Blue is the warmest color

Chapter Eleven

Our shallow breaths filled the room. Every time our lips part, I look onto his face and whenever I do my heart beat keeps getting faster that it sends excitement down under, something that I felt for the first time. While I lay under him, Lucius kept rocking on my hips back and fort, his hard member gently rubbing on my most sensitive parts.

With the way I was, the conservative virgin kind of girl, I would probably be in panic right now. I never imagined myself doing this with someone. His arms aren't as masculine as those macho men in magazine covers. In fact, Luke's arms are thin, long, and I can trace his veins as they popped up on his arms like branches of a tree. 

With the rocking motion I felt liquid gushed on the fabric of my underwear. It's like I'm being sensitive, my body's responding to everything he does. I raised my jaw as I allow him to bury his lips onto my neck, sucking on my skin like a vampire, and when he finally starts to lift my shirt up. I placed my hands on his, my chest is raising up and down, while he looks at me confused. 

"I want to see" he whispered and he moved his hand to lift my shirt up again but I sat upright and hugged him instead. "Why?" he asked. 

When I was at least four years old, I have a cardiovascular disease. It's a disease that narrowed or blocks blood vessels and is the primary reason why I often have chest pains and shortness of breath way back then. When I was at Gobbslin, nobody took my chest pains seriously until I got adopted and they returned me back knowing it's going to cost them for just keeping me. 

I ended up asking myself if I have a problem because I didn't understand. Until mom and dad came and sponsored my surgery when things got worst. It left a long scar in between my chest, it's not ugly but it's not just something I am proud of even if I am a survivor. It gives me nothing but painful memories. 

"Were you doing this because I looked like her?" I asked while bowed-down. 

"Is that important?" he said. I grinned, I'm so pathetic. 

"I want to know" I uttered, 

"It's not" he answered, "It's you" he added and my heart just begins to rip open. 

He's such a liar and I have this crazy thought of falling for it. It's a trap, Helena. Although it could be true but I still looked like Anastasia, there is no way to twist the story other than Luke being Luke because I am Anastasia to his eyes. If I can see past the drug addict he is, the grieving soul that lied within him there is no way he'd see the same thing in me. No matter what he'd never see Helena in the face of Anastasia. 

I closed my eyes as I shed a tear. It hurts pretty bad to be in this state but I've become vulnerable enough and I am such a fool to have allowed him to break a part of me. I leaned my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around me. It feels like I'm somewhere far from home, like I've been to somewhere that's more than home. He doesn't know I am slowly crushing in this embrace but his arms kept the pieces in place and I didn't want him to let me go. 

I grabbed his hand and I put it underneath my shirt, in between my chest where the long scar lies. Lucius looked at me but I looked way. Together, we lift my shirt up and he was able to see my boring peach bra and the embarrassing scar I have. He traced it with his thumb and I bit my lip in embarrassment. Suddenly he just planted small kisses on them and his hands gently pressed on my breast. 

He doesn't say anything but what he did made me feel less embarrassed. It made me feel that despite having them, I can be wanted. I never fell for anyone, let alone have the idea of allowing someone to slip into my pants but he gave me excitement. A feeling that I have something to look forward to and that when he is there, I feel excited even if I felt it was wrong. He makes me heart pound and with the sight of him, I always thought my life will never get boring again.