Blue is the warmest color

Chapter Twenty

** Blue is the warmest color is heavily inspired by the manhwa "An Innocent Sin". I do not claim this book as an original idea but an inspiration since I hated that An Innocent Sin ended with so many unsolved mysteries. If you like this story, please also take time to read where it was inspired from. 

** If you like my story please give it a vote because it gives me inspiration and motivation to update. 

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LUCIUS POV

Sometimes I wonder... 

If I was born to see the world as less evil, 

Would I have been a different person? 

Would I look at myself... with more respect? 

When bad memories kept flashing before my eyes, my whole body would excruciate like I'm going all over it again and I see the shadows, those lustful eyes, mouths filled with desire to torment the innocent. 

When my hands are tied and I feel helpless and powerless, I just wished for my body to shut down and die on that very moment but I don't understand why I'm surviving... why I still will to live despite desperately wanting to die. 

And then I thought of her bright golden locks and those green eyes, my Anastasia, I cannot die without telling her how I feel... that, just that..she was the reason, I lived. 

"Luke?" she called. 

She has a soft voice, so gentle and so pure. "Are you okay?" she asked, her face's worried. 

I swallowed as I look at her eyes down to her lips. Slowly I lifted my hand to her face and brushed her cheek with my thumb; She is my Anastasia. "What?" she smiled, "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked. 

"You are... beautiful" I said, my face flushing. She smiles as she leans her forehead on mine and kisses my nose, "I hope you mean it" she said, "I'm not her" she whispered. 

Suddenly, the colors I see seem to fade. Her golden locks turns brown and those green eyes deteriorates. What I saw was a different person, different but so alike. Helena. 

Right. She is Helena. 

I pulled her to a hug so she doesn't see how disappointed I was. Even then, I wasn't completely sure how I'm supposed to describe what I feel but I couldn't survive a day without seeing her face. 

Still, I became selfish with the fact I only needed her to fill the void Anastasia has left. It's like my soul died with her but Helena gave it life. 

"Lucius, I heard you are doing great" Louisa says over the phone. She sounded so happy. 

"I am" I uttered, I don't really know what to say to her. 

After a long awkward silence, Louisa starts to ask again, "How is your relationship with Anastasia two?" 

I swallowed. She calls Helena "Anastasia Two". "Her name is Helena" I called out. 

"I really think you should leave now that you're doing fine" she suggested. 

Leave? Why would I leave the person who gave life to my dead soul. "I can't... survive a day without seeing her face... yet" I admitted. 

I can hear Louisa sigh at the end of the line, "Lucius, Dr. Gray is a great friend" she reminded, "Even if he's agreed to take you to his home because you wanted to meet his daughter, you can't use the girl to fill what's missing. You'll wake up one day and accept Anastasia's death then what about her?" she asked, "You have to leave" she insisted. But I don't want to... 

I bit my lip as I put down the telephone. No, I'm not leaving. I walked out of Dr. Gray's office and saw him and his wife, Catherine, sitting playing chess. "Are you done?" he asked and I nodded politely before going out of his room. 

I went down to the basement where I saw my precious Anastasia doing her homework. It's like that time I would stare at her while she was doing the paperworks for her job except that the one I'm seeing now is youthful... livelier, perhaps.  Why would I leave so suddenly when I have grown attached to her? 

But... if Louisa was right. When the colors disappears and Helena would look as she is to my eyes, will my heart still beat like it does now? 

Should I start to see her as she is... so I can leave and the damage would be minimal? 

"What're you thinking so deeply in there?" Helena asked. I didn't notice she was already in front of me. 

She sighs, "I don't know what kind of sorcery you're doing but... will you please knock so I know you're here?" she pleaded. 

Right. She never notices when I come in. It's because she was always doing something that she was too preoccupied with. She is so cute describing it as some type of sorcery. 

"Okay" I smiled, grabbing her long hair and smelling it. 

For some reason, I don't know why I seem to be addicted to her smell. Anastasia is not the type who would use an orange scent but somehow, the thing I loved about Helena herself was her long hair and the way it smells. 

I have never seen Anastasia with a long hair. She always keeps it at shoulder length and she would always say it's just an adult thing. I wanted to be able to understand her despite our age-gap and have her see me more than just a boy and a brother but now that I came across someone like her that's close to my age and likes me... it feels surreal. 

"So... how'd it go with your mom?" she asked. She calls Louisa my mom. 

I looked down at my feet as I think. Should I tell her that she wanted me to leave? "She just checked if I'm doing good" I half-lied. She did ask. 

"Since you're doing great, I bet she wanted you to go home" she said, trying to sound so happy as if I couldn't hear the pain in her voice. 

I stepped forward as I grab her shoulders and pin them down to the wall, "I didn't want to leave" I admitted, "Not yet" I added. 

She looks down with a sad face as she bit her lip, "I'd hate it if you leave" she said softly. 

Leaving this place is inevitable because it has already been decided from the very beginning but I'll give it two weeks. 

Two weeks for me to let go of the past. 

~ Fin