come back last semester, but she was doing the general form of my degree, which is easier than the special, which I'm doing, two years ahead of me but was in two of my courses last year. She was still doing level two courses! Wtf! She seemingly had way more set backs than I did cause year one I ask her for help and she said she fail the course three times so the fact that she may have been doing way worse than me and was here for so long also gives me extra hope. Still praying tho.
Yeah I still trying to get to talk to the person I was originally looking for regardless of if I get through, she would like help get my grades up and stuff. It's a department in the school which is for people who have trouble with school in general, so physical and mental health issues they deal with and I think they connected with the Health & Services Unit and the guidance counselors as well. Basically, I'm hoping she can write a letter saying I'm highly stress or something and that she'll work with me to get my grades up.
Can't believe I'm literally on campus, literally waiting to see whether or not I have to pack my shit up and leave for a year. Ugh. I have faith. And man do I have a lot of crap to pack regardless of the out come. Gotta throw some crap away or something.
When I stay (thinks positively), I will only buy food...and hair products. I'm black and I want my hair to grow. I only buy cheap shit that my hair likes now.

Date: 19/01/2019
Laziness Ensues

I didn't do a damn thing I wanted to do yesterday. Will I do anything today? I really don't know. I don't feel that great right now.

Date: 20/01/2019
Really? Like Really?

I still haven't done anything productive and my nail broke. Still praying. Suppose to get a new roommate and no one has shown up yet. Hopefully they never do. Hope life goes well for 2019, cause the world deserves it. I did some writing tho.

Date: 22/01/2019
Still Waiting.

I went to two classes yesterday. There's non today which is good, cause I'm lazy.  No one has contacted me yet about my status at school. Sigh.

Oh yeah. Just remembered something. Remember the girl doing a general form of my degree, ahead of me. I saw her in one of my classes, that I go to unofficially, yesterday. Low key wanna question her yes. Idk if she's back on hall but she still in the group chat.

She's back on hall cause we just welcomed her back during a general meeting.

Date:24/01/2019
The Deputy Dean Might Be My Lecturer! 😱

So I walk into into class, unofficially of course, and standing there in the front of the room is my deputy dean of my faculty. The deputy dean that knows I'm having trouble in school and am basically failing. This is both great and horrible. Why, you ask. Well, obviously, if I do get to continue school, I'll be in her class, she'll be grading me, and possibly making me answer questions. I literally can't fail her course. Which has good and bad elements to it. 

Date: 25/01/2019
Deadlines!?!?...And More Hope!?!

So apparently today is the deadline for paying hall fees. I've never really payed attention to this cause I usually pay for everything in the first week anyway. So I go running around to find out any info I can, and I end up learning that basically that I've been recommended to stay and continue school, but it hasn't been approved by the dean.

Date: 30/01/2019
Running Around, Confused and Change In Degree

Been really busy. I got through yesterday (Tuesday) and have the rest of the week to register and pay fees. Sigh, I have to change my degree, they said. No clue what classes to choose right now. I'll figure it out tomorrow.
Oh and I have to pay late fees. Ugh.

Date: 31/01/2018
Going With The Flow

Figured out stuff today. Did what needed to be done. Kinda stressed. Want companionship. Might have allergies? Maybe. Meh.
So much for putting out a new book this month. Maybe in February. Hopefully.